I've been a vegetarian since 1999, so I don't know why I write poems like this.
The Lion and the Lamb
Lamb said, "Violence is not the way of God."
Lion said to Lamb, "That's odd"
(and I quote verbatim)
just before he ate 'im.
Lion's Face Splattered Across the Front Page
Lion was out on parole
when he saw a Gazelle and ate him whole.
His attorney apologized for the pain
and would carefully explain
that the jungle king would plead insane,
but the jury found he was not insane, but droll
when he said he should've topped him with a jelly roll.
Carnivore Herbivore Dialog
The carnivore spoke, "I eat animals raw,
according to the jungle law".
The herbivore replied, "I won't even try it,
I observe a strictly vegan diet",
as he proceeded to gently chew
a burger of mushrooms and tofu.
The predator ate him in one gulp and said,
"I prefer my dinner to be grass fed".
Tofu woke up feeling strange.
He felt like riding on the range.
He thought he heard somebody say,
"Come little dogie. Yippee I oh, ki-ay" "
and he believed without hesitation,
in the tenet of reincarnation.
I am a doctor’s daughter: You go girl!
I am my mother’s (supervising psychiatric social worker) child: You’ve got this !
I am mission oriented: Fried tofu and rice.
Breakfast of champions!
this tofu combo is quite spicy.
it would be a bit much for lovers of poetry.
my grandmother could neither read nor write,
but she knew what to do with dead bodies.
at my son's football, a friend's mother is telling me about her start-up company
i ask how it's going
"it's too early to tell."
"like the french revolution?"
but the absolute brass neck of the perpetrator
who could have orchestrated such a terrible crime?
i wonder if the victim has got a percussion
maybe it's a cymbal of things to come
i'm in a homemade hamster wheel
trying to cross the ocean
I watched a man in a red and black flannel shirt
walk into the bathroom holding a box of tofu
and then
the man in the flannel shirt walked out without it.
He is alive and breathing just like me.
My muse is on fire, she burns at the stake
guilty of poetasting, and glaring mistakes
Inferior rhymes with old Monoku outtakes
blaze all around her, as embers are raked
Badly blistered syllables, spark and flake
Whilst lacklustre stories, continually bake
A bard fans the flames, but he too’s a fake
for mincing his own words, with juicy steak
Making ado about nothing, soliloquy spake
Glory to the Efilist god, ha! give me a break
A dedication of respect
for rendering down a bard
# # #
However unpalatable
and repugnant the suet tastes
# # #
From March madness to April fool’s
digesting copious amounts of insipid tofu
# # #
Only to wipe it off
in an all encompassing
persistent vegetative state
By
David Kavanagh IV
I’m a free spirit rising
a freethinker dreaming
Stoically climbing
the surreal limbo bar,
But I don’t know why
i’m no bright spark
for split seconds on fire
lighting up the dark
Yet we have one
with burning aspirations
peers into his own sky
it goes over most heads
Just like mother earth
oh that monster
who never shared a bed
Unresurrected yet alive
drones from a hive
uniformity in his wardrobe
reminds me of
a Gucci slave
in fox fur skin
self imposed virgin
His yellow ribbon tie,
symbolic of no hope
tourniquet for the throat
leers around corners
peers over the edge
paranoid with multifaceted sides
seen through opaque eyes
equals the root of Pi r squared
be careful not to stare
Does his hell refuse lepers
can I comment
without being masked
stop me spreading gossip
through questions I ask,
Searching for answers
or setting traps
they come thick and fast
But like always
with many gaps
Cast out of Eden
for the beef he’s eaten
an iPhone heathen
Doesn’t know when beaten
perhaps tofu can sweeten
the Shakespearian cretin
By
David Kavanagh
Last Thanksgiving our vegan Aunt Marie
Served tofu turkey and beansprout green tea
The dinner was quite frightful
Yet we all cheered delightful!
This Thanksgiving it's Del Taco for me
11/16/22
Fun Holiday Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Insipid, tasteless, no excuse,
a texture somewhat like a sponge.
I see it served in ways gourmet,
but they’re not fooling anyone.
My father had a fancy boat,
so elsewhere, we were somewhat poor.
I grew to hate those purple eggs
with no real substance to abhor.
Moussaka was a featured dish;
the smell, an instant cause for grief.
No way to feed a growing boy;
I see the cheese, but where’s the beef?
Try though you may, I’ll not agree;
eggplant is simply not a food.
Pushed by the bean curd industry,
they try to make tofu look good.
A big meat eater in Tampa Bay
became a vegan for his fiancé
But his pug feels forsaken
with his bland tofu bacon
So he’s calling the S.P.C.A
Minichu kidding me?
I know Pikachu and tofu, but Minichu?
Like really?
Okay, I'll play.
Minichu like I know how to...
Some say.
Ha ha!
Easy for you.
Bah!
Minichu kidding me?
Minichu like I know how to...
Bah!
Thank God for vegetarians there is more meat for me
just wish those militant vegans would let me be
It's not that I don't like vegetables I'm easy to please
just flavor that pot of green beans with a dab of bacon grease
But now they made plant based meat marketed as fit to eat
packed with chemicals and fat so your taste buds taste a treat
At first it was Burger King now they got KFC
honestly for meat eaters it sounds like preaching
Real seafood, poultry, pork and beef I desire to consume
and for eating almost anything adding bacon makes room
Barbecue it, grill for sure, roast or frying pan
for the smell, flavor and taste of meat I am your man
Fake meat just doesn't sound right eat a salad instead
but put my salad on a thick hamburger between buns of bread
Feel free to eat what you like but don't mess with my menu
I want crispy golden fried chicken, not bite into a glob of tofu
The new Mc Spicy is born
Can i have non vanilla non milk milkshake
shaken vertically then horizontal then metaphorically
Why isn't there a kft-Kentucky fried turkey
----------------------------------- -------------tofu
whatever bloats your flats
Today’s the day to celebrate
A food that few dislike or hate
For pizza’s found most everywhere;
A town without it would be rare.
From big round pies served by the slice
To square Sicilians, all entice,
No matter if they’re topped with cheese
Or have more fancy pedigrees
‘Cause toppings vary; where you eat it
May decide what tops complete it –
Pepperoni, veggies, ham,
Pineapple or shrimp or clam
Sausage, meatballs, spinach, ‘shrooms,
Even tofu, one assumes.
Sprinkle with oregano
Or pepper flakes; you’re good to go.
We should all indulge today
So if you’re home or you’re away,
Go find yourself a sizzling slice
Of gastronomic paradise!
A sparkler with long little lashes,
this soaring star
...this twinkle twinkle little star.*
She ladles gravy
at the mini soup kitchen,
her teeny tiny wings clapping.
This fairy, a card shark,
deals out ham, turkey and tofu,
and sloshes cranberry out of a tin can.
At twilight she sings and fairy dust flies.
The cornucopia of November sneezes goodbye.
10/21/2019
November Twinkle Fairy Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Caren Krutsinger
*Twinkle Twinkle Little Star originally a poem written by Jane Taylor
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