Best Beaumont Poems
Let's All Drink to Lockdown
by Jan Beaumont ©
I'm normally a social girl
I love to meet my mates
But lately with the virus here
We can't go out the gates.
You see, we are the 'oldies' now
We need to stay inside
If they haven't seen us for a while
They'll think we've upped and died.
They'll never know the things we did
Before we got this old
There wasn't any Facebook
So not everything was told.
We may seem sweet old ladies
Who would never be uncouth
But we grew up in the 60s -
If you only knew the truth!
There was sex and drugs and rock 'n roll
The pill and miniskirts
We smoked, we drank, we partied
And were quite outrageous flirts.
Then we settled down, got married
And turned into someone's mum,
Somebody's wife, then nana,
Who on earth did we become?
We didn't mind the change of pace
Because our lives were full
But to bury us before we're dead
Is like red rag to a bull!
So here you find me stuck inside
For 4 weeks, maybe more
I finally found myself again
Then I had to close the door!
It didnt really bother me
I'd wile away the hour
I'd bake for all the family
But I've got no flaming flour!
Now Netflix is just wonderful
I like a gutsy thriller
I'm swooning over Idris
Or some random sexy killer.
At least I've got a stash of booze
For when I'm being idle
There's wine and whiskey, even gin
If I'm feeling suicidal!
So let's all drink to lockdown
To recovery and health
And hope this awful virus
Doesn't decimate our wealth.
We'll all get through the crisis
And be back to join our mates
Just hoping I'm not far too wide
To fit through the flaming gates!
Failure
By Jan Beaumont
My face is red, my brow is wet,
My temper's really frayed
I just can't do it, it's too tough
My failure's well displayed.
Though many can, it's just not me,
I'm useless through and through
They've tried to show me but it's just
A thing that I can't do.
I've tried my best, but I give up
I need a whisky - neat,
Don't judge me harshly, life's too short
To fold a fitted sheet!
Wet skies
Grey dawn
Blankets the coast.
Black rocks
Sea foam
Triggers the most
Atlantic applause,
An encore to those
Just hearty enough
To make a life on The Rock.
And to answer the call,
Between stone cracks,
Moss roots,
And squalls,
A garden was planted
Where nothing
Had grown
Before.
Before...
Before the Gardener came
The coast was a love-lettered painting,
A bouquet to the sun,
Orange, red, and yellow flattery
Through living imitation.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God,"
Said the sign
On the gate
At the edge of St Johns.
"But I think I've finally found it,"
Said the man
Creeping silent
With his too sharp sheers
Cutting flowers
Uninvited. -
- Everyone's front lawn
A memory
Of what united
Them for two score years.
Bloody hands dropping pedals on his way to the shore,
"Don't worry," said the man,
"I don't want to come back,
With any luck," he said again,
"I think this should be enough."
As he placed in the arrangement
A note that read,
"Je suis
Désolé.
Bitte fragen Sie nicht
Für mehr."
100 years ago, July 1st, 1916, the entire Newfoundland and Labrador regiment was killed at Beaumont-Hamel, during the Battle of the Somme in World War I. Of 780, only 68 reported for roll-call the next day.
After 40 some years of having no military of their own, they had mustered up a unit of volunteers to support the war effort. 90% of them never made it through their first engagement.
Canada Day isn't just about celebrating.
I am a Beast— I dwell in the Realm of Hunger.
Once upon a time, when I was younger,
Some enchantment did enfold
My heart in frozen, icy cold;
And my world became a prism—
Mirror image of a schism
Deep within my very being.
Soon all I was ever seeing
Was the surface of a looking glass…
I could not break this curse— alas—
Now I’m a Beast all shun and damn.
Though surrounded with wealth, ad nauseam,
I lack the treasures of the heart;
And I am doomed to live apart
From everyone. There is only
One way to save me from being the lonely,
Ugly, stupid Beast you see…
Someone beautiful must love me.
But that’s impossible, I know all too well.
And there’s nothing else that can break this spell.
~ Harley White
[From: One Two Three a Trilogy – One – “Beauty and the Beast” – my rendering in musical theater – based on versions by Madame de Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot Villleneuve (1740) and Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont (1756)]
I love food. Sometimes a little much!
