Best Aerosol Poems
Who cut the curd cyanide cheese,
thinning out the rank suspect crowd?
Who gassed death in the air bleed,
releasing an odor murder most foul?
Follow the phew olfactory clues,
motive scented everywhere ghoul smell
Mrs. White was it your grey hairs ...
leaving a poison bottom bottle mist trail
spiraling down the Library stairs?
Professor Plum where did you
just Hallway fruity fungi come from?
The Observatory Room window was open,
but now it’s mysteriously been closed
Did you concoct this suffocating wrench plan,
and what’s with the cotton-stuffed nose?
Everybody here got the crimson royal flushed face,
that could only mean one candlestick thing —
Miss Scarlet’s been butt creeping around the place,
no doubt, looking for the hidden bling-bling
Still, who got the super bad mojo Bathroom bowels,
so flatulently criminal ... making eyes roll?
Who put Mr. Green’s intestinal aerosol-laced towels
in the Kitchen behind the snuff dish bowl?
What do those Clues tell you, Lady A.C. detective,
it’s a foul play odor-kill so Murder She Wrote
A farted-out farce, very nasal encore hard to sniff —
the last big reveal is an Insp. Clouseau note:
Colonel Mustard did it
with a gastronomical strangling choke
In the Guest Room
with a belly-loosened, vapor belt rope
Axe the old Don, a trump peter n piper
of incredulous hellish crud - be gone
ha air brushed pompous ****
Sunkist in Macy's window
then like a jackal hound, he doth run
after public outcry yelps
for his hide leaving
proletarian discord re: pyrrhic victory won.
Donald Duck Trump ™$ - a pompous ass
makes war with his big brass
knuckles and bucket of crass
maligns vis a vis character assassination
while kissing thing kith
darting forked tongue sharp as bro kin glass
inciting banal deathly hallowed
expletives toward lass
sees – especially Fox Television
news anchor woman Megyn Kelly
(quite so many ill mannered indiscretions ago)
inducing said personality
to bear the brunt of brutish mass
of vitriolic n vile insults sacrilegiously
maliciously, noxiously, opprobiously
incriminating, hellaciously,
desecrating opportunistically as hiss oh piss
so…NO amp pull VOTE of confidence from me
(thus far ohm host halfway to 2020 election
toward such a volt char quite rude, snooty
arrogant simian with sass.
I van (terribly hard pressed)
to describe while sitting on me rump
how he oh bomb in lee rages
gnashing false teeth
Wilma backside doth slump
still blasting Democratic nomination
(pa hill a reed) as sham –
from special interest bro and sis turn pump
he, the epitome of
crass bloviation, a malignant lump
whose rants,
sans presidential outcome a shame
bullying with his millions beds this,
that and another woman to bareback jump
disseminating gene pool
birthing more Quakers
and additionally doth hump
the mass media as some foolhardy charade
and caricature of a frazzled grump
this arboreal clothed ape erected Taj Mahal
phallic symbol, where players dump
and gamble away hard earn cash
for his kitty, as if that cachet
to grind and bump
lambasting with maniacal
like "Stormy Dan" yells
leering oafish ill pout
while hair rum
(of red follicular) bulls ad hocks
atop his bulbous aerosol sprayed locks
resemble a flock
of bronzed sea gulls mocks
heady measly shaped Muppet Ox
dis eased cranial hologram shocks
of a cretaceous, facetious tocks
(sic) exogenous, insidious, and obstreperous vox.
She's thirty-three, single,
her Mom babysits her
five year old son.
She reassures herself it's
just two more hours,
then it's the blessed weekend.
Which means delicious sleep.
She has no nest egg,
she's just getting by.
There is one kind aging matron
who makes her lunch when she
cleans her large stately home.
Yet, other well-to-do homeowners
cast their false superiority heavy
in the air as she imagines wiping
off their smug faces with Pledge.
She hums to a catchy pop tune
while scrubbing toilets and
spraying down whirlpool bathtubs
as her muscles ache,
wishing she could soak in one.
Maid for the ungrateful,
she smiles remembering her
First Holy Communion,
her snow-white lacy veil,
with her rosary of pearlescent
ivory beads.
Then, a memory of
teenage politics of high school
with random daydreams like
impromptu snapshots.
Her lips and throat dry from
those wretched aerosol sprays,
always forgetting her face mask.
A few sips of tepid Gatorade,
as she softly prays her son will
excel in school.
Her learning disabilities held
her back despite her gift of
intelligence.
This day's cleaning was at the
home of a lawyer's snooty wife,
who was lunching with friends
after klutzy attempts at tennis
at the country club.
