Long Back against the wall Poems
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If we listen to the wind will we hear the call?
What of the years we spent “Back against the wall”
Years they come and they go “All is the same”
When you find yourself with a number for a name
First they load you on a bus in a paper suit
Making jokes with the homeboys “Bro you sure are cute”
Then comes the dreaded ride on the prison bus
Transport guards let you know “Don’t even mess with us”
You finally reach R&R really quite the treat
“I don’t care what you need I said take a seat”
As 5 minutes passes by you think of all the years
Getting set in your mind to face all your fears
You do the things that you must do in order to survive
Unless your one of the unlucky ones who doesn’t make it out alive
You don’t even realize that you are overwhelmed with hate
As the day finally comes and you make it out the gate
Then your back on the streets as healthy as can be
Hooking up the party life like when you were free
Just as though some real smart dude planned this to design
Because of the number on your back you are right back doing time
Then you catch a second term and this one is a strike
Nothing new ahead of you it’s just like riding a bike
Soon as you hit the yard you fall into your routine
Everyday like the one before one hell of a bad dream
Then again you are released but nothing is as it seems
Because your life has turned into one long desperate dream
You are driven by a desire to rise up to the top
For some reason that desire just won’t seem to stop
Even though your doing well against everything you feel
You go against your heart and soul to conjure up a deal
As the pitcher takes the mound you step to the plate
Problem is he’s throwing hard and you are swinging late
You want so bad to hit the ball as it whizzes by
You hang your head full of dread with no tears left to cry
Now you’re back in the cell with an L and 37 years
Maybe now you’ll have the time to face all those fears
The year’s forever come and go like dust in the wind
The only thing that I know “I sure do miss my friend”
I dedicate this poem to my dear friend
who is currently fighting the California
three strikes law for his life. If you
could please hold him in prayer thank you.
Jesse (REDMAN) Wasson
ECHOES OF FEAR
Dreams of greatness awakens you
waking up from the old wooden chair
seeing a future, brighter than light
present situations bring you to a reality
a reality that discourages your ability
present conditions that undermines your will
questioning your strength in despair
Thoughts of greatness in bondage of fear
fear that suppresses a lion to a deer
the greatest failure of courage and bravery
null frightment of virtual uncertainty
this fearsome reality,
that puts your back against the wall
that unbuckles your shoes against the race
that cuts your wings against the flight
that weighs you down against the leap of might
Discouraging voices in their ears
whispering sounds in the wind
rusty leaves on uneven paths
all sending messages of fear
repeatedly there's a voice in the wind
strange voices worthy of silence
to prevent the coming pestilence
and eliminate anger and voilence
fearful words like poisonous seeds
being implanted in their insecure minds
creating enmity with fruitful prosperity
Just when will they realise,
the impending danger of fear
that creates a mentality of obscurity
that causes the fall of a great man
that turns the back of a great warrior,
against the tragic warfront.
O, what a man of fear like Job
the imminent fear of the unknown
creeping in destructively like a silent serpent
destroying all it came in contact with,
destroying silently in a loud way.
what impact does fear have?
if nullified by well secured minds
secured in wisdom of the word of God and power
only if man can just see the impending danger of fear,
that acts as a trap to catch the soaring eagle
creating temptations and unwise decisions
wrong thoughts on right realities
bad impressions on wicked minds
awaken!! man of war....become fearless to the battle
fear kills the self esteem of the great man
which makes him see a mere mortal continually
creating impossibility in strong possibilities
eliminating courage and bravery
finally, as it should always be
when the mighty giant in man is awaken
by the word of God,
he sees his impossibilities possible.
his strengths regained all over again
like he never fell to the damned pit of fear.