Food for Thought
By Jan Beaumont ©?
Each country has food that they're known for
Their own local dish you might say
Some are delicious and some a bit strange
And some I'd just think 'oh no way!'
The Chinese of course have their dumplings
They love their pad thai in Bangkok
In Jamaica there's salt fish and ackee rice too
And most people like food from a wok.
They enjoy suckling pig in Korea
There are burgers in old USA
There's a prawn on the barbie in Aussie
And Italians eat pizza each day.
I have tried tasty frog's legs in Paris
But I didn't enjoy escargot
A tandoori chicken in Delhi's just fine
And black pudding in Scotland's a go!
I really enjoy a Greek salad
A hot bowl of pho in Saigon
Yakatori's a great way to eat in Japan
About food I could go on and on.
Of course there's roast beef in old Blighty
Consumed with a great Yorkshire pud
And smothered in gravy on Sundays
Could anything else be that good?
I love a nice tasty Welsh rarebit
In Canada they eat poutine
We live in one huge worldwide kitchen
I'm sure that you know what I mean.
But now we're back home in New Zealand
With our hangi, our pies, L&P,
Vogels bread and our great kiwi icecream
There is no place that I'd rather be!
Jacob Luetweiler
1865-1948
From Highland Illinois I travelled,
Travelled with wife, children and the family bible,
Came with stout brethren and brothers in the faith.
And my far-flung epitaph is this:
My friends, I have seen the rain!
I have held the rain in my cupped calloused hands,
Heard the rain as it descended like a demon!
Assaulting the dry land without mercy,
Annihilating the barren and dead land,
As it washes and whirls,
Whispers, envelops and quietly caresses.
My friends, I have stood in the rain!
Stood in the inundations at Beaumont,
Stood sentry and expectantly there,
In its merciful, cleansing invocations,
Stood watching the approaching rain,
Come to earth like dead children,
Come from heaven,
Come to bring drink to the thirsty valley,
Come to bring hope for the new harvest.
My friends, I have seen the rain!
Felt the rain as it purifies and slakes,
Baptizes and consecrates;
Seen the rain from my gaping window
Many times in old Beaumont,
Inside the white house by the river there,
With Fannie, my brood, and a murder of crows.
My friends, indeed, I have seen the rain!
Come to earth like dead children,
Come from heaven.
Captain Tom
By Jan Beaumont ©
He was somebody we'd never heard of
Just a man quietly living his life
But a man who'd seen things that he shouldn't
Like battle and horror and strife.
He was loved and surrounded by family
Had a home and a warm comfy bed
Then the horrible virus that hit us
Changed the world when it reared its cruel head.
There were so many people who sickened
There were those who were fighting to live
And then there were those who were there by their side
Who were ready and willing to give.
Captain Tom saw a need to do something
He wanted to help where he could
He started to walk in his garden
Back and forth for the NHS good.
He wanted to raise just a thousand
He thought he could do it you see
But instead that old soldier raised millions
Just by walking each day tirelessly.
It's not as if he was a young man
He had lived to a wonderful age
On his one hundredth birthday
They honoured him well
He now found himself on the world stage.
For on his centennial birthday
His name became almost eternal
They promoted the man who'd achieved oh so much
And Tom Moore went from Captain to Colonel!
Michael Ball and our Tom made a record
And it went to the top of the charts
The oldest man ever to be No 1
And of course No 1 in our hearts.
So we thank you for everything,
Colonel Tom Moore
You selflessly gave us your best
You have done us all proud, you're a hero
Now just go put your feet up and rest!
Reasons
Sometimes we think,
Sometimes we drink!
Sometimes our mind,
Is lost in liquor or wine!
The trouble between both black and white,
Is that each see their view as right!
Let's work together for a single master,
Instead of fighting, which ends in disaster!
We could try annihilation of others,
But I ask you, who would go first!
With so much deviance in our behavior,
The human race is quickly becoming a disgrace!
With more and more conflict, prejudice, and discrimination,
What is becoming of our so-called wonderful nation!
It is not too late for us to live in assimilation,
But the longer it is put off, this leads to disorganized nations!
All of us have God-give rights,
Why can't we live together, peacefully & quiet?
Let's all work together and end this vicious cycle,
Let's stop xenophobia, before it destroys us!!!
