Funny Toilet Paper Poems | Examples
These Funny Toilet Paper poems are examples of Toilet Paper poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Toilet Paper Funny poems written by international poets.
He’s a rocker, a mod, a violent young youth,
He bashes whoever he sees,
While she is a mugger when the sun disappears,
She’ll destroy, pretty much, both of your knees,
And he says he’s gay so of course he has AIDS,
Stay away, don’t infect us with “Qu##r”,
Are words uttered by small panicking towns,
The words that simple folk hear,
And the sore jaws of the world explain it away,
God’s will, a violent video game,
The music made him do it, teenagers today,
Shock jocks lead a moral crusade,
But today the distrust is against something small,
No vaccine, no drugs and no shots,
Nothing to blame so people panic buy,
Panic buying toilet paper from shops.
Seven chocolate butterflies
Dancing on shower bubbles
Strawberry markers don't swim on leather
Lasagna.
From the shower to the mirror I stand
With my breasts cupped in my hands
Oh my gosh they're too small
As I stand there and bawl
You men simply just don't understand
He suggests I take some toilet paper
I've to rub them, Oh what a caper
Blimey, how long this will take
It'll take months, just wait
Keep rubbing you'll soon be the shaper
Golly, I'm starting to feel a right tit
My new Bra they ain't going to fit
Well it worked for your ass
Keep going darling lass
There's the proof, no lies, didn't it
.
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh
We're totally out of toilet paper
Someone broke in and pilfered it
Known as the toilet paper caper
It's really not a laughing matter
So wipe that grin off your face
The FBI's Stolen Bum Wipe Unit
Was called in to take the case
Went around from door to door
Searching for a lead or a clue
Except for a couple of possibilities
Wound up wearing out their shoes
As the leads started growing cold
Up pops this suspicious event
A race being staged at the university
Likely no criminal intent
But the first across the finish line
When they rang the final bell
Was awarded two dozen 3-ply rolls
By the makers of Cottonelle
The biggest controversy of the day
Is toilet paper – which way should it lay
Should it roll under and hug the bathroom wall
Or over the top and stand out till it’s small
Personally, I’m a top roll guy
It puts it that much closer to my thigh
And as we age our movements start to slow
I like things close because you never know
To all you varmints
Who like to squeeze the Charmin's
I went to the grocery store one day
And someone had the Charmin's squeezing away
I said hey what are you doing that for
Like come on right in the store
She looked at me like i was spun
Like it was something i had ever done
So i gave a little squeeze to see how she liked it
Another women saw me and started having a fit
Hey she said don't do that
So your the culprit that makes the rolls flat
Well i was stunned so i said real fast
No she did it first i did it last
I was just trying to teach her a lesson you see
Squeezing the Charmin's that was the first time for me
Well now i had done it i was caught in the act
And i don't squeeze the Charmin's and that's a fact
She twisted my words upside down
Made me look like a total clown
There i was in the middle of a war
Right in the middle of the grocery store
The moral to the story is don't squeeze the Charmin's
Their is a lot of people looking for those varmints
In this bathroom of Dr. Heath's,
The tissues so tough you grit your teeth.
No soft toilet paper anywhere to be found,
By the time you get through, how does Charmin sound?
You wipe with sandpaper til you bleed,
Soft toilet paper your bottom will need.
In this kit, relief you will find
From toilet that is much more kind!