The price of the Exit
I stayed for the requirement.
The dinner, the wine, and the companionship
all the things that look like love
but feel like a debt.
Now I am given a way out
of a cell without bars.
To buy the key
It wasn't a prison until I tried to go.
Now, I’m paying the price of freedom
with a golden ticket
I didn’t know I had to buy.
Marcus came to collect the rent today;
The final coins for a life lived in the shadows.
He said the debt was paid in full,
The struggle settled with blood and time.
He took his things and turned to the light,
But he forgot his hat upon the chair.
Maybe he left it as a quiet promise,
A reason to turn around when the road gets long.
I’ll keep it in a safe place,
Away from the dust and the reaching wind.
Perhaps the freedom won’t fit him like he thought—
Maybe, just maybe, he’ll come back for it.
BTC (Basic Transaction Cumulation)
A Conceptual Relationship Readiness Theory
Discovered & Conceptualized by:
Er. Haider Khan
(Real Name: Mohammad Shafi Khan)
Author | Thinker | Kashmir
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Introduction
BTC (Basic Transaction Cumulation) is a newly conceptualized idea that explains emotional readiness before entering a new relationship or marriage, especially after a long-term breakup.
Just as banks review transaction history before approving a new account, BTC studies the emotional transaction record of a person before they begin a new emotional commitment.
This concept was discovered and defined by Er. Haider Khan (Mohammad Shafi Khan) as a way to understand why some relationships succeed quickly while others fail despite strong feelings.
Today is 24/7/2024.
Just like a pattern.
Every month it repeatedly happens.
This is the sixth time already.
Will it stop at your favorite number?
Please, no more of this.
Also just realized something weir.
I played and sang the songs which loved by A, B & C (me).
A loved and sang the songs only in his language.
B loves one Asian song which was sung by the person he had crush on.
I loved the song which was sung by E.P. who was not my favorite.
What a discovery of people's personalities.
Quite different but all the same.
It revolves love and music.
Now, I understand what he meant "marriage is a transaction".
No. To me it should be full of affections.
How can I be comfortable if I have to constantly,
Reminding myself what to say and/or not to do.
That was too exhausting and too controlling.
I want to be
A useless friend
Without a means
Towards an end
I'd love to be
That one you know
Who's presence heals
With naught to show
Transaction lite
No gifts or tools
Just present
There to break the rules
That life is full
And resource heavy
True friends don't need
Transaction levy
I'd love to be
The friend you choose
When life is sweet
Nothing to lose
Unrequired
Layabout
Just present
For a mate hangout
Agenda free
Just there to hold
Nothing is bought
Nothing is sold
I want to be
There on demand
To chat and laugh
Or hold a hand
There is no reason
No goal, no end
I simply want
To be that friend
The attentive window sits bitter and alone,
As vindictive vines of envy become overgrown,
Darkened clouds fester, poisoning slowly within,
And discordant branches haunt before dreams can begin.
Resentful shadows form as the candid clock ticks,
Fettered to the rhythm and ready to transfix,
Smothered in indifference, deadened in distraction,
Trauma for tranquility, torture transaction.
Dragged from security as hateful hands clench,
And disfugured hopes comfort, discarded in the trench,
Tangible laughter mocks as teeth tear sanity,
And now, death echos loop, in search of humanity.
I gave you my heart
You broke it and sent it back
With a note marked not wanted
There’s no money back guarantee
No try me and see
But now your account has been closed
Your credit score blown
And I’m taking my business elsewhere
The lover I want will order more than once
And will look after my heart as their own
The business of love is hard on the heart
And highly emotionally charged
Now leave me alone
I’m going on line
To see if I can find love on the web
He parlayed his handsome,
Against her soft assets.
He saw her and she raised him.
Both folded, spent.
He, a sure bet.
She, a wild gamble.
Together, a beautiful transaction.
All things were nothing to give
Nothing were all things to receive
An eerie transaction
If only they can see what my eyes see
The pain of loosing all and never becoming free
Every year is different with pain that never stops.
Why can't they see what my eyes can really see
Everyday i see them but i don't think they see me
For i am reaching out but always left incompletely
My knees are swollen for praying that never stops
Why can't they see what my eyes can truly see
With a grin on my face and a kind voice to plea
Graceful lines but lost in a high tides sea
I'm alone now with pain that never stops
Why can't they see what my eyes revealed to me...
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