It freezes
my breath back against my face
back against the wall;
stiff as cardboard
like frozen washing dragging on the line
my skin ignores my bones;
icy slush
slithers round the veins in my feet
and no warm blood dare enter;
my fingers
red and lumpy like raw sausages,
quick-frozen, cannot hold your hand;
the air
between us is frozen like a board –
sound hardly travels in such frost.
Grotesque
and unreal, I am a hoar-frost demon,
and you, apparently, are the Ice Queen.
Underground
must I hearken back hastily,
as you melt away into my past.
The sun
feebly lights our frosty passions,
and you melted away in the heat.
Night freezes,
and I spring up from dark below
but you are melted to a stump.
It freezes,
my breath back against my face,
back against the wall.
I hide behind the walls that I built
Made from failure and pride
And sorrow
And guilt
Just leave your name and number
On the back of my wall
And when I climb over
I’ll give ‘ya a call
See now’s not the time
I’m not in the right place
I’m not in my right mind
I can’t find the right face
And the baggage I carry
Won’t get off my back
And the troubles I married
Bring panic attacks
See when you’re losing it all
You shut it all out
You put up a wall
And then break it all down
It hurts when you fall
Life can get too intense
So I might tear down that wall
And maybe put up a fence
~Billy Hitz~
Sorry if I offend
With the words I bend
I wont pretend
To be bothered by your hate
Not my fate
Go ahead and walk right on by ....I won't cry.....
Though I cant denie
Thoughts in my head
Fill me with dread
People want to play
But never stay
Just walk away
Say they love you
Then leave you blue
.....Stand tall....
You done took the fall
Back against the wall
Sun so bright
Getting lost in its light
Dont really wish to fight
.....such a delight..
To see a true soul
Thinking that's my goal
Stuck in the rain
Masking the pain
What did i gain
....some restrain...
Untainted
Unpainted
Don't have to be a saint
I promise not to faint
Just be real
A heart that can feel
I'll take that deal
Facing life the best I can , standing tall
Got my back against the wall
But here I stand
Holding the dead man's hand
Dancing to the devils band
Six guns blazing
Bullets grazing
Maybe my last fight
And I'll probably die tonight
But untill then got you in my sight
Holding the dead man's hand
Dancing to the devils band
But I won't go down
May be my last trip to town
Riding the outlaw way
May end today
Boots on mind clear
Forgot what it is to Fear
Or hold someone dear
Lost to all I see
Dancing to the devils band
Saw I held the dead man's hand
As I lay dying
I thought I heard crying
Angels crying for those Holding the dead man's hand
Time stands still
My body pays the bill
Lost to tomorrow
Beyond the sorrow
Long as your Holding the dead man's hand
You'll be Dancing to the devils band
Questions
All of these questions
Said with a smile
a pat on the back
While lying besides
It's bright light
And stress
Stress
I'm fighting for my freedom
Back against the wall
Stuttering and forgetful
Though I give my all
Love shining through
Who
What
Why
When
Answer my questions
Love shining through
Going round in circles
Misplaced trust
It's
Starting to rust
Seeing through your eyes
I can never win
Under suspicion
Committed no sin
Red devils inside
Pulling the strings
Manipulation of innocence
Where do I begin
How can I prove
My love to you
No evidence to produce
It's hidden within
a figment of my imagination
trapped in a cage of my own making
forging a path
through the cobwebs of my mind
drowning in the clutter of neglect
impaled by the bitterness of the unknown
I will not give in
I will not budge
the cost may be high
but I will not - cannot
and yet, things are not as bad as they might seem
I will somehow get through this
AP: Honorable Mention 2022, Honorable Mention 2022
Posted on July 11, 2022
No one saw the hidden truth
That you were trying to soothe
A darkness in your mind
Leaving reality behind
Back against the wall
Numbing feelings to escape it all
Suffering trying to soften the pain
Never seeming to gain
But you saw a trial out of the ravine
Chosing bravely to become clean
Taking the rough paths through the valley
Despite fear of the murky alleys
You struggle and strife
To find out what you are in this life
Moving forward at exceptional rate
Making your rhythm accelerate
Now I see
The truth revealed to me
I see a voice where no one will sing
Inspiring sounds when you hit the string
Words exposing a unique mindset
Melodies no one will forget
I see hopes in the hearts of the vulnerable
Creations worthy to make discoverable
-Sudipta
Eff around
And find out.
Freedom don’t come easy.
The steel bar resort
Ain’t no place to be,.
But, eff if I know,
I ain’t ever been to jail.
Should have been,
But I got lucky.
Toothpaste on the walls,
To hold up the memories.
Watch how you talk,
Or it’ll be your back against the wall
And you’ll be just someone’s memory.