The past is ash, you gotta rise like the phoenix, don’t like it call your mama and ask for a Kleenex. The time is long past due to stop thinkin’ and start doin’, start rootin’ for the man inside and stop all the internal booin’. You sound like everybody else with a story, braggin’ about past glory. What about today? Tomorrow will be today again, are you gonna be your worst enemy or be your best friend? Nobody believes you, you don’t even believe yourself, you need to take that bull*****and put in on the shelf. You can only judge and fix yourself, work on that person, no one else. You need to man up and fill your cup with the nectar that life has to offer. You want to win and be stronger, not lose and be softer. You want the fruit of your labor, to love yourself and your neighbor, to love the fan and the hater, to love what you got cuz you got it and you took it and made it cuz there was no tomorrow or later, only back then, back when, back in the day suffering every which way with your back against the wall that you made with your sorrow and your rage. Do what you do and stop being blue, you need a new blueprint printed out and co-signed by the future you, your future self, the architect and the tenant. You know what you got? A new start and a new shot. A chance to stop being a robot. A new lease on life with no lease payments and at the very least, no leash to stop you from running free in a new lot. Now it’s just you, yourself and the pie in the sky. Become the apple of your own eye, the catcher of your own rye, the ink in your own dye, the voice that will question your feelings inside and shine brightly upon all the lies in your mind. Create your future fate before time flies by and history says it’s too late, these words are your bond and your mind is a clean slate. Carve them out and breathe in each letter, fake it till you’re feeling better. Those who wronged you don’t exist, they are not your enemy, burn that list, of people you think owe you something...no one does, except one person, the hardest to find, and while you’ve been dying and losing your mind, and stressing and flexing on struggle and strife, he was right there in the mirror the whole damn time.
I walk a lonely road as a ghetto pitbull/
With pride and honor, I'll always have a fistfull/
I don't take no bull from anyone or any spirit/
I never had no one to feed me, I eat off the land/
Back against the wall, paws on the concrete/
Living life fast with my mask, trick or treat/
My life isn't sweet, it's really dead meat/
Trying to make ends meet with my books and music/
My friends come and go, they come as they please/
It seems they only come when it's time to eat/
And always off my plate, and as a platoon/
So I feed everyone, with a long handle spoon/
They call me a goon but I really howl at the moon/
I'm a ghetto pitbull coming to your hood soon/
So before you try to judge me from what I do/
Take a look at my past and see what I been through/
I'm a ghetto pitbull so just give a dog a bone/
Where I lay my hat is my home, I'm a rolling stone/
I seem to always roam in the worst gutters/
And all my dogs are the baddest of the bad/
They never believed me and probably never will/
Even with the skills that I posses, I outshine them all/
With these skills, they still don't believe me/
Any microphone, any instrument, any rhyme, any riddle/
Any opponent, I outshine them all like Johnny Fiddle/
Betting against me is the wrong predictions/
It should be a crime and I'm handing down convictions/
I'm the metal God, pitbull of the Gods, go ahead, crucify me/
I'm a sacrificial lamb, I was sent here on a mission/
Sometimes my life gets hectic but I love it that way/
Because the thrill keeps me going, see I'm different, ok/
I was raised in a place that nobody came to visit me/
I've seen all walks of life, I've seen the craziest of the crazy/
In the ghetto as a ghetto pitbull, get my gist/
Now they see me coming back, I know they're shaken/
Smile now cry later has always been my motto/
Sleeping on the pitbull is a hard pill to swallow/
Biting into the dead,
he tastes the aftertaste of burnt ashes!
The meal of her emotions,
buried alive within silken strands.
Blood inside sorrow burning,
sweet desire weeping...
Yet, it cannot possibly extinguish his pain.
Bleeding heartbreaks do not expire.
His eternal torment is fortified.
Into two pieces he is equally divided.
One who feels he has his back against the wall!
The other who has not a care.
Free falling teardrops,
salted within life's passionate carnage.
Nails in his mouth for he is iron born,
attaching beauties have felt his plunging sword.
His sanctuary is a dream catcher.
He's stuck inside it's Web,
hanging there above forever,
until she takes his last breath away.
Always now, in this moment was he formed.
Long before time, he was destined to be hers
Until they meet again his heart pauses.
He will not know eternal glory,
until her love courses through his veins!
As he has promised, he will succumb to her
The angels then will sing
Rejoicing bells will ring out grateful notes
Both will finally atone for their sins!
A collaboration with Liam Mcdaid. Thanks for accepting my invitation.
When Liam first sent over his verses I had no idea where we would end up.
I thought you might find the process of interest. Here are the words Liam started us off with.
