Best Customer Service Poems
I'm still waiting
How much time has elapsed
Think I'll read
While I'm waiting
I just read a chapter
I do believe my call is being answered
No, a voice on a machine echoes
"Your call will be taken in the order in which it was received"
Great
What number caller was I
Probably the 1000th caller
I'll touch up my manicure
While I'm waiting
I'm still waiting
Rats
I smudged my polish on one nail
Wonder If I have time to fix it
Before they break their necks to take my call
They must be averaging one call every ten minutes
I'll continue reading
Another chapter done
I'm still waiting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Press one for eternal sunshine, two to speak
with a representative currently buried under
three feet of seasonal despair. All other options
have been disconnected due to icy conditions.
Your call is important to us—please hold
through blizzards, black ice, and the existential
dread of winter.
Your estimated wait time:
until lilies break the thaw.
We apologize for the delay,
but spring’s already listening.
"Thank you for calling ACME, INCORPORATED"
"For English, press 1"
"En Espanol, numero dos"
(Customer presses 1)
"If this is a business, press 1"
"If this is a residence, press 2"
(Customer presses 2)
"Please listen carefully to the following"
(Customer listens)
"If you have an account, press 1"
"For new service, press 2"
(Customer presses 1)
"Please listen carefully to the following"
(Customer listens)
"To make a payment, press 1"
"For questions about your bill, press 2"
"For hours of operation, press 3"
"For payment locations, press 4"
"To transfer your service to a new address, press 5"
"To disconnect your service, press 6"
"To update your account information, press 7"
"For technical support, press 8"
"To return to the main menu, press 9"
"To speak to a representative, press 0"
(Customer presses 0)
"Due to high call volumes, we're unable
to assist you at this time"
"Please hang up and call back later"...
"Have a nice day!"
The bill declared, in bright red ink,
“Your payment’s overdue.
We’ll hand it to collectors
If your check’s not coming through.”
Insurance said they’d paid it;
Prior phone calls should’ve ended it.
At last I reached a human
Who, quite shockingly, amended it.
Not only that, he went beyond
And then apologized.
I must admit, such virtue
Left me more than just surprised.
I’ve gotten used to business folk
Where nasty is the norm.
How rare to find a person who
To meanness won’t conform.
Although I hated being charged
For what I didn’t owe,
I learned civility’s not dead
And that’s so nice to know!
Hi how are you?
What seems to be the problem?
I’m so sorry about that.
How would you like to resolve,
this issue?
Alright let me talk to My superior.
My apologies.
So sorry for the inconvenience.
One moment please.
I took on a job I thought that I liked,
a service I have to provide.
Giving customers help with things that go wrong
always makes me feel happy inside .
For many long years I have done really well
and I’m sure it is me who knows best.
If it wasn’t for me and my colleagues alike
then our Company would cease to exist!
Do I really believe what my boss says to me
that our profits are on a decline
and that losing our way we will go bust one day,
but surely that’s his job not mine.
He said we must change, yes, alter our ways,
our customers want so much more,
I’ve been here for years and I know I know best,
I told him “I’ve heard it before”.
Now there’s targets he’s set and I’m asked everyday
does my part really help to provide
a reason for me to remain on their pay,
do I do what we need to survive.
Our Company now makes a profit, I’m told
but I groan and complain everyday.
I’m good, don’t you know, I really think so,
why check ...’cause it best just ‘my’ way.
The problems you see are theirs, it’s not me,
they’re caused by those people inside.
If you left it to me and let us run free
we’d be happy and bring back our pride.
The rules are quite clear, I must just do my job,
I’m expected to now get in line
and give to my customer, colleagues and boss
what they ask and meet their needs not mine.
I now see it’s my role to provide what they say
though sometimes I may disagree.
I really must try to stop judging them
and look so much closer at me.
If they make a mistake, and I know that they will,
and I’m sure it will show with hindsight.
I’ve got to admit that I’ve often been wrong
at times when ‘I’ thought I was right.
So I now do my job by the rules he has set
for there’s things that I just couldn’t see.
By helping our Company try to survive
my boss was just working for me!
Ivor G Davies
Hey you! Did you hear me?
I was talking but you ever won’t listen.
Hey babe I want to buy this!
Did I just see your eyes rolling at me?
Called you many times.
Are you deaf to hear me hundred times?
So you’re now pissing me off!
Don’t wait to see my nose smoking like a red bull!
Do you even like how you dress?
Suppose you’re in a customer service.
But how can you be that so rude?
Aren’t you paid by boss for you are needing it most?
Try to be nice and be good to me
Or else you won’t even like me to tell this,
“Can I speak to your manager please?
It was the work ethic that did it.
He just couldn’t get enough.
He would sit for hours and hours
Just contemplating the stuff
Until suddenly it was home time,
Getting on for half past four,
And he knew that in the morning
They'd have delivered plenty more.