Maid for the ungrateful,
can hardly wait to get home
to soak her worn feet with
warm water and Epsom salt
in a porcelain basin. ~
The flash of fear I feel
at passing darkened windows
or dim-lit mirrors comes
when I observe, reflected,
a stranger in my clothes
(or skin) and think:
is this the me
that other people see?
This ghostly image
that I know cannot be me?
Though its actions correspond
to those I take
in shaving, bathing,
wielding cans of aerosol,
surely I would recognize
this jaded, aging,
desensitized distraction
that the world
mistakes
for me.
Football, volleyball, baseball, softball,
Racquetball, handball, basketball, hardball. . . .
There're lots of sports in the world you play with a ball,
And you can't play any of them if you're an oddball.
If you want to be good at any such sport,
You've certainly got to give it your all.
No such sport is as easy as playing with a snowball.
Choose one of those sports and pay all your attention to it.
If you don't devote your energy to it,
You'll surely fall into a downfall.
Before your practice, you shouldn't take a highball
Or any other kind of alcohol.
If you do, you may get into a pitfall.
During a game, there're numerous dangers to forestall.
If you don't take enough care, you may rush into a sidewall.
Or you may even get your head crushed against a stonewall.
Be on guard not to catch cold during a snowfall.
If you make any such blunder, you'll end up being a goofball.
After your practice, take a good rest, which is a real cure-all.
Whenever you feel dry in your nose, use a spray of aerosol.
If your girlfriend is with you, ask her to put on a camisole.
If she's a beautiful girl from Nepal,
Have her use a brilliant orange parasol,
Whose design reminds you of a refreshing waterfall.
If you feel uncomfortable kissing her,
Try some toothpaste with xylitol,
Perhaps with a little bit of menthol.
That may remind you of your ex-lover
Who spoke beautiful Provençal.
When you think you've eaten too much,
Start watching your level of cholesterol.
If you don't, you may be no better than a neanderthal.
If you do, your life will get back to a pastorale.
Well, I think that by now I've told you all.
(June 28, 2015)
Catastrophes,natural disasters and torrential rains
what causes these thing to happen, on whom do you place the blame?
mankind has misused and abused this planet on which we live
Mother Nature must make adjustments, the forces of nature then give
we have built too many buildings, taken over too much land
an earthquake may be a realignment to the acts and plans of man
aerosol cans, rain forest diminishing, the erosion of the soil and ground
when the rain eventually falls the lack of trees causes the mud to slide down
God gave us some power, many have called it free-will
mankind can use it for good or he can use it for ill-will
yet when many lives are lost and so many souls depart
why does anyone think to ask, was it an act of God?
air pollution, water pollution, the whole industrial age
has ravaged our planet and brought about Mother Nature's rage
we act before we think, we destroyed things that can't be replaced
maybe Mother Nature is trying to tell us to do an about face
tsunamis, monsoons and all types of major tidal waves
may be a wake-up call to how we have behaved
we need to come together and start making some major plans
stop raping our natural resources and start preserving God's land
so if anyone ever asks you, was it an act of God the Lord Christ?
just ask them for this planet, what has mankind sacrificed?
we are selfish in our deeds, self-absorbed in our needs
eventually we must bear the blame and we all will pay the price
just don't be so quick to place the burden of guilt on God the Lord Christ
Now here's something I've never thought of before
How'd they get the air in those aerosol cans I implore
A major phenomenon
Need help from dear mom
Mom knows everything, she's smart to the core
The Valentine dress
A shock and surprise full of red and blue
coming from a heart, mine is devoted to
and from a hand I so value as my cute protection.
It is colourful, fitting and above all an exhibition of love.
The pan
A symbol of my dedication to the family’s need;
a loving reminder of all wonderful breakfasts,
its wash, a satisfaction of my duties already rendered.
The flowers
The purity of beauty without visual effect,
sparkle on the soul to answer their good morning call.
Please every evening with their aerosol of happiness spray,
causing every creature to relax and play.
The wall
A wedge to my upright smooth back
when in a tingly mood so homely and tender.
Its cold sensation, under my handy touch
serves as a suitable background to deep thoughts.
Unfortunately
On the wrong side of an argument,
the pan and my head cause an impact.
At the door ready for a nice outing
the admirable dress is now half way a rag,
the innocent flowers, becoming victims
of rage and uncontrollable violence
and a wall once noted for emotional reflection
is repainted with the splash of blood.
Indeed
I’ve absorbed all the heat and pressures- now he’ll burn.
Human right always prevail over the muscles- this he’ll see!
Immeasurable determination has been planted in a wounded lion
and no amount of sacrifice will deter this quest until justice is served.
