Best Crumpet Poems
Two decades old,
Soft skin light toned,
Bushy brown hair,
skinny slim built,
Eyes blue as the sky,
Emotions and mind,
All so very shy.
Born a Capricorn,
Raised in a working class,
Ball full of energy,
shattering plates and glass,
Father held the iron fist,
Mothers mind in a mist,
Smacking, screaming, shouting,
Reminders of him as a kid,
While she was there to kiss.
Talented athlete at school,
Hung out with kids to cool,
Social pint was empty,
Only half filled with Pepsi,
Peers drank beer,
while I stayed in the clear,
Teachers had crumpet faces,
telling me to tie up my laces,
I wish id listen,
But crunched an apple,
kneeling down in the chapel,
ignoring those prayers,
fed up with restricted care.
Flickering strobes,
Shiny lazer beam lights,
Bikie gangs making me feel so bright,
Strange faces everywhere,
in a cosmos they share,
lit up like christmas,
While satan grants their wish list,
Drenched in sweat,
I realised I was running,
from throbbing headaches and pains,
Cloudy Sunday mornings,
driving me insane.
Spaceship landed,
Half matured man,
half wondering wolf,
Paws deep in mud,
preventing my quest,
for a partner in love,
Mary howls her hisses,
in strong gale winds,
Sunrise to sunset,
Fed up waiting for him,
To taste a teaspoon of courage,
To pop a balloon full of wisdom,
Sitting too comfortably,
In his own prison.
Howling winds flung me into the sea
waves lashed kelp ropes around me
my belligerence grew when I was seized
anger brewed the tighter they squeezed
With fists raised and teeth clenched
I resisted the harder they wrenched
voice rang out in acrimonious scream
my face contorted, wild eyes agleam
spittle dribbled from cracked lips
I neared the verge of sanity's eclipse
Man is but an elfin grain of sand
a mortal never has the upper hand
when wrangling with a sea of thunder
I was punished and plowed asunder
beneath coral reefs to ocean's floor
I cursed until I could no more
My swearing wails echoed my destiny
retched was my body from an angry sea
briny foam spit me on the rocky shore
done with me like an oft beaten whore
My crime was that I'd chosen wrong
the one I loved became my swan song
Piercing needles of torrential rain
burning injections increased the pain
Such bitter tea the cruel sea can steep
and I, a crumpet, tossed in restless sleep
Howling winds flung me into the sea
waves lashed kelp ropes around me
my belligerence grew when I was seized
anger brewed the tighter they squeezed
With fists raised and teeth clenched
I resisted the harder they wrenched
voice rang out in acrimonious scream
my face contorted, wild eyes agleam
spittle dribbled from cracked lips
I neared the verge of sanity's eclipse
Man is but an elfin grain of sand
a mortal never has the upper hand
when wrangling with a sea of thunder
I was punished and plowed asunder
beneath coral reefs to ocean's floor
I cursed until I could no more
My swearing wails echoed my destiny
retched was my body from an angry sea
briny foam spit me on the rocky shore
done with me like an oft beaten whore
My crime was that I'd chosen wrong
the one I loved became my swan song
Piercing needles of torrential rain
burning injections increased the pain
such bitter tea, the cruel sea can steep
I, a crumpet, tossed in restless sleep
Forsythia my friend, I still cannot not discern,
does a fiddlehead unravel into a lacy fern?
Lilly pads, flowered floating seats for fortunate frogs.
Monet’s favorite plant at his Giverny bog.
Orchid. This word becomes a lyric in a beautiful song.
A flower that is elegant, tranquil, and calm.
Wisteria emanates from little pea shaped blooms,
giving us a lavender, lovely perfume.
Echinacea, “Gazuntite”
A cousin to the daisy, whose name sounds like a sneeze.
Lovely on a table with a crumpet and some tea.
Rhododendrons, so large, pink and scarlet.
A shrub so thick and quite exotic.
Snapdragons are not dangerous at all, they often bloom right into fall.