Biting into the dead remains of ashes burnt
buried alive blood inside sorrow burning
sweet desire weeps bleeding heartbreaks
in two divided one who has had the back against a wall
Freefalling teardrops within life's passion
nails in the mouth attacking beauties sanctuary
a dream catcher stuck inside a Web
hanging there forever
until you take my last breath away
always yours until we meet again
eternal glory as angels will sing
rejoicing bells ring grateful
I hope you enjoy the inside look.
i stand here my back against the wall, nearly defeated, sedated physically, mentally well and alive. Death threatening to cease the beating of my heart, my blood runs cold, i pray, lord please allow me to die. These trials and twisted tribulations you predict have hardened my soul, my body has been bruised, battered and torn. I feel as if i too have carried a wooden cross, been persecuted by my peers and now i too wear a crown of thorns. My life is held
Within your hands, my death within Lucifer’s, a war i alone will stand and fight, though sadly will not win. I am conscious of the consequences i must serve, it is surviving eternity i cannot contemplate, or fathom the sins you must forgive. Sinfully i have walked your righteous path, morally i hold contempt prisoner within my heart, my faith diseased, walls constructed and built. You alone share my darkest regrets, my unshared secrets, you
Recognize that in my mind i have raped, cheated, plundered and repeatedly killed. To serve you i must repent, completely turn from my ways, fall to my knees, pray, trust only in you, born again, and then saved. To walk hand and hand with you, sadistically i must suffer, shed blood, be horribly mocked, betrayed and ironically enter heaven’s gate through a six foot grave. My back is against the wall, a decision must be made, live for you or as you promised spend eternity in the lakes of fire burning, screaming, forever in pain. Demented though isn’t it, it seems like a reflection of my life, the only difference lord, these flames can be extinguished if only you would allow it to rain. I stand here naked, vulnerable, offering you a glimpse, a very open and deadly game of truth or dare. The simple truth, i cannot believe my head is bowed right this moment, the dare if you choose to accept, lord, please make this my last prayer.
Form:
I always liked the way she played with her hair....
across from the vast expanse of the bed,
legs up, with her back against the wall,
I saw what she felt....
and she could hold me with her deep angel-eyes ----
oogle me to stare long, or leap upon her wondrous teases;
It was a time to play in some boy-girl laughing land,
some 'gentile' course devoid of the harsh of the world,
she too lovely for such petty,
too splendid with one wave, with one annointed gaze
my darker footsteps fade....
no pain to clutch in her most welcome arms ----
the world could wait....
ten thousand years,
I've longed such love more infinite with me (now soft),
she of fine recipes and finer whims to tickle the itch
in my soul,
the immediate meld of our hands,
shall need no other assurance
" I am here, always, " she breathed upon the cold steps,
winding through life crooked with doubt
.....how monolith her mist sifts sweet upon frozen winds,
and warms my sullied heart ----
that fades.....fades fast while she's amiss!
how empty this old urn without her ----
dead my able bones,
and the heart which my melancholy makes,
helpless, sick with deeper wans,
greater-goods shall not prevail this lame steed for long
Though I best remember her and smile,
and call the good of it my memory has found,
eased with her sweet-lovely ----
but too sweet for one mighty man,
and her wings swift with silken downs,
o'er the flowered hills;
she goes, this bird of gypsy will,
her flight crimson til dusk;
this dove she flew but once,
and her affections have been awhile....
the tear is long and its drip dire,
though I shall try to remember her
(and smile)
***Based on a movie I saw,(though some
of it comes from pleasant recollections(lol!)