One hour outdoors,
Privilege ain’t easy,
It’s the first to go when you get thrown in iso.
Phone calls,
No go.
Letter are your only plug
To the outside world.
They’ll forget about you,
Might as well let go.
Nah, bro,
Family is forever,
Only friends come and go.
Just kidding,
When you’re a woman beater,
You’re left with no one
To showe for.
Rot. In. Hell. Bro.
It was dusty, dry and endless
Stretched beneath an empty sky
From horizon to horizon
Where the turkey buzzards fly,
Like a landscape meant to warn you
Just how far a man can fall.
Except for Ruby in El Paso,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
Took a powder in Fort Stockton.
Crossed the Pecos makin’ time.
San Antone gave way to Austin
On the Travis County line.
Shot a rattlesnake in Waco
With my back against the wall.
Except for Bobbi-Jo in Beaumont,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
I’ve seen Lubbock and Laredo,
Seen Odessa/Midland, too.
Met a sweet young thing in Brownsville,
Just another déjà vu.
Didn’t tell her I was leaving,
But I promised her I’d call.
Except for Emmylou in Houston,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
Learned to do the Stockdale two-step
In the local Lone Star style.
Danced a Galveston fandango
With a Corpus Christi smile.
Set a sucker up in Dallas,
But my partner dropped the ball.
Except for Jill in Amarillo,
Hell, it weren’t worth Texas at all.
M-orn twenty-sixth January
A-ims to warm your birthday;
E-arly Thursday comes, as the shadows fade away.
R-emain strong with back against the wall,
O-utsmarting the woes and foes;
S-tanding on left foot
I-s supported by your
T-oes.
8 years old, back against the wall, begging him to stop, his hands curled into balls. He rains blows against my head, the pain starts to fade away, another memory buried, just to keep me sane.
8 years old, hiding in my room, curled up in the closet, don’t know what to do.
There screaming at each other because of my mistake. Trying to drown out the noise and the blame within my brain, I hit my head against the wall to drown out all the pain. Another memory buried, yet seared within my brain.
8 years old and beaten by a cane, I didn’t get a A, and I should be ashamed. I tried to do my best, but it wasn’t good enough. The cane breaks across my lower back but the punishment is still not enough.
29 years old; yet I am 8 again. My mind is playing tricks on me, it’s all replaying in my head. I’m crying in my bedroom, begging him to stop, even though I know I’m safe my memories say I’m not.
written 10/2/2020.
His back against the wall
Utter desperation
Served up seven courses of verse
'Twas fear of starvation
I wish people could read tears because what I really feel hurts like hell
When you see me I’m always busy, I smile a lot to hide the hurt
I’ve never been in this place before with my back against the wall
Facing so many closed doors everything that you can possibly think of to go wrong
Really did, so now here I am facing life problems but I can’t break down and cry
I refuse to shed one tear; I’m a father of four boys
So how am I suppose to teach them how to be a man, and handle pressure when their issues appear
It’s easier for me to put on a phony smile and pretend like nothing’s wrong
But my inside are hurting so bad, and I know that I have to be strong
My boys are watching and my wife is to so I’ll play like everything’s normal just to get me threw
When I go to bed at night I sleep because I have to
I pray to God for miracles, and I wonder are my prayer really getting threw
I know he hear me so I don’t worry, and I try to stay patient
Then I realized it’s not my battle, but it’s the Lords so I’ll continue on waiting and practice Patiences
Riding in the limo that day
we questioned why it ended that way
He was the next rising star
in a box in the next car
Lost touch over the years
occasionally we'd grab a beer
Always claimed all was fine
just found out he spent his last dime
In the needle is where it went
every nickel every cent
Back against the wall with no way to escape
could a phone call changed the landscape
Put yourself in the backseat
imagine your loved one six feet deep
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow
learn from others sorrows
Walls That We Have Built
Somewhere there is a little sunshine
A ray of light
A spark
You’re not here
Sunken into it
Shaken
Defeated
My back against the wall
Eying the four corners of the room
The familiarity and safety of home
Finding my way
Holding unto yesterday
But letting go
Creating distance
Whispers and shadows
Patterns and signs
Of what is to come
While we wait our turn to go home
My forever bloom
Arose from the grave
Breathing energy
Awakening the emptiness
Of silence in my spirit
I’m not afraid
Of losing you to fate
We all have to wait
Thieves do not get rewarded
They get burnt at the stake
Tuck and pack my tears away
Heavy they are with greed
You’ve seen yellow and gray
You have lived
Lines and wrinkles
Fill your face
Dimond chandeliers
Building up and knocking down
Walls that we have built
Marckincia Jean
Free verse
01/10/20
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