three well-fed bachelors in the home had women fighting over them
I am kind of sweet on Clementine, said the eldest elderly, Jim.
She’s got a crush on Hank, replied the trouble maker Leland Joe.
Clementine came over to them and gave Leland a cookie on the go.
Seems to me she likes you too, Jim said, staring at Leland now.
Maybe because I keep on hand her favorite milk, from my milking cow.
You still have a farm? This surprised the other bachelors quite a bit.
Hank kept his thoughts to himself, but he did not like thinking of it.
Hank did not have to worry long, for Gladys came by next.
She handed him an apple coffee cake that had tasty icing specs
Come join me for some breakfast she offered, and all three men complied.
They had been wooed and pursued by women since being locked up inside
why is the coffee pot making Kool-Aid again?
I stared at my husband. Was he bonkers or what?
He is older by seven months, has Alzheimer’s kicked in?
I have not had coffee for a week, so I have no answers.
I do know, that when I was drinking coffee, the pot was fine.
the pot sat empty on the counter, giving me a forlorn look.
Kool-Aid huh? I love purple and red Kool-Aid.
I decide to give the pot another spin.
All I get is coffee.
Now I am disappointed.
Her children thought something about their father was off
They did not know what it was
Having never thought of dementia or Alzheimer’s before
They attempted to tell Mom their concerns
She refused to see anything weird in her husband
He’s a bit slower, that is all.
She had jammed herself in the middle of a bread pan of denial
Finally, she had to admit there might be something.
After he sat on a riding lawn mower for three hours
But did not start it
Because he had forgotten how
PS The key was in the lawnmower
His equilibrium was off
Unbalanced, unsteady gait
Forgetting words for truck and grass
His wife refused to see it
Ignoring his Alzheimer’s for four years
Until her life was endangered by his erratic actions
this and that and thus and such
hearing, seeing, smell, taste, touch
which will old age steal? not much
just this and that and thus and such
will I know beloved ones...
lifelong sweetheart? daughter? sons?
thanking those with whom I've dined
not sure why they've been so kind
in this home but not sure why
who will hold me when I die?
i'm imprisoned by my fear
who will let me out of here?
i have seen it far too much
once sharp minds now losing touch
no more plumb line left to clutch
just this and that and thus and such
The diagnosis came
As a bit of a shock
I am starting on Alzheimer’
Slowly tickling clock.
Will I be watching in horror
From a near zombie state
As my body develops
Into a thing I would hate.
Unable to speak or
Express any thought,
Fly in spider’s in a web
Pulled relentlessly taut.
Will it be a prison.
Will there still be a me.
Will I be mind trapped
Struggling to get free.
Or will the real me
The spirit and soul
Have been wiped out
As I lost all control
So in one way
Avoiding the mental hell
As my body became
Just a physical shell
Feeding and moving
But the real me is gone
Just a querulous nuisance
As this condition grinds on.
Will there be a kindness not,
Being aware, in not knowing,
As the me is erased
By this disease’s growing.
Is this my future as
I try not to despair
Reduced to a hulk relying on
Loved ones providing my care.
So, pity them not me
As the process grinds on
For by that stage that me
May already be gone.
My oldest and dearest friend is now almost totally mentally consumed by this
awful beast. I am trying to understand what he is going through.
Confusion, anger, helplessness.
Where is it?
What did I do with it?
Did someone take it?
Denial
That doctor is crazy.
There's nothing wrong with me.
Everyone forgets things now and then.
They're trying to get rid of me.
Conspiring against me.
They want what I have acquired.
No one cares what happens to me.
My only friend is the dog.
The only one who still loves me.
He is at their mercy too.
A Long Goodbye
A vast familiar landscape
flutters and faulters;invites and departs
Fog slowly rolls in, shrouding present and past,in a harsh, lonely tomb
6/11/22
Alzheimers
Some say Alzheimers took you,
But I simply don't agree,
Yes you didn't recognise my face,
But your heart remembered me.
I never saw you as a partly missing,
Or as a flicker of your former self,
I saw you as my Grandma,
And simply nothing else.
Your heart was filled with love,
No negativity at all,
Your alzheimers gave you powers,
It froze time and I stayed small.
Although I've gone past 20,
You remembered the younger me,
The times when I wore my school uniform,
And came round yours for tea.
Grandma you were beautiful,
And one day we shall meet again,
But for now, sweet dreams, I love you,
Please wait for me till then.
You have left me without leaving,
Your presence here beyond deceiving.