very sad, but she returns in the end!***
Written in 2014
Doing Time is not easy but it's something that I gotta do/
Survival of the fittest so this how I gotta move/
I'm not the strongest so I got a lot to lose/
Pound for pound round for round I got a lot to prove/
Every night I go to sleep paranoid and schizophrenic/
In my prison cell feeling like they're trying to get me/
So I sleep with one eye open and a shiv in my mattress/
Can't let them catch me off guard tweaking like an addict/
I can't enjoy my yard with other people playing ball/
I gotta watch my back so my back against the wall/
My hand on my shiv alert 24/7/
Can't even trust my own kind or anyone for that matter/
Everybody gangbanging trying to earn a few strips/
I refuse to be a victim so I'm playing with my knife/
Survive by any means is the only thing on my mind/
Fighting through these dark days waiting on the Sunshine/
Doing what I gotta do just to get by/
But I won't be a punk so it's respect me or die/
I got years to go but you know how that go/
If somebody cross the line they have to add more/
I know the game and how it go, when they think you a punk/
Try to bait you in with funny talk to make you a punk/
Or call you out to fight just to see if you'll do it/
If they do, you better fight for your life or get ruined/
I don't care if you're 4' 2" and they're six eight/
You better grab a weapon be ready to bang/
Let the whole unit know you stand as a man/
You gotta build your reputation of not caring/
So the next dude thinking he tough will give up/
Your best bet, is to mind your own business/
Because if you do anything they'll find a witness/
The game is not the same cuz they'll add fifty years/
They're playing dirty games and they'll lie to get it/
Don't try to kick it, just do your time/
But if it's going down, make them respect your mind/
Had a pretty good day today
I smiled, but got led astray
I don’t know why I try anymore
Maybe, trying is helping all the more
Sad and I see no reason why
Mad and I need glee, no lie
Glad It’s only temporary, oh baby,
I will be with you oh so willingly…
Jubilantly…
So in touch with you
I can feel me and you breathless
Tell me who knew…
This would happen – our happiness
Our blissfulness
Can’t you see
I am sad for no reason? (blissfully unaware)
Can’t you be
Considerate season to season? (don’t you care?)
Can’t I possibly
Be happy like I used to long ago?
Can’t I be free
Or will I have to lose myself to show
That I care for you?
I will always be there
Just see me through
Your scars, I will bear
Your bars are set too high
I cannot fly in this heatwave tonight
I will be your stars in the sky
If you'd let me be free in mere flight
Had a pretty good day today
I prayed it would remain that way
Until I started feeling sad, but I will be okay
I’m done for…done for being so torn
I’m done, feeling disoriented and sore
I’m done, feeling saddened and forlorn
For no reason…no reason…no reason…
Yet, you expect me to be happy some more…
You hit me in a spot where it was almost the deepest core......
Adoring you, yet you wanted more, I swore, I shouldn’t, but I swore
You'd unchain me from being insane, you refrained the reign of downpour
The downpour of the raindrops from bitter clouds, clouds
The shower of rain soar with wingless, reminiscent shrouds
You cower away from the light I shed and embrace, away from the chaotic crowds
Had a pretty good day today and all, back against the wall
Until I felt the tears inside start to fall, couldn’t stand tall...
For a good reason –
Your summer turned to winter season
"The Illusion"
Laying here so sad and so lost,
Feel like I'm in a battle against myself and theres always a cost.
Delusions fill my head sometimes I'm better not here,
Endless nights of crying all these lonely tears.
Looking for a way out of this hole,
It keeps getting darker like I'm losing my-self being,my soul.
Running thoughts keep going through my head,
Wondering if I'd be better off dead.
No-one cares,they all have selfish acts,
Everyone is out for themselves,my ropes too short give me some slack.
Finally I came to this last conclusion,
Nothings what it seems it's just one "big illusion".
Giving your all just to get knocked on the ground,
Looking for your friends support,but they are never around.
Screaming for salvation,but no-one hears my voiceless cries,
Darkness shadows my heart and the love continues to die.
Don't like being with my back against the wall,
Feel like I'm just a failure,people waiting for me to fail and fall.
Reading between the lines,I see I'm on my own,
Don't know up from down,
My worlds full of pain,tears,and frowns.
Can I find an escape to this craziness in my head,
Or am I stuck in limbo battling the sick and demented me,
Cause you broke me down you left me blind, I'm lost I cannot see.
Fighting for my dignity and trying to find the strength,
I'm willing to do it all, I'll go that extra length.
Strength and Courage is prevailing I'm starting to see the light,
I'm gonna give it my all and never end this fight.
Life is full of the unknowns,we never know whats down the road,
But we never give up,for everyone has a different story to be told.
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