Best Boozer Poems
“The death lasts an average of 49 days, starting from the day the deceased realized his death”. Bardo Thodol (The Tibetan Book of the Dead)
I beg you, death, pour me the final sip
of your elixir of the dreamless sleep.
Oh, strongest wine of darkness in the glass
I’ve dipped my lips just seven weeks ago,
which bitter sweetness promised to bestow
upon me an oblivion. Alas,
the everlasting boozer comes around.
He’s mortal as of now, he is bound
to see another one anemic dawn
of consciousness among the smoking ruins
of non-existence. Curse you all, the brewings
and the distilleries of death! The morn
of a new life is painful. The hangover,
the nausea, the ache - that's all what's left
of my sweet void. Oh, the internal heft
of being!.. The phlox, the marigold, the clover
on my fresh grave are still in bloom but I
am born again to suffer and to die.
A billionaire, he knew each wine by name
Todd Worthington of inheritance fame
Blindfolded he taste-tested
Fans watched so interested
Until a street boozer put him to shame
Fred stumbled in, challenged Todd to a race
Though Fred was not skilled in fine social grace
Drank Todd under the table
Todd out cold, Fred was able
To acquire high society’s embrace
Written June 18, 2011
for Francine’s “Bottle of Wine (Fruit of the vine, when...” contest”
~~~
Tis a gladness found in sadness
mostly pleasure
wince of pain
From an odor round the barroom
none the boys could e'er explain
Like a billowed line of washin'
after gentle fallen rain
Tis the wail of spring befallin'
on a barfly
oh ... the shame
~
Lo
there's homework
I'm the tender
to a list of things that broke
Ere the boss be sharing surely
words no poet ever spoke
Lazy good for nothing boozer
paint the fence and fix the gate
You want a pint ... you must be kidding
Plow the forty ... 'fore it's late
~
Down the misty path of memories
thoughts of Kelsey's brew appears
In a vision almost godly
round a table rests my peers
And no memory tarries longer
forceful
clearer
sweeter
stronger
than ol' Kelsey pouring liquor at the bar
I sheds a tear
~
Summer sadness tans bare shoulders
to replace the winter's shun
And the kids each day
they greet me ... Morning Dad
YOUR IT ... then run
Lord
I never knew that Heaven
'twas the place beyond my wall
Till I heard my children laugh
while toasting mallows in the fall
~
Though breath of Heaven
washed the aftertaste
of Kelsey's from my life
And forever I'll be holding ... dear
new memories
with my wife
I am angered at the sign
that hangs atop ol' Kelsey's door
. . . NO BARFLIES . . .
. . . CASH RESPECTED . . .
~
Sure
His wife now runs the bar
~~~
Notice me! Notice me! I’m being maligned
Everyone is against me, and I am mistreated
How can these awful people be so unkind?
I feel like I’ve been overlooked, cheated!
My fantastic poems were denied a placement
Time and again others seem to get rewarded
While my poems are tossed in the basement
And all of my creative efforts are thwarted.
This is the lousy attitude of a perpetual loser
He isn’t winning so the sponsor has cheated
Five gets you ten, he’s also a habitual boozer,
Feeling sorry for himself, his brain overheated.
I have no sympathy for whiners like this,
Who think most highly of themselves, it seems,
Who think everything they do merits a kiss
Their poetics are lacking, only in their dreams.
Written October 9, 2022
[In response to little Freddie’s
criticisms of my contests and
contest winners.]
Their was once en olde boozer named Mable,
Who inn her dotage was sow unstable.
She was thee village buffoon,
Swilling at ev'ry saloon.
Mable cud drink ewe under thee table!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Writes Reserved
Do you ever wonder why old people cry?
reasons unknown to you and I
here are some thoughts that come to mind
there are many more I'm sure you will find.
A well loved son killed in the war
now only a photo kept in a drawer.
A family pet who gave so much pleasure
just a precious memory that will live forever.
A silly quarrel with a once dear friend ..
regretted now, but too late to mend.
Little children who once sat on their knee
Now all grown up ,too busy to call,or off on a spree
Holidays and outings with friends and lovers
brings back happy memories of exciting things discovered
.
A day at the races for the first time ever
I chose the winner, you chose the other
I laughed at you and called you a loser
You took the huff and stomped off to the boozer!
Our old cat, Fluff , who caught many a mouse
and scared us to death bringing a live rat in the house.
A chat with a neighbour by the garden gate
unburdening all our woes,
of war and rations friends and allies
and who we thought were foes
Old fiends drifting past in our mind's eye
we thought it would never end and one day would say goodbye
But it does.
That holiday in Spain where you taught me to dance
The Pasadobla, the Tango...or was that in France ?,
Days at the beach when the children were small
building sandcastles , eating ice cream, sunburn and all.
trying to teach them all to swim, the splashing the shrieks, they made such a din.