A Pesky Mosquito
There is this pesky little mosquito…
It nipped painfully down there on my big toe..
Quick! I’ll need to strike back or it will soon flit off again…
Even as my brain registers its itchy pain...!
Grrr! If only it stays in one place…
I’ll make sure it becomes as flat as a pancake…
Yes! If only it stays still till I’m ready….
I’ll have it all flattened and crushed already..!
One tiny but ever so pesky mosquito…
Merrily it flies off to land lightly on another big toe..
All it does, now and then, is to give a little nip…
You’ll see me scratching from each itch..!
There it lands again, finally!
Steadily and stealthily I bend down, right palm opened, up and ready…
Ouch! What a mighty slap I did give…
Hell! My skin smarts but the mosquito, it still lives..!
One tiny pesky little mosquito…
I’m going crazy with the itches on both my toes…
Do lend me a hand, readers and my fans…
Please help me and see off this little fiend..!
O God, why such a nasty little insect…
Thank Heavens somebody invented this aerosol for insects…!
Here, eat this, you nasty, cursed little pest..
This aerosol I spray is supposedly the best in the market..!
Aha, oh glory be…!
My pesky and nasty little mosquito is finally at rest…
When fully into this bug aerosol I put my trust….!
Lord! What a relief…!
My itching toes, one final scratch, that’s all they need…
One pesky little mosquito…. And my poor suffering toes…!
http://www.star2.com/living/living-environment/2016/04/27/fear-em-or-hate-em-mosquitoes-are-very-amazing-creatures-heres-why/
(My poem is done in Mixed Rhyme which is a form created right here on PoetrySoup by our fellow poet, Ernesto Santiago.)
Things will get worse!
Year after year, of course.
Spend some time planning survival,
don't be blind, don't live in denial.
This message is for the Milliennials,
the one's who were left behind,
the ones who lost parents and grandparents,
but you have survived, it's just not your time.
You bore the weight of the world,
carried the existence of mankind,
raised children you did not bare,
taught them to be loving and kind.
Teach them also to be smart!
Please, learn from our mistakes,
cherish and respect the Earth.
There is so much in nature
that strikes back at destruction.
Mankind aware, or unaware.
Viruses mutate. It's not a fantastical thought.
The Bird Flu, the Swine Flu, SARS and MERS,
and yes, death is what they brought.
Same virus, growing stronger year after year,
mutating over and over, now COVID-19 is here.
It's half life is more than three hours
when expelled in aerosol form,
not the larger droplets, which are here today, deadly,
but tomorrow may be gone.
Next year it may return airborne.
Please, listen to our sorrow,
if you want to call it that.
One after another the virus takes us,
yet we are grateful for your tomorrows.
We have had many years to prepare,
on our journey back to God.
Knowing your lives will be spared
is the only consolation this virus brought.
It's hard for hearts to heal after such massive loss,
and getting through the grief can be rough,
but we left without complaint because we love you,
let that be enough...
to heal your broken hearts.
DONALD TRUMP – RE: DUCKS --
this portion dashed off
(while dry ving an open white hearse slay
so many months back before
slated him slotted the most coveted
Casino biggest win - before the political imbroglio
much more upsetting than today
- - - - - - - - - -
Axe the old don
A trump peter n piper of incredulous hellish crud - be gone
With the ha air brushed pompous ****
so the Macy jackal hound doth run
After public outcry yelps
for his hide and proletarian discord won!
- - - - - - - - - -
Donald Duck Trump ™$ - a pompous ass
makes war with his big brass
knuckles and bucket of crass
maligns vis a vis character assassination with bro kin glass
inciting banal deathly hallowed expletives
toward lass sees – especially
Fox Television news anchorwoman Megyn Kelly
inducing said personality to bear the brunt of brutish mass
of vitriolic n vile insults from incriminating verbal pass
so…ex post facto viz mine NO VOTE from me
thus this digital screed to disallow him
to accept the oath of office, cuz he will hurrahs
from such a snooty arrogant simian with sass!
- - - - - - - - - -
I van a try to describe while sitting on me rump
How he oh bomb in lee rages with gnashing teeth
while back a slump
Blasting Democratic nomination as a sham –
From special interest bro and sis turn pump
He, the epitomy of crass bloviation, a malignant lump
Whose rants sans presidential outcome a sham rocking red bull
in a China shop with his millions beds this,
- - - - - - - - - -
That and another woman to bareback jump
Disseminating gene pool –
Obama null lee birthing more Quakers
and additionally doth hump
The mass media as some foolhardy charade
And caricature of a frazzled grump
This arboreal clothed ape
Erecting Taj Mahal phallic symbol where players dump
And gamble away hard earn cash
- - - - - - - - - -
For his hello kitty, as if that cachet to grind and bump
Lambasting with that maniacal leering pout
while hair rum runs rampant with red bulls
In a China shop atop his bulbous aerosol sprayed heady measly shaped
ulterior motive aimed his sights to become Pastor of Muppets
Dis eased cranial hologram
Of a cretaceous, facetious and insidious mump.