After nearly a week they found him
Slouched dead in his swivel chair;
He'd been hidden by all the work
Piled up in mountains there.
They gave him a long service medal
Posthumously I should think
And following his last wishes scattered
His ashes by his favourite old golf link.
Thus an illustrious career was ended
Without a hint of any shame
For the company couldn't afford
Any slurs to be cast on its name.
And all the work that he'd not started?
They just shovelled into a bin
Knowing if any was important
A client would write again
Honestly, I admit that I hate you
With every fiber of my being,
Because, no matter what I try to do,
My efforts are not what you are seeing.
I have to tell you that you are the most
Arrogant, obnoxious, self-absorbed wretch,
Who has no character of which to boast,
Which has been proven through this game of fetch.
You are entertained by your own rudeness,
Thus making yourself look quite pathetic.
And, adding that element of crudeness,
Provides an unattractive aesthetic.
I said all of this to "secure 'a win,'"
And now I must say, "Thank you, come again!"
OUTBACK AUSTRALIA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tis the aussie outback,
a cocky walks a dusty shearing track,
to the only crackling phone for miles around,
climbing an old dead tractor for best sound,
bout a sheep disorder from an online order.
"Gudday customer service mate"
Farmer White's gravel voice in wait.
"Ullo, you speak Ubee Wong best sheep in Hong Kong",
an Asian voice sung like a song.
"Bought online a ewe, state true blue, but not true"
"Stamped made in China, not for down unda"
"Not stamped on crate but sheep tail gate"
farmer White did state.
"Transfer you to Long, who ewe belong"
ending a Wong call to Hong Kong.
This is Farmer White in Australia, are you Long in China ?"
"All life in China, how I help White in Australia?"
was the Long question.
"I called the Wong number in Hong Kong, and told me,
speak to Long"
claimed farmer White.
"I don't know White or Wong in Hong Kong"
was the Long reply.
"I have ewe in Australia, that is Long n Wong"
farmer White strongly said to Long.
"You Wong, am not in Australia but China,
and you White in Australia,
then say called Wong number, then no problem"
with a Long closing call.
Farmer White still with shaking head in his homestead,
looking at his ewe, and the computer he threw,
then speaking to his sheep,
eyes long and deep,
"Online there will never be another ewe"
Hello, Dear, I trust the garbage in the road was picked up on Friday.
To add insult to the sweetness,
“I think it amusing there is a no dumping sign” across from where they have dumped.
Yes, I too think it bitterly amusing, since this pile from hell is about
Six feet from my driveway, which is so lovely when guests come.
This sweet letter was from the mayor’s assistant.
Because out of desperation, I wrote to him last Wednesday.
I wrote an equally nice letter back.
Hello back, Dear.
Not only was nothing picked up on Friday,
More was added to the pile on Friday.
I came around the corner to discover six tires,
A couch, and a burned out car that were not there on Thursday.
I plan to call the news station today,
For it is apparent even the mayor’s office
Can get nothing done.
Have a nice day yourself!
Love and all that stuff.
Imagine My surprise,
Not only in getting through in under 2 minutes,
But also being helped by the first res-ponder
But wait it, didn't stop there,
I felt I was actually being treated as a customer,
And what I had to say was important.
What motivated me, you may well ask,
To risk being on hold,
And being passed from one department to another?
Well, I was minding my own business,
Anticipating they joy of sinking my teeth into a top of the line,
Angus beef Pie.
What did I find,
A piece of gristle in my pie to spoil my mood,
Not good enough I said.
Hence my well mannered phone call.
But wait it didn't stop there,
I hadn't expected a refund,
Ringing just to point out the fact,
And make sure they had Quality Control.
Imagine my being gob-smacked,
When I got called back by the first responder,
To say I would be getting a free pie voucher in the mail.
So, yes on occasions, customer service does show signs of life,
For poets, at least
Who have a way with words.
Maybe if everybody joined the soup,
Customer service would,
Once again be an every day occurrence.
As a volunteer in a coffee shop as a waitress,
I provide customer service all the time.
Sometimes I make mistakes,
Other times I provide good customer service.
One day a customer came in for lunch,
She ordered a toastie and chose the middle line of fillings.
She didn’t realise the three lines of filling options were different things,
I pointed out the first filling on that line goes with the last filling on the first line.
She reread the menu and chose cheese & pickle,
The toastie was cooked and delivered quickly.
When she paid her bill, she said to me,
‘Thank you for your help’.
She told the manager about how helpful I was,
When she got confused about the fillings.
The manager was pleased to hear about this,
She said how pleased she was.
This is something to remember.
16/09/21
A Lovely Memory Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Regina McIntosh
Everyone
is slow to respond
21st century
The cashier guessed I was 58
The bagger, less than that
They know how to make this shopper feel great
I’ll be shopping there every May 28