Our daughter was wed at twenty three
and prouder parents there never could be,
two years later she had a son who did not last the year,
the grief felt by all was immeasurable 'twas almost too much to bear.
Time hangs heavy now I've lost my spouse
the ghosts and memories haunt the house,
so don't wonder as we age lost in memories of times gone by
So now you know why old people cry.
Arlene Phillips 2018 ©
Cocktail parties are an entrenched American custom, I suppose.
A forum to spew inane babble and where the booze freely flows!
I've suffered through more of them than I care to recall,
And I try to avoid them like the flu - they drive me up the wall!
Alas, an invite arrives and a firm decree from my spouse ensues!
"We're going!" I didn't even have a chance to voice my views!
This one to celebrate some guy's retirement or something or other.
I wish they'd include me out - I have little time for such pother!
I retreat to a corner of the room with my drink to gaze about and pout,
But bless my soul, invariably a gregarious boor always seeks me out,
Regaling me nose-to-nose with tedious trifle I really don't want to hear.
I dodge and parry with him but he insists on bending my weary ear!
I strive to be tolerant when such occasions beckon.
And I'm reasonably adept at observing social niceities, I reckon,
But that uncouth, sotted boozer bent on a gargantuan toot,
Makes me a bit fractious since he also spilled hooch on my suit!
I've heard more about his kids and job than I want to know,
The latest obscene jokes and how his investments are sure to grow!
Thankfully, his spouse appears and notes his besotted condition,
And graciously rescues me from his boring, wearisome rendition!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
4/30/17
Underneath what they consider lunar
Don't care if your name is super
So much for your future
And all of the rumors
There is nowhere you can go to outmaneuver
When I turn into Krueger
Take you out before the sound of the rooster
Whether or not on the computer
Or a scooter
Oh well that just makes one fewer
I don't care if you can't appreciate my humor
I come from the sewer
Not much of a snoozer
But a heavy duty boozer
Warning
Night and morning
The rage accumulating and forming
Before, during and after storming
In and out of areas with bugs that continue swarming
Feeling like Rick and not so much Morty
The temperature below, above or at the forties
In and out of different territories
Near and far from quarries
Coming in like Vorhees
It doesn't matter if you heard all the stories
Because nothing can prepare you for me
Considering that we all fall in different categories
And carry our own inventories
Mine can make it gory
Yours are empty normally
For you it just may end up horribly
Drawn out or ending shortly
I don't care about the glory
Or so called purgatory
A simple and friendly reminder
Don't have on your blinders
Think wiser
At elevations lower and higher
On foot or tires
Looking like Myers
In and out of areas devastated by fires
Above and below telephone wires
With a pair of pliers
Ready to eliminate any liars
Leaving behind no traces or fibers
Tried to go after me, but instead
He was caught, and pissed the bed
As it was off with his head
When I was Pinhead
Could be worse or better
More or lesser
Something that would do you some good to remember
Before I lose control of my temper
And become Lecter
Against whomever
Thinks their clever
Whenever
During any weather
The surrounding suddenly became redder
Not concerned about opinions
A one man army on a mission
They wanted to give me a million
Endless medical prescriptions
And to persuade me with religion
But I wouldn't give in or listen
Because I am a villain
By: Dalton Ogletree
There once was a lovable loser
A smoker and hard-drinking boozer
Devil said, Try Mary Jane
She'll surely ease all your pain
Loser vowed ~ never to abuse her
Lisa's vodka voice
calls from outside,
later than late, when
the stars have shut down
for the night, refusing
boozer-sight that prevents
one from tripping.
Screech owl's search light,
a Full-Sturgeon moon,
is still much too dark, if inebriated
to distinguish which cement walls
are most likely to attack.
Two eves past, her
horse auditioned,
center-stage,
in the living room.
He too loves a good
drink.
Excuse me, for I hear
her knock of desperation
at the door. As for Duke,
the horse; not to worry,
he can hold his own beer.
There is a stolen railroad car named "Schmow".
The big question of the day is: "Where did it go?"
The Penciltucky Railroad would really like to know,
so they sent one of their detectives named Moe.
Inside the car is a spinster named Roberta
With her is her younger sister named Nora.
The two men with them are Shemp and Larry.
Nora hopes Roberta and Shemp will marry.
Shemp is someone with a lot of money.
Nora would like Shemp to make Roberta his honey.
However, Larry thinks Shemp is a loser.
That is because Shemp is too much of a boozer.
Shemp is really in love with Carrie.
This Carrie happens to be a giant canary.
The trouble is, Carrie is imaginary.
Shemp wants to give Carrie a kiss and a hug
whenever he takes a sip from his jug.
Along comes Roberta's previous lover named Moe.
Do you wonder where this situation will go?