Those ruffly, curly, open leaves, beg " Come in for lunch, honey bees"
For trick or treating Stella the strumpet
Got dressed up as a butterscotch crumpet
Caught his eye – Jabba the Hutt
He had hunger pangs in his gut
No more strumpet; Hutt plays "Taps" on trumpet
*For John Freeman's Halloween Limericks Contest. ©
If you haven't seen Star Wars, you can see an image of Jabba the Hutt at:
http://www.google.com/imgres?
imgurl=http://almostdorothy.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/jabba-the-hut-1-
749957.jpg&imgrefurl=http://almostdorothy.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/kristine-
snodgrass-an-interview-with-a-fledgling-
starlet/&h=425&w=351&sz=44&tbnid=ydiaMK997cAQVM:&tbnh=126&tbnw=104&prev
=/images%3Fq%3Djabba%2Bthe%
2Bhut&zoom=1&q=jabba+the+hut&hl=en&usg=__vXVHk5so6VdAvMm6AFFu5s1vark=
&sa=X&ei=ssnJTL2DEIGC8gamr-jsAQ&sqi=2&ved=0CCYQ9QEwAQ
My light trumpet under my nose
I always carry with me close
My garden I play for today
My trumpet stays with me all day
Garden I sing with my trumpet
Eden I swing like a crumpet
Sun shines over my paradise
Roses chant horn of Edelweiss
My paradise with sun I play
Zion's horn I blow no delay
To heavens I offer my plea
Angels in paradise I see
I’ll always remember the things that we did,
When you were my dad and I was your kid.
You were everything then that I wanted to be,
And you’re fully the reason why I became me.
We drew Indian villages on big cardboard sheets,
And on Sunday evenings we’d have midnight feasts.
You would toast us a crumpet on the fire with your fork,
You would play the Atari whilst I would just talk.
I would sit on the side while you made us both toast,
Whilst I told you wild stories of some made up coast,
You encouraged my dreaming and imagination,
You helped me to learn and embrace education.
You worked all hours going to put food on the table.
But you always made time to play games when you’re able.
All the kids in the area joined our huge snowball fights,
And most still remember you taught them to ride bikes.
We had all that we wanted and then some more on top,
With a legendary dad who was cream of the crop,
And as we grew up, and as we became men,
You were best friend and confident and then dad again.
If ever I needed advice or a moan,
You would always be there on the end of the phone,
You would listen for hours and though nothing was solved,
You would focus my mind, my belief and resolve.
You’re my teacher, my mentor and my happy place,
And though you leave us too soon there’s a smile on my face,
For your legacy shows how you’ve relished this life,
Leaving four loving sons and your Gail, your wife.
It’s so hard as I write this and say my goodbyes,
I will miss you for always and have many more cries.
But I want you to know whilst you’re leaving is sad,
How grateful I am to have had you as my dad.
In all I’ll achieve and the places I’ll see,
You’ll always be there seeing it right with me,
And if I’ve one regret, one thing I didn’t do,
It’s becoming a Dad who is loved just like you.
I owe you more than words; till we meet again old man.
The bakers brekky, was quite the tasty meal.
Eggs, crumpets, and tea plus butter was ideal.
Porridge when it’s brisky,
Cider quaffed so frisky,
Likes his crumpet crispy; brekky glut with zeal.
(And his gut he surely feeled.)
I was a torpedo, skimming the surface
of the green summer sea; I was a mountain,
touching the clouds at the summit, where
Frozen ice-pools lay. I was a crumpet, soaking
the butter of chat and cream tea. I was a musical
note, a skirling pipe, causing a dance in Firelight. I
Was a lover, loving in a plush hotel room, every day.
I was a massage, muscles bending, relaxing, in sweet
scented room. I was a cinema goer; drinking the flicks
With Milan, De Niro and Munro. I was a free man, away
from work, and bosses and targets too. I was a beach,
with white sand and too much drink. And, like the
Torpedo; I was a poem I wrote; which skimmed the
surface and made me feel free.
15/4/2015
Written for the Vacation contest 15/04/2015
Connor Constrictor
crept through the carpet.
Marianne Marmot
marched through the market
singing, “Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
Boys and girls join in singing,
“Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
Tutu Toucan
turned to and fro
while Wally Walrus
watched in slow mo.
Singing, “Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
Boys and girls join in singing,
“Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
Kami Chameleon
chewed a crumpet
and Tommy Tortoise
tuned up his trumpet
playing, “Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
Boys and girls join in singing,
“Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
All the animals
clamored for more,
more of the funny
musical score
singing, “Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
Boys and girls join in singing,
“Hi hey hi hey hi hey ho!”