Written at the University of Arkansas in 1992 for Black History Month, among others, honoring the continued work of my colleague Mrs. Sandra Dupree, who married now Mrs. Sandra Goodwin, I have her letter from 3.26.02. If any questions of my wisdom, Texas continues to dishonor by not allowing to teach as of today two years after www.texasteachers.com 12.5.16 assured employment, she was highly appreciative of utilizing, when at the University of Arkansas with our Challenged Conquistadors, Inc., which many in Texas feels I am a fraud, phony, fake, etc., since not allowed to speak about Harvard University referenced wisdom, since 1997 obtained from the University of Arkansas? As Sergeant at Arms, and National Science Teachers Association member #20039, the Beaumont Library has stated I am a bully, Kinsel Motors a nuisance, Wal Mart & Star Bowl affirm bully, fake, fraud, etc.
The Beaumont Better Business Bureau has all the documentation since 12.22.17, when honesty was affirmed by Dr. Senthilkumar, MD, 409-838-4338, witnessed by Bro. Steve Buser 409-651-8778.
Graeme’s hero is Steven Gerrard,
That Liverpool and LA football player,
And has Cerebral Palsy. It was hard,
‘Cos doctors said he’d never blether.
He was prematurely delivered 1979,
But can now lift 3x his body weight.
For his 8th birthday his parents fine,
Bought him a horse, sports to date.
He studied at Beaumont College,
In Lancaster, where he got involved,
In CP sports competitions to wage,
His abilities and strength devolved.
Joining Chorley town Athletic Club,
He became determined to make it,
And in May 2012 Graeme did tub,
Taking silver, to sprint the Worlds fit.
Then in the London Games, Paras,
He won another silver to objectify,
His raw talent in the T36 100 metres,
In which he does his dreams solidify.
Constance
Sarcastic, Mother, Loyal, Friend
Daughter of Mikal and Donna
Lover of writing, music, and moonlight
Who feels love, sadness, and hope
Who fears failure, flying roaches, and lonliness
Who would like to see Ireland, Puerto Rico, and Maine
Resident of Beaumont, Texas
Gilmore
A Shaggy Tale
By Jan Beaumont ©
My hairdresser - like me -
is still on lockdown
My image in the mirror's
made it crack
I'm thinking I should go
into the bedroom
Turn the lock and stay there
till she's back.
I look like some untidy
scruffy hobo
My unkempt mane has turned from
blonde to white
Its grown like garden weeds
In summer rainfall
I'm honestly
A most peculiar sight.
I used to be a natural
shade of auburn
Not ginger, but a rather
fetching red
But now the white
has started reappearing
And what I've got's
a 'piebald' look instead.
I guess I'll have to self apply
some colour
It seems the only thing
that I can do
I'll tuck the messy strands
behind my earlobes
And say a silent prayer
For Level Two.
On Level Four we can't
Go out to movies
No takeaways or cream cakes
From the caf
No shopping, and no visits
To our girlfriends,
This lockdown lark is well
And truly naff.
So Level Three should see us
slightly better
We're hoping that the weeks
will somehow fly
But Level Two's the one
I'm hanging out for
Its enough to make me
drink the cabinet dry.
My image now has gone from
bad to shocking
I think I'll have to put it
To the vote
I'm off to get the
biggest sharpest razor
But ... do I cut my hair
Or cut my throat?
This virus seems to be
A little weaker
I hope so - I can feel
It in my gut.
Let's hope we're down
from Three to Two real quickly
'Cos I'm desperate for
a dye job and a cut!
Captain Luca
By Jan Beaumont
Some of us are lucky to have grandsons
Those little boys who make your heart just burst
If I'd known just how much joy I'd find in grandkids
I'd have surely found a way to have them first!
A father-son relationship is special
Its lovely seeing dads with their wee boys
They learn so much from spending time together
That companionship is much more fun than toys.
My grandson's an amazing little fellow
His imagination's wildly off the chart
He knows exactly what he plans on doing
He's six years old but knew it from the start.
He has no plans to be a firefighter
No policeman, racecar driver or mechanic
For he knows just where his destiny will take him
He's going to be the Captain of Titanic!