All you have to do is watch the video.
Based on the 1952 Columbia Pictures short "Cuckoo on a Choo Choo" starring the Three Stooges.
Looked in mirror
Too much booze last night
Who is that bum I see?
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
These days are a challenge, it's no wonder
With this whole world all asunder.
Twas better when I was younger
Unaware of war and plunder.
Or making money to survive each day
Never was this hard, I surely say
Lost it all in a very sad way
I'm obsolete, I no longer play.
I won't give up, I'm not a loser.
I drink too much, I am a boozer.
My thoughts keep coming, I'm not a snoozer.
Please don't judge me, be my accuser.
Am I the only one whose life has become
A daily grind, with fear and then some?
Why can't I find the faith to be at one
To believe life will change, once again be fun.
I need to work for life to have meaning.
To strengthen my resolve, to be redeeming.
Where is the job that I am needing?
Don't want to beg or needless pleading.
I open my heart, my mind, and soul
In the positive vein, I'll reach my goal
Like a crap game, I'm on a roll.
Got out of this rut, out of this hole.
There was a guy who was a real loser
Only because he was quite a boozer.
He'd drink and drink and drink all day
Then he'd drink the night away.
He could not keep a job because of his habit
Always blaming something else, as he drank about it.
He would talk at the bar as he was a real gab
Couldn't pay for his drinks, so they kept a tab.
After losing a job for the fourth or fifth time
He almost went into a life of crime.
He didn't know how to get out of this hole
And always seemed to be on the dole.
One night on his way to another bar
He heard some singing from a church not far.
The music enticed him for a look see
Imagine his surprise at inside there who'd be.
It was a young girl, maybe nine or ten
He hadn't seen her since he could remember when.
Her angelic face was one of the keys
With her sweet voice...brought him to his knees.
He knew at once he was being shamed
By a power so great, now only he himself could be blamed.
For there was the Lord asking him, "Why,
Did his little girl come to the church and cry?"
The quiet words that a child implored
Heard up in heaven, by the Almighty Lord.
It was that moment when grace grasped him
Shook him awake, to recognize his sin.
After that night he cleaned up his act
For with the Lord he had made a pact.
From now on, sober would he be
And his daughter again, her father would see.
For the Lord had heard the prayers of this little child
Turned to her father, making him timid and mild.
Many years went by as then these two
Once again, into a family grew.
He found a job that he worked for the next twenty years
Thanking God each night, as he fought back the tears.
So, if there is something that you need in your life
Put it in the hands of the Almighty, Who alone can calm your strife.
I know a boy named Willy Wolly Way
Parties all night and sleeps all day.
He is a boozer. He is a shmoozer.
Like a tomcat,he must stray.
He is a layer.He is a player.
I know a boy named Willy Wolly Way.
I know a girl named Milly Molly May.
She wants a baby in the worst way.
She is a cutie.She is a beauty.
Has her sights set upon her prey.
She is insistent.She is persistent.
I know a girl named Milly Molly May.
Billy Bolly Cilly Colly Drilly Drolly Filly Folly Gilly Golly Hilly Holly Jilly Jolly
Willy Wolly Way and Milly Molly May
Went up a hill,but not for water.
Milly Molly May forgot her pill.
Nine months later,she had a daughter.
Oh,so glad was Milly Molly May.
Named the infant Dilly Dolly Day.
Oh,so mad was Willy Wolly Way.
So indifferent to Dilly Dolly Day.
Milly Molly May took him to court.
Tried to get some Child support
"I'm not the father",said Willy Wolly Way.
The judge said,"Give me your DNA".
The test confirmed Willy's worst fear.
The judge said "ten thousand bucks a year".
Willy Wolly Way,didn't want to pay.
He left the city the very next day.
Milly Molly May,moved to L.A.
Became a stripper to support Dolly Day.
Lilly Lolly Nilly Nolly Pilly Polly Quilly Quolly Rilly Rolly Silly Solly Tilly Tolly
I know a boy named Willy Wolly Way.
A fugitive in the U.S.A.
He's in a jam now.He's on the lam now.
God knows where he is today.
He couldn't bother being a father.
I know a boy named Willy Wolly Way.
I know a girl named Milly Molly May
She got married in Californiay
She is a dreamer.She is a schemer.
Has a kid with another on the way.
She is so happy.They have a pappy.
I know a girl named Milly Molly May.
Villy Volly Yilly Yolly Zilly Zolly Brilly Brolly Crilly Crolly Drilly Drolly Frilly Frolly
Flilly Flolly Grilly Grolly Glilly Glolly Prilly Prolly Smilly Smolly Shrilly Shrolly Stilly Stolly Shmilly Shmolly Trilly Trolly Zrilly Zrolly
Now,that's the story of Willy Wolly Way!
And,that's the story of Milly Molly May!