We share a space where you are not,
You’ve gone on to I know not what.
Desertion was not your plan at all,
But your mind, by a siren call,
Loosed our forever knot,
And left me looking where you’re not
For the love and life we shared,
Shattered now with no hope spared.
She has never seen such a wildness
She laughs so loudly that people are looking
She had never laughed this loudly before
Her relatives began shushing her
But she is eighty-six years young
And this silliness tickled her funny bone
She cannot stop laughing at the craziness
Her husband is dead, so he can no longer silence her
She settles down after awhile but the feeling is still there
The joyful, happy feeling she has not had for a long time
She is not a hundred percent understanding the feeling
Words do not come as easily now with the Alzheimers
She stares into the abyss of the moment
Not speaking at all but there is a tinge of hope now
A tiny sliver of optimism that maybe she is not in a coma
Her relatives begin to kiss her
They are making their way out of her life
As she has made her way out of theirs
Not on purpose but due to aging
And a disease that is holding her hostage right now
She stares into the mist watching the angels dance
They are doing acrobatics.
One sticks out his tongue.
She begins to laugh, more loudly and exuberantly.
I'm going to share a truth...that will shock you my friends.
It's about when my Grandma...when she reached her bitter end.
She died in a hospital...she had Alzheimer's disease.
But that's not what killed her...you'll find this hard to believe.
When I got to her side...she was hungry and scared.
She weighed 60 lbs...there was no food anywhere.
The hospital staff...was feeding everyone on the floor.
But they wouldn't feed grandma...they skipped right past her door.
I then told the nurse...there must be an error.
She sent the doctor in...he said my uncle John had ordered this care.
They stopped giving her water...her food to was now gone.
There was no chance of her getting better...so she would just gently pass on.
She was starving and thirsty...that's exactly how she died.
Hunger pains and that thirst...her basic needs were denied.
I hope he's forgiven...for this sin from her kid.
I wonder if he regrets it...this evil thing that he did.
*this happened 30 years ago I hope they have changed the law so hospitals can no longer do this to people*
A message did come at the end of the day
My mother’s mom was sick so I couldn’t stay
My world full of joy and peace no fear
Was now torn down with this first of many new tears
This first stone was cast my heart it did crack
I now felt a new weight up there on my back
My travel was quick I had to be there
My poor mommy was hurting beyond compare
Grandma knew not us she just looked and stared
She was only 60 lbs just lying there
This disease had it’s hold this would be her last final day
Why must people we love have to die this way
Alzheimer’s was given and then it did take
As I watched this poor woman my heart it did break
She soon lost her life not knowing my name
But I know in my heart she was glad that I came
*comments are welcome and appreciated*
In spite of all his hopes and wishes and the many hours he would pray
he watched as the gleam in his father’s eyes as well as his memories faded away.
And even after his light went out and he no longer knew his name
when he was but a stranger to him…he’d visit…just the same
And he would tell him stories picked from his memory
of how he used to read him books as he sat upon his knee.
Of the times they’d play catch in their front yard
how he taught him how to swim
of all the times they were together
just his dad…and him
He’d remind him how he loved to play games
how it didn’t matter if he’d lose…or win..
he’d mention all the things they’d seen
and all the places they had been.
He would sit for hours…his stories flowing out with ease
and he felt blessed to be sharing…a lifetime of memories.
When asked why he sits for hours with a person who no longer knows his name
He simply smiles politely for his answer is always the same
“I’m reminding him of all the fun we’ve had
all the places we have roamed…
and since all these memories began with him
I’m making sure they find their way back home.”
She was such a woman of intellect,
With just her brain, she could take anyone down.
With a razor sharp wit, that cut deep,
A stubbornness the like of I’d never seen,
Indeed, nor have I ever bore witness to since.
Never in need of assistance,
She was everyones rock to cling on to,
In times of distress and sorrow,
Least of all mine.
Then one day………Alzheimers
Such a cruel blow to a lady of such standing.
Slowly, intellect and memories, stripped away,
Until, nothing left but an empty shell,
Just a shadow of whom she once was.
There was nothing to cling on to,
Our rock was slowly being dismantled.
Everyday a little more was chipped away.
Distressing and heartbreaking to watch,
For many, death in the end, was a blessing
For me, death had already claimed her soul,
Many years before.
It will be to my eternal shame,
I never visited her,
Not in those final months.
For, the woman I had known and loved
Had already long since departed.
The woman I sat before,
I no longer recognized,
Alas, nor she me.
©Gary Wayne Hill, 2019
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