He knows about the iceberg and what happened
He's quite aware it didn’t end so well
He wants to raise it from Atlantic's seabed
And after that, well only time will tell!
He's planning to get married to his girlfriend
He says he'll call his children 'Jack' and 'Rose'
His wife will watch the wee ones while he's 'busy on the ship'
But just where they will sail to, heaven knows!
I'm sure his plans will change as he gets older
But his future will be brilliant I am sure
For Captain Luca has a great ambition
And long may all his hopes and dreams endure!
It was dusty, dry and endless
Stretched beneath an empty sky
From horizon to horizon
Where the turkey buzzards fly,
Like a landscape meant to warn you
Just how far a man can fall.
Except for Ruby in El Paso,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
Took a powder in Fort Stockton.
Crossed the Pecos makin’ time.
San Antone gave way to Austin
On the Travis County line.
Shot a rattlesnake in Waco
With my back against the wall.
Except for Bobbi-Jo in Beaumont,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
I’ve seen Lubbock and Laredo,
Seen Odessa/Midland, too.
Met a sweet young thing in Brownsville,
Just another déjà vu.
Didn’t tell her I was leaving,
But I promised her I’d call.
Except for Emmylou in Houston,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
Learned to do the Stockdale two-step
In the local Lone Star style.
Danced a Galveston fandango
With a Corpus Christi smile.
Set a sucker up in Dallas,
But my partner dropped the ball.
Except for Jill in Amarillo,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
Cheers for Chocolate
By Jan Beaumont ©
There are some things in life that you can't do without
Those things that make everything great
When you're feeling quite down or you're sad or depressed
Here's happiness right on a plate!
I'm talking 'bout chocolate, that food we all love
I don't care if its milky or dark
Black forest or mint or the old fruit and nut
On a chocolate affair let's embark!
There's Snickers and Kit Kats and Crunchies and Twix
Of Reece's I've got a huge stash
There's chocolate chip cookies and then for a treat
A cake spread with creamy ganache.
Who doesn't like chocolate? There's no one I'm sure
Doesn't crave that delicious ingestion
For chocolate's the answer just every time
And you don't even ask "What's the question?"
I must say I feel quite a rush of delight
As those creme eggs go in through my lips
I cannot say no even though I'm aware
Of how long they will stay on my hips!
There's some say that chocolate is better than sex
But I'm not sure if I'd go that far
It might just come close if you take off your clothes
And spread it all on from a jar!
And then when it's late and the day's at an end
And the final goodnights have been said
You can go in the kitchen and heat up some milk
And take your 'hot' chocolate to bed!
The Marvellous Moggy
By Jan Beaumont
There's something for which most of us all share a great affection
A thing that's like a living welcome mat
While some like dogs for comradeship and sometimes for protection
A lot of people own a much loved cat.
Now 'own' is hardly relevant as most of us would know
It will tolerate you if it wants a snack
While you can call a dog and he'll come running to your side
The cat says "Leave a message, I'll get back."
Now some are quite affectionate while others are aloof
And some are just delicious balls of fluff
But if you stroke it longer than its wanting to be stroked
You'll surely know when it has had enough.
There are some that twine around your legs and some sit on your lap
The minute you sit down they're in your face
Although its nice, the thing is when they finally get off
You end up with their hair in every place!
Their favourite spot's the keyboard when you're trying hard to work
They lie across it, totally spread out
Or if you try to read, they lie completely on your book
Its just to brass you off, without a doubt!
And first thing in the morning just before your eyes are open
You've the feeling that there's something in your space
You slowly raise an eyelid and you're greeted with the sight
of these staring eyes two inches from your face.
In winter its a 'hottie' as it comes and shares your bed
And down beneath the sheets it disappears
How deep it goes depends on just how cold the night's become
You'd be lucky if you even saw its ears!
We all have favourite types of cat, there's certainly a lot
Some of us like tabbies, some Burmese
But no matter what your preference there'll be one just right for you
Whichever one you choose its sure to please.
Our cats are often with us for a great amount of years
And we love them like our children there's no doubt
And when its time to leave us it can really break our hearts
As we watch the light behind their eyes go out.
So now we can remember all those precious little ones
And the pleasure that they gave us through the years
They'll always be so special and they'll stay within our hearts
As the memory of each 'moggy' reappears!