----------------------------------------------------------
By: Baron von Ivan Mal N. Ya.
What is wrong with you?
You're a bipedal pest problem
What in the world am I gonna do
to get rid of you ... shake you out of my life?
You're making me so sick,
hanging on to me like an Alabama tick
I wish I had some kind of human pest control,
an aerosol spray to eradicate you from my vexed soul
Something that would keep you from coming around,
trying to infest my quiet abode
Stop you from attempting to invade
the walls of my heart like rotting mold
Look here, buster!
We had a short, casual fling
But it unraveled real quick
when I started noticing some odd, troubling things
Quirky things
You always dressed sharp, but your car looked like junk
Also, a faulty memory ... frayed wiring
that short-circuited your promises
A bad, addictive habit of never keeping any of them;
blowing them off like smoke,
treating broken agreements like a dirty joke
And it seems you got a one track mind,
only think about money all the time
Ain't nothing wrong with wanting to get a bit prosperous,
but if that's all you're about ... then love won't be enough
The worst thing though is you're too clingy,
too overly possessive ---
a woman needs space, y'know, to breathe free
I ain't your living property: mister, you don't own me!
Man, I wish there was an anti-dating agency,
to keep those bad relationship pests away
Patrol the perimeter of my privacy nonstop:
rejecting unwanted suitors; thwarting pesky, wannabe intruders
My sweet dreams of an anti-dating agency,
I know are fanciful flights of fantasy
Being single and a little lonely sometimes
is an acceptable cost ...
Because you can't put a price on peace of mind
Porcupine Romance
Ouch ¡
Carefully does it
Practice French kissing a cactus first
Ouch !
The last tango in Paris was never like this
Get it
French
Paris
kissing a cactus ( Porcupine humour )
Ouch !
What a fool I was to buy her roses
As if I didn’t have enough to contend with
Ouch !
Do they sell aerosol cans of instant easy foam
In porcupine sex shops
Yeeouch !
Did she just do that on purpose
No wonder there aren’t that many of us
Why wasn’t I born a hedgehog
Its no wonder I am attracted to squirrels
When will they invent the missionary position
Gnnnnmmmmpp
No its ok honey it didn’t hurt
Yes I know my love that quill is really long
Crying no….me no… I just have something in my eye
What do you mean you’re attracted to gerbils
Try using a prophylactic
A flaming suit of armour would be more like it
Awww honey come on I didn’t mean it
Gives us a kiss
Ouch !
A lost monopoly game
Williams fright, bridge, faith
and urban blight, Williamsburg.
Soot gray and brick red
the buildings stand
slumped, shrouded
death in the abundance
of vacant buildings.
Waste strewn sea
of asphalt, concrete, and urban dreams.
Cracks housing cigarette butts
form paper chains at the bases
of forlorn locust trees.
Sickly trees, popping from between
wrought iron barricades spiked manmade thorns
an Appleseedian affectation of defiance
toward a city of cave dwellers.
Doors, blind, windowless..no eye out or in..
unwelcoming entries..present
surfaces flat, color-chip palettes
for the graffiti “artist” latest spray painted
monstrosity
“ahhhhhhhhhh urban art!”
Two story warehouse walls writhe
their surfaces adorned
with an effluence of madness? grafetti....
Throw backs with paint tubes?
Or Jackson Pollacks with aerosol cans?
Sunday mornings only human grace;
bagel bitters, their sideburn squiggles
the only reassuring reminder of the reverent.
Their continuing presence
these Hasids with prayer shawls dangling
these monochromatic breathes of fresh air
present as the only harbor of safety, sanity,
as a lost girl child returns to her native
Brooklyn.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE
Born before the hair dryer
And even before hearing aids
Frozen foods and television
Pop-up toasters and aerosol sprays
Jet engines, folding wheel chairs
Scotch tape to stick things down
No parking meters, electric blankets
These items were not around
But God in His infinite wisdom
Knew what the world would need
A great poet named Joyce Johnson
To write poems for folks to read
She acknowledges God in her poetry
Her poems have become her voice
Happy Birthday to you my dear
We truly love you Joyce
12 April 2018