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Home » Poems » Blogs » Too Subtle?
Roy Jerden
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Too Subtle?

Blog Posted by Roy Jerden: 8/15/2014 1:39:00 PM

Of all the comments I received on this poem, only one, from Andrea Dietrich, 
understood that it was about a serial killer.

I did leave only one major clue, in the final stanza, but I think it should have been sufficient.
Perhaps I was too subtle. What do you think?

The New One

My new love waits upon the hill
I'll go tonight to visit her
And lie beside her for awhile
And speak to her of sundry things

I'll gaze upon her comely form
And pretty poems recite to her
I'll stroke her slender pallid hands  
And whisper many tender words

Her girly scent is fresh and clean
Not rotting like the other ones
To visit her I'll go tonight 
Upon the hill my new love waits

August 10, 2014

For Charlotte Puddifoot's Dark Poetry Contest

I have given one more clue now by changing the word "pallid" to "bloodless". Is that enough for the clueless set?



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Jerden Avatar
Roy
Jerden
Date: 8/16/2014 7:24:00 PM
Good. Thanks for the feedback. I have changed it back to 'pallid' to hold on to the mystery until the end, as I wanted.
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Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 8/16/2014 9:46:00 PM
GOOD.
K. Avatar
Kabuteng P.Ink
K.
Date: 8/16/2014 10:45:00 AM
Hi Roy, I think that you were able to imply that this was about a serial killer, and still have that air of mystery... I suppose that sometimes, certain words just tend to pop out for some readers, and then that's where they might tend to misinterpret one's poetry. Sometimes, one can really see through people's comments who actually read the poem. I have also had some cases where people were saying one thing but my poem was saying the opposite.
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Tams The Golden Girl Avatar
Mandy
Tams The Golden Girl
Date: 8/16/2014 8:31:00 AM
Hi Roy , in all honesty I stopped putting my own interpretation on writers poems because I have had many of mind misinterpreted, but i do enjoy seeing what people get out of them even though the thoughts are so diverse sometimes. I don't think you can be too subtle, i'ts nice to hold back sometimes and see what people think. xx
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Puddifoot Avatar
Charlotte
Puddifoot
Date: 8/16/2014 6:17:00 AM
I realized as soon as I read the final stanza that it was about a serial killer, so no, it's not too subtle, and I actually prefer 'pallid' to 'bloodless'...I received quite a few entries about killers, but I think the only one I put through was nikko's (although from what she's said it seems it was more about child pornography/trafficking than murder as I had thought) my emphasis for the contest was on unusual interpretation of 'dark', unusual use of language and vivid imagery...it comes down to the personal tastes of each individual judge, I guess
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K. Avatar
Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/16/2014 10:28:00 AM
Eep, Charlotte, I hope I did not disappoint with my explanation? I forgot to mention child prostitution. There was a killer there though, figuratively & literally. A killer of innocence & childhood in the woman and the 'beast' and in my mind, even if that knife could also imply suicide, that woman was murdered because of what she had revealed/confessed.
Dietrich Avatar
Andrea
Dietrich
Date: 8/15/2014 11:26:00 PM
I really really liked your poem and when I saw some of your comments you were getting I was flabbergasted. But it's happened to me too, people not "getting" it. Sometimes, Roy, they are not reading at all. Sorry, but it's the shameful truth. Charlotte has excellent taste in poetry, and this is nothing against her (we all have our individual tastes) I happen to be a big fan of serial killer movies. So if I had sponsored a dark contest, it would have been in my top wins!
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Guzzi Avatar
Debbie
Guzzi
Date: 8/15/2014 10:46:00 PM
LOL send your comment as a poem for my contest you bug smarty pants!!!
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Guzzi Avatar
Debbie
Guzzi
Date: 8/15/2014 8:23:00 PM
probably, pallid is not a word in great use anymore ... oh well aye?
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Jerden Avatar
Roy Jerden
Date: 8/15/2014 8:33:00 PM
Maybe "comely" is too abstruse, too. For that matter, "abstruse" may be too sesquipedalian, too.
Jerden Avatar
Roy Jerden
Date: 8/15/2014 8:30:00 PM
You may be right. Could be a vocabulary issue. Now I'm worried about "sundry".
Jerden Avatar
Roy
Jerden
Date: 8/15/2014 7:34:00 PM
The other thing that comes to mind is the common mistake of identifying the poem and the poet - w/o considering the simple literary construct of the POV (point of view). You write a sad poem, therefore you must be sad...
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Nance Avatar
Casarah
Nance
Date: 8/15/2014 4:48:00 PM
I think the "not rotting like the other ones" shows that there was something disturbing going on. Are you going to disclose the location of the bodies next? :) I haven't read the winners list for this contest yet, but yours was pretty dark, mine was about a killer too but I did not get placed. Sometimes miss reading a word or two changes the whole outcome
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