Best Arms Race Poems

Archie A. Agag, the American Idol Kaiser
Be hiding in an underground concrete bunker
Closed-eyed hate peeper sleepy late-riser
Dreaming of a bottom end H-bomb dumpster
Enter the REM meltdown maelstrom at every kiosk money mall
F-18's flying overhead the puny ant farm military parade
General Moronika making the Armageddon mushroom...

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We've heard all about the stockpiling,
the toilet rolls, lettuce and beans,
but secretly more of this is going on
unnoticed, and behind the scenes.
The Government, in our best interests,
(which translates they take us for mugs)
have warehouses scattered all over the place
in which they are stockpiling hugs.
They've seen...

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Nuclear missiles
  as outdated as whistles

Hypersonic jets
  don't scare my pets

Multiple warheads
  won't knock you dead

The winner of my weaponry race
  two loving arms take first place...

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Arms, legs,
fists, feet,
beating chests;
teeth meet.

Stones, bones,
sharp-honed tusks,
poisoned darts;
obsidian clubs.

Slings, arrows,
outrageous bows,
black-edged flints;
sharp-pointed swords.

Red-glare rockets, 
gold knightly spears,
squat-humped cannons;
trebuchets.

Muskets, pistols,
bayonet rifles, 
spitting Maxims;
Tommy guns.

Gray battleships,
deep submarines,
articulated tanks;
V-ones, V-twos.

Experimental Zeppelins,
jet-fighter planes,
flying forts;
atomic bombs.

Poison gas,
Laser rays,
will it ever end;
the race?...

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