I shall title today's story "The Circle Of Life"
It is a true story. Mostly.
So today I'm walking out to my garden with my little basket and scissors. I almost step on a snake. I freak out and throw the scissors at it. I stuck him!!!! Wow, I couldn’t do that again in a million years!
I immediacy went into redneck pot belly ninja mode. Snake is about 3 feet long. I'm stomping it, cursing it to the abyss. Die you evil varmint. Take that you vile venomous slithering plague of hell. By then I'm stomping him and prophesying to him. I stomp all over his back. Can't get a good lick on his head. He's too fast. He's striking at me, I'm telling him about Jesus. Kinda.
He gets behind a rock. I run get a hoe. (A garden hoe for all you under 40) a hoe is a tool you use to . . . never mind. Anyhow I swat at him several times. He finally looks at me and says "Can't we just get along?" By then I'm just screaming Die! Die! Die!! He gets away and crawls under my shed. I regain my composure and walk on into the garden where a big ol rat is eating one of my tomatoes. He looks at me and says "Thnx pal for saving me from the snake, all this time I thought he was working for you humans, glad we're on the same team"
What?! Okay; at that point I realized I had pulled a muscle in my back swatting at the snake. I went in and told the rat to enjoy his meal.
.
But wait! It doesn't stop there. Within minutes I got a call from the snake’s attorney saying they were filing workplace violence against me and suing for workman's comp while snake recovered from his injuries. Then the phone rang again and it was the rat's union rep petitioning for equal pay claiming that the snake had more benefits.
Keep in mind. True story.