Best Earl Poems
'Twas a dark and stormy night! (OK - so I'm being a tad histrionic!)
The Earl of Pence was lounging by the fire sipping his gin and tonic.
Lightning flashed and thunder roared sending shivers down his spine.
Even his hound, Lord Percival, was so upset that he began to whine!
'Twas well-known thereabouts that phantoms haunted the earl's castle,
And on such frightful nights they were bound to cause a spooky hassle.
Nefarious deeds had occurred within Penceshire Castle walls in the past,
And were replayed in 'spirited' form leaving generations of earls aghast!
A shriek from the bowels of the castle sent the dog into howling fits,
And brought the earl bounding to his feet, scaring him out of his wits!
The blood-curdling screams were from a former Earl of Pence who in 1642,
Was hung by his thumbs in the dungeon for a fair maiden that he slew!
Suddenly, the ancient organ in the hall began playing eerie chords.
Heard on the floor above was rowdy dancing by ladies, knights and lords.
Ghastly emanations from the past paraded through the terrified earl's room,
Antecedents all, leering and grinning and predicting the anxious earl's doom!
Lord Percival sensing trouble long before, across the moat had bolted!
The storm subsided and the apparitions faded leaving the earl quite jolted!
He felt a bony hand upon his shoulder that took away his final breath.
'Twas his valet who offered a gin and tonic to the earl who now lay in death!
Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak
It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich
I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......
For Joe's Sandwich contest...lol
I was really having trouble deciding on a pet
Exactly what I wanted I wasn’t sure just yet
I pondered and I pondered until I couldn’t bear it
Then it finally came to me, I’ll get a baby carrot
Now I did not expect to have just any orange sprout
It took a lot of looking to pick the right one out
By the time I picked one out, my head was in a whirl
But he was sure a cutie and I quickly named him Earl
Earl can be a character and he is quite a riot
But when I’m watching TV, he’s always very quiet
Earl won’t watch the Gourmet Chef, in fact he really hates him
It’s because one day he cooked some carrots and he ate them
Earl always keeps a tidy room and never makes a mess
He never gives me trouble and I really must confess
The few times he’s been naughty and had to have a whack
He took it well and never even thought of talking back
I recently brought home for Earl a little carrot friend
I think it was a big mistake that bit me in the end
When I got home from work today I caught him kissing Earl
And then it finally dawned on me, my carrot is a girl
I taste your bergamot nectar.
Orange rhythms entice any suitor.
I drizzle you with honey in the midst of true friends
To calm all tensions in the mist of turmoil.
Hence I shall love you.
You shall love me.
And that is how it shall be.
For all eternity.
Where is William Earl Davis?
He was one of my best friends growing up
From first grade to twelve grade
Where are you William Earl?
You whom nickname was Merle
Pray you’re alive and doing well
Where are you William Earl Davis?
Your works, you craft so courageous
This is not a web
Not natural, not satin nor silk
Where are you
William Earl?
He’s my brethren, I often wonder-wondering
How you are, where you are
Web William Earl Davis
Are you yet famous
Are you known you left for New York?
Creative individual yes you knew/know your craft
You were Head, the Director of Lafern Williams Center
In Omaha, Nebraska
Will if your alive Happy Birthday bro
We wrote many songs together
We were in ROTC too
We even tried to audition for Motown Records
But they were not accepting
So in your adult life you’re acting and directing
Where are you William Earl Davis?
Your works, you craft so courageous
This is not a web
Not natural, not satin nor silk
Where are you
William Earl?
He’s my brethren, I often wonder-wondering
How you are, where you are
Web William Earl Davis
Remember back in the day
We would role play
Draw and write comics too
It was you brother Phoenix
Whom got us (me) collecting comics
Where are you
William Earl?
He’s my brethren, I often wonder-wondering
How you are, where you are
Web William Earl Davis
So if you’re alive now you’ll just a few weeks left 65
Lastly again I will say Where are you?
William Earl?
He’s my brethren, I often wonder-wondering
How you are, where you are
Web William Earl Davis
I don’t have Facebook or any other social media
Don’t have your address or phone number
All I have are those memories
Of all those good times we’ve had
So hope you’re still a Play-Director
And all things with you are good no better
Happy Birthday
My friend my brother you’re courageous
Happy Birthday-William Earl Davis
12/03/20
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2020©
A New Earl of Sandwich
In a former men’s bathroom on the old Boston Common
You can now get a burger or noodles by Ramen
It was built in the 20s as a “men’s comfort station”
Used for 50 years and then deactivation
For the next 40 years it was all locked up tight
Filled with urinals and toilets and other delights
But the Earl of Sandwich that of Florida base
Said we’ll buy and refurbish as a great sandwich place
So they took out the urinals, the toilets, the sinks
And cleaned up the place so it no longer stinks
The interior’s now just a kitchen and prep
And the former old restroom has lost its bad rep
The building now looks as if back in its day
This once former restroom has come a long way
Now the good folks of Boston can all rest assured
That this dingy old bathroom’s no longer a turd
Limerick: Once an elegant Earl from Eton
Once an elegant Earl from Eton
Daily dreamed of swinging with Tarzan
In Brazil learned samba
Married virile cougar
Now sells D.V.D.s on Amazon.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013.
