Two months ago, I lost one of my sons. Out of four, he was the second youngest. 36 years old. I still have no words, yet here I sit typing. Numb. Yet I need to tell about this boy. I have tell these few things. If there ever was a man with the heart of a son, John was that guy. I sure suk as a dad, and been at times a horrible example but John always has doted over me, and tried to help. When my mind would wander, he would always gently try to guide me back to reality. Both of us are somewhat sociopathic. He understood. The best way I can describe our relationship was kinda like Dexter and his father in the series "Dexter"
When I got seriously sick a few years ago he was right there. Took off his job came and stayed to help do work on the place and work on our car(s). Lol.
I remember one time when he was a kid and I made him help me change the clutch and transmission out of one of my old pickups. That sparked a love in him for all things mechanical. Even tho all he got was yelled at that day. One time when his mom and I hit a rough patch financially about ten years ago, he drove to Brownwood and slipped $900 in my hand. I wouldn't take it and he told me dad I watch y'all give everything away and we've been putting this back for you n mom. And at the time he and Nicole were struggling to get by themselves. If my pickup broke down, he brought me his and said here I don't like the old thing anyway, it's an old man looking truck so it fits you better. Lol.
I watched him get shunned at times when he was a kid by other kids, but he always just kept on smiling and joking.
I was so mad at him when he quit college.
I was so proud of him when he joined the military.
So happy that he found Nicole. He loved his wife with his whole being.
John was logical, not very emotional. He loved to argue. Lol. And he would argue with anyone and everyone but me. Ha. But we had a lot of "logical" discussions. He honored me and would not argue even when I was wrong about something. Plus he knew I'd resort to punching. Lol
John had a deep love for the Lord. And a deep love for people less fortunate and/or hurting people. He was a cps investigator and loved his job. Had a very unique perspective having been in and out of foster care system in his life, and having a father like me.
John would give you everything he had if you asked, or even if you didn't. Loving Jesus was just a way of life for John and Nicole. He was faithful. He had been telling me we needed to move closer because I'm getting "old" and the other kids can't handle me and he knew he'd have to be the one taking care of me. I never dreamed in a million years I'd out live him.
I loved that boy and let him down so many times in his life. And the other day I was helpless to save him when he needed me most. He died right in front of me.
I thought I had experienced a full gambit of pain and loss. All my siblings are gone, and of course my parents too. Almost every close friend I've ever had is gone. Murder, suicide, overdoses, are common to my bunch, sadly.
I've preached more funerals than I can ever remember.
I sure love this boy. Goofy grin and the way he'd say poppa. I thank God for Donna. She loved that boy like a momma bear. Showed him what true unconditional love and Christianity is all about. When he had no one else in his corner he always had Donna. That's all I can say right now. My eyes are leaking. Thank you for reading. If you have kids, call em and tell em you love em. Don't waste a minute.