"Butterscotch"
Butterscotch
kisses
morning coffee
sugar in my bowl
a little cream
hopscotch
spooning
never tasted
so sweet
morning coffee
a little honey
in my smile
tastes like sunshine
tastes like sin
hopscotch begins
hot crumpet
tart cherry jam
a little cream
kisses
Butterscotch
spooning
never tasted
so sweet
the sun
over me
when it rains
morning
blue sky
eventually ...
arrives
opens
the clouds
like curtains wide
like a revelation doesn’t hide
the sun
over me
when it rains
a bit of sanity
for the insane
divesting Nina ...
medicinal,
turns up
the Coltrane
(LadyLabyrinth / 2022)
“Equinox” /Coltrane
https://youtu.be/9Zyr0IDaRXQ
“Do I Move You”/ Nina Simone
https://youtu.be/31bD7QCiV1Q
La Nina Effect/Australia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effects_of_the_El_Ni%C3%B1o%E2%80%93Southern_Oscillation_in_Australia
https://www.news.com.au/technology/environment/what-another-la-nina-weather-event-could-mean-for-australias-summer/news-story/00d075d8d776303fb79a51f3342cd8e2
La Nina
https://youtu.be/vRq7xpx7AGg
https://youtu.be/qy5AzJv9MMw
rev 12:15 ;) ...
We’ve painted your smile disarming
Your glassy marbles alarming
Ignored your feeble warning, your face blue
We made our very own papier-mache Prince Charming
In what false light you’ve been hung
Your dreams must in harmony be sung
No solos for your tenor voice, honey
We force your hand on the top rung
From wuthering heights we trumpet
On your trust we rudely strumpet
Don’t resist sweet crumpet, we know best for you
Into infamy now you gladly plummet
1 crumpet. 2crumpet 3crumpet, 4
You no you shouldn't eat, a single crumpet more
Then there's crumpets 5, 6 then your at 7 crumpets more
Soon the 8th crumpet is also onboard
Apparently the 9th crumpet didn't appear although the truth about that is a little unclear,
By the 10th crumpet you realise that you've got a 10 crumpet problem,
But it's ok the secrets safe, because only the toaster truly knows,
And he's been warned, to keep quiet or out comes the plug and off he goes!
Is there a humour therapist in the house?
Sitting here, chortling, do not grouse,
If you abuse crumpets, men,
You undermine your own best interests, do you ken?
Then you don't get crumpet, men,
Or is men a rude word,
You're reaping what you've earned,
You want a cup of tea from me?
Chortle, the magic word is please!
You would not believe this ham,
Feeding the world this spam,
You want fresh vegetables?
Frozen food, not dementiable,
You can get another better than me,
So, what's wrong with you, prithee,
Yes, the catering staff is on a sitdown strike,
You'd best find yourself a loving wife,
Chortle, shut up snivelling, you grouse,
Is there a humour therapist in the house?
PLAYING BRIDGE
Wedenesday evening at Ruth and Cliff’s
Remembering suits and trumps, no trouble.
Eyes watching cards, no buts or ifs
When you’re vulnerable, double, redouble.
Ah, at last it’s break - some tea
And her home-made cakes, a little lunch.
The baby upstairs Cliff checks to see.
We check the score pad as we munch.
Argue over previous card which hid
Some missed chance to cross-trump it.
Finesse that failed due to some strange bid…..
Oh well, finish your tea and Ruth’s crumpet.
Now, a one-club opener. No more error
Again or partner won’t be forgiving.
We’ve got to win this rubber or
It’s a wipeout for the evening.
No good. It’s just not working. Got no cards.
Go for spoiling bid? Stop their smugness?
Try for seven no trumps the hard
Way - three passes and my long suit? Got to guess.
In for a penny, in for…
OK, it’s working , but who’s got the king?
Three no bids…...got to guess. Is it west or ...….?
Oops, east held it until the last playing.
“King of spades wrecks rubber-hopes high”
Headline in living-room newspaper commends.
Leg-pulls, commiserations, laughs, bye bye.
Wink-elbow language of friends.