MEET EARL LEE (A dog who was named appropriately)
Great to meet you my name is Earl Lee
If you say my name real fast it comes out Early
Only sometimes they call me my other name Curly
But I'm not particularly fond of that
Because I think it's a suitable name for a cat
Earl Lee sounds quite sedate, a dignified Show Stopping pup
With good things in store who's on his way up
But let's get back to my original plan
If I'm Early to rise I'll be sure to find treats in the cat's sandy pan!
LATER---
Don't get excited I wrote this when I was a sniveling pup
I've since become wiser you could say I've grown up
I no longer indulge in such a strange addiction
But I fooled mom and dad thinking kitty had a real bad obstruction
They kept looking in her pan like they want her treats too
They looked all over even inside each shoe
They whispered and said "I hope she's not constipated"
We'll give her some oil and get this problem extirpated
What does that mean "oil inside kitty"
Maybe her treats will become oily and slippery
'Twas a dark and stormy night! (OK! So I'm being a tad histrionic!)
The Earl of Pence was lounging by the fire sipping his gin and tonic.
Lightning flashed and thunder roared sending shivers down his spine!
Even his hound, Lord Percival, was so upset that he began to whine!
'Twas well-known thereabouts that phantoms haunted the earl's castle,
And on such frightful nights they were bound to cause spooky hassle!
Nefarious deeds had occurred within Penceford Castle walls in the past,
And were replayed in 'spirited' form leaving generations of earls aghast!
A shriek from the bowels of the castle sent the dog into howling fits,
And brought the earl bounding to his feet, scaring him out of his wits!
The blood-curdling screams were from a former Earl of Pence who in 1642,
Was hung by this thumbs in the dungeon for a fair maiden that he slew!
Suddenly, the ancient organ in the hall began playing eerie chords.
Heard on the floor above was rowdy dancing by ladies, knights and lords!
Ghastly emanations from the past paraded through the terrified earl's room,
Antecedents all, leering and grinning predicting the anxious earl's doom!
Lord Percival sensing trouble long before for the door had bolted!
The storm subsided and the apparitions faded leaving the earl quite jolted!
The earl felt a bony hand upon his shoulder that took away his final breath.
'Twas his valet who offered a gin and tonic to the earl who now lay in death!
Entry for Tania Kitchin's "One Night in A Haunted Manor" Contest
(8 January 2019)
Don't stop the CHOP
dash the glorious bits of foam and froth
let the leeward side fill
let the fertile delta pray
for mercy from Poseidon
All hail the storm God...
Angry, black-and-blue, bruise
the coast, claim the futile calm...
meditate on the black hole of the abyss
Can’t STOP the chop…
Brash and brazen tentacle of DOOM
destruction stirs the devil’s cauldron
Watch the witches brew boil over the
capes of man
removing the zen garden
prissiness of the pandering fools
Batten DOWN the hatches boys
There BE a BLOW on ‘er…
ships flail like paper boats
RALE against the dieing, FIGHT
Ride the crest on boards LIVE the fright!
one of the best banjo players that ever lived
we have to thank God for all that he'd give
a gift from God his life he lived
a heritage from his life we live
a happy heritage from the world that we lived
but tunes from a man that made us grin
a prodigy most scientist would begin
a gift from God i would throw in
lightening fingers i have heard him called
compared to jimmy hindrex
i wonder why at all
the music he gave us one and all
a thing by itself
that will never fall.
Earl the Pearl Monroe played basketball
he played guard being five foot three tall
he had great moves on the court
was a businessman off court
in childhood best friend was Knicks fan
he played and he had the best plan
back then Calvin Murphy was I
then after losing don’t ask why
because Earl the Pearl was won again
later in life I finally win
3/18/2013
There is an old place on the outskirts of town
The rumor is old Earls ghost hangs around
Shot by Pearl as he was sneaking away
With another girl her name was faye
Shot them both,never seen since that day
Now Maude and Claude two people from town
Decided to go see if Earls ghost was around
So the two of them grabbed some cold beer
Said come on lets get the hell out of here
Earl knew they were coming, so he'd wait
Listen for the sound of the old wooden gate
And he floated right up from his grave
With axe in his hand he gave them a wave
Maude fainted right there where she stood
Claude knew running would do him no good
Old Earls eyes were glaring bright red
One swing from the axe,Claude had no head
So if you dare come visit Earl here
Beware,Beware, he is waiting there
Earl Grey
Earl Grey and his Lady
Were invited out to Tea
“I like this brew my Lady
I will name it after me”
For Deborah's Epigram Contest
Groggy, in need I arise,
Not bothering to wipe the sleep from my eyes,
Another sleepless night
as my legs wiggle, and torture me from the inside.
What remedy this time will I try?
I'm not certain,
it seems everything once has been tried.
So back to the same old, same old, I go -
my Earl Grey.
The cupboard door scrapes open,
Blindly I reach my hand inside,
find the container - find the tea, then
Swing open the small cupboard by the sink,
Grab the tallest mug, water, tear open the pouch,
And inhale.
Pause -
Part of my routine,
Inhale the powerful aroma of
my Earl Grey tea.
Toss the bag it lands to float on the water
in my large mug,
Then two minutes in the microwave,
Add the French Vanilla, and I am ready for my buzz.
Ah, here we are,
I sit on the spare room bed,
Lift my mug and inhale again,
let the flavor fill my head,
and sip, hot, steaming, burning
yet, healing liquid,
I am hoping it
will relax and return me to my bed.
(c) Lisa Jensen-Lewis 2013