I wish I could write down
the words stuck in my throat,
the thoughts in which my mind may drown,
the feelings stashed away like a winter coat
They say, on paper, we bleed-
Though I fear I'm a fraud
for with my own hands, I've sewn
my mouth shut, my eyes plead
And with a mouth-held knife,
I've sawed my own hands, heart flawed
Lies I've disguised as delusions
I'm not who they think,
who they say I am, illusions
Who am I, when i claim to be a star
that glows pink, intrusions
I'm not who i say,
who i think i am, delusions
All Hallows Eve
A night to receive
The fears you perceive
Whilst you try to deceive
Make them believe
You're not scared
Miss Mary Mack, All Dressed in Black:
I have some complaints,
For who created the world.
I want to take it up with the saints,
Cause I want to be a girl.
But sadly I must say,
I think the saints are dead.
I get no reply,
Just voices in my head.
Every one is screaming,
You're a boy.
It sends me reeling,
When they say play sports instead.
The voices sound like water.
They fill my lungs with lies.
Just another hand upon my throat,
Wearing a disguise.
And yet a smaller voice,
Beneath the flood and fuss,
Says I know your name. I know your pain.
And you are one of us.
~Zyra~
you’re very talkative today
said my therapist (i was in therapy) (i go to therapy every two weeks)
you’re (i) very talkative (am not letting her get a word in) today (the day i have therapy) (once every two weeks)
sorry (real apology) i say (i feel bad)
it’s okay (it isn’t) (it probably is) let’s take it one thing at a time (slowly)
now (once every two weeks) i (my therapist) don’t want you to take this the wrong way (be offended) but (here it comes) i’m (my therapist) amazed at how much nothing (nothing at all) happened (nothing at all)
here i am (in therapy) (i go to therapy every two weeks) on the couch (white) with some tea (chamomile) on the table (wood)
here i am (in therapy) (i go to therapy every two weeks) on the couch (white) with some tea (chamomile) letting nothing (nothing at all) happen again (a pattern)
here i am (couch) therapy (once a wood) nothing pattern (happen letting) chamomile
pink
girly
feminine
ribbons and lace
frills
blue
girly
she hates pink
wont wear a dress
choice
Those lucky by the place of birth
Condemn those who were not
Born lucky too, so in reverse
They hate those lucky ones a lot
Ain’t this a perfect harmony
In the best of all possible worlds
They’re gonna kill me, to feel free
If I don’t kill them first
Hey you philosophers in your
Big libraries behind the chair
Enlightening how to tax me more
Express your little care
Your ramblings are advocacy
Of those who sign your pay
You’re playing aristocracy
Directing what to think and say
But when the demos gets too loud
You’re giving interviews
Showing outrage against the crowd
That tends to change its views
But you don’t like to be involved
The best of worlds must find
Some nannies, to protect the old
From their own worried minds.
So many memories of you
Flood our minds
From NASCAR to dirt track to model cars
You were a collector of many things
But true love was your greatest treasure
You held it close you held her dear
Your children knew what a great man you were
Tommy you were a special unique soul
A bit of a perv but you knew how to have fun
The memories we share of you will carry us through this difficult time
You journey now begins in the arms of your beloved
Some day we will see you there in heaven
With that unforgettable smile and with out any pain
Catch up on those lost years
And we will see you again down that eternal road of true love that you paved with all your heart
For Thomas Matteson Jr
Gone but never forgotten.
If it's true -
Is it true that
Even the greatest sinner of them all
The devil ?
Can anyone, no matter how -
Can someone like me?
If they can yet become
Like that
If that's so -
Then is it true
Possibly truly know
Is it feasible.
Well if anyone wants to know if you can help me out ~with~ the flow
Then yes I want to go.
Even if it hurts to see.
I can With honey words and flower kisses
And the dew of sweet half-truths
of old quaint love-tales foredone.
in the twilight I sit in whispers
as far-heard bells.
have I known that gay youth that is gone
As the shadow of wind.
Nay, I am ever swept upward
To the centre of all truth
So must I Rapt into this flame
"Follow! Follow!"
And in the power be reborn.
together this power must we,
Cry eternally:
"I come, And again,
"Follow,"
we may not tarry.
(Blackout of The Summons by Ezra Pound)
It took time for me to realize
I fed the wrong ego and paid the cost,
there's was no reward but a price;
I should be very happy and make a toast!
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
I've stopped waiting on you, charmer
the wonderful things you whispered were false,
not even one word matched your promise;
it was another wish on a wandering star!
I've reached the limit of my patience,
how can you hide your pretence?
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
Don't try to stretch the rubber band,
it will hit you hard in the face,
it'll hurt more than David's sling did;
it's time you stopped this mad race!
It's the usual dilemma I'm caught into,
it's the enigma more harmful than a taboo!
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
It took time for me to realize
I fed the wrong ego and paid the cost,
there's was no reward but a price;
I should be very happy and make a toast!
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
I've stopped waiting on you, charmer
the wonderful things you whispered were false,
not even one word matched your promise;
it was another wish on a wandering star!
I've reached the limit of my patience,
how can you hide your pretence?
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
Don't try to stretch the rubber band,
it will hit you hard in the face,
it'll hurt more than David's sling did;
it's time you stopped this mad race!
It's the usual dilemma I'm caught into,
it's the enigma more harmful than a taboo!
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
It took time for me to realize
I fed the wrong ego and paid the cost,
there's was no reward but a price;
I should be very happy and make a toast!
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
I've stopped waiting on you, charmer
the wonderful things you whispered were false,
not even one word matched your promise;
it was another wish on a wandering star!
I've reached the limit of my patience,
how can you hide your pretence?
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
Don't try to stretch the rubber band,
it will hit you hard in the face,
it'll hurt more than David's sling did;
it's time you stopped this mad race!
It's the usual dilemma I'm caught into,
it's the enigma more harmful than a taboo!
If all worthless things
suddenly come to an end,
there's little to understand;
let them be memories!
What we are is who we are
be true to one self or become false to all others.
You cannot run from yourself
you are always there in the end.
Hate yourself and it is shared
Love yourself and you are scorn
Modern world relationships
like the bar scene in original Star Wars
people beyond depraved
strange illness of who of what Why?
Evil is celebrated dominating culture
leads to boredom and sickness
Excess for meaning, materialism hungers
delusional depraved delirious
empty souls hollow beliefs
A world without God
is a world without reason
How good is it always to feel good
constant pleasure becomes numb
ups and downs, some good some bad
Balance is a life that lives
Prosperity preaching leads to a poor Church
Generations before us
Generations after
Billions upon billions of souls
not one exactly the same as an other
Oneness of God, me, you, us
a step forward, a step back and you are where you are at
Answers lead to questions becomes doubt
Maybe we think too much
Maybe we worry too much
Maybe it has ended and we are beginning again.
Oneness of All...
For me, no Elephant is too big,
i hope' in any Room? though it be
Ever so small. To name by name
I hope i'm game? always to make
That call.'
Consider well how great God is
remind yourself of His wondrous grace
how often He comes to your rescue
delivering you, proving God's on your case
Remember your sins from knee-high
all of them till now and till death
Jesus took them on at Calvary
to accomplish our salvation in His last breath
Jesus has paid for them all
shedding His blood for our redemption
never forget His great mercy to atone
loving us so much by His selection
No matter our ups and downs
our Lord remains faithful forever
in all circumstances He does not change
proving His love will always deliver
Be thankful in all circumstances
every day give Him all your praise
for He loves to hear your own voice
sing thankfully for all your days
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