Stumbling through the language of the city,
I walked today
through the middle of a battlefield.
Blood.
Death.
Destruction.
And yet, tomorrow
will bring another new beginning.
A brooding, reverberating,
suffocating silence.
A shattered, broken world.
I plunge my hands into the earth
and paint a picture of revolution.
After a long life in exile,
I return to the village
and find how much
the homes and settlements have changed.
The traces of my childhood
are no longer there.
My eyes fill with tears.
Scattered, rough-edged pebbles,
broken branches of trees,
fragments of shells.
And yet, carrying all their mysteries
and adventures,
they return to me,
again and again.
wipe themselves
the tears in my eyes away.
For so long,
I have told the next generation
so many lies.
Now I have folded myself inward,
away from my own self.
Gender dysphoria,
distress, puberty blockers,
the search for gender identity,
hormone therapy.
Gender transition
continues to unfold
by individual choice.
Boys become girls,
girls become boys.
And even that
gives some people
a headache.
I move through the mornings made of glass.
each step a tremble, each breath a struggle.
the world,
too loud.
the ground is close, the sky unsure.
nothing is steady, nothing is pure.
still, I stagger.
still, I tremble
still, I haven’t managed to hold it all together.
so ill continue,
the world getting,
louder
and louder
and louder.
Defined as nothing other than sheer,
what else do you say about this mess?
Whittled down only resilience is left.
When all you see is a cold shoulder left
that next move never comes off sheer.
Your insides are now a four letter mess.
Regardless of this unpredicted mess,
there was so much raw intensity left.
Courage wrapped in passion so sheer.
Stumbling in this sheer mess I never left.
While walking to school
I was thinking about last weekend
- it was great. we did nothing -
and I stumbled on uneven pavement
it was a trip down memory lane
I was wearing a dress and I skinned my left knee badly
Charles, walking with me, grimaced at the blood
- which almost made me laugh
he wanted to call a car but I doughtily soldiered on,
scraped, bleeding and cursing my own clumsiness
If people noticed they didn’t point, stare
or barf at the grizzly sight
at school, I went straight to the ladies,
and washed it with soap and water
sticking pieces of toilet paper to the worst of it
to stop the bleeding and then limping to class
in emergency medicine, that toilet paper
would be called an ‘immediately sterile’ cover.
.
.
Songs for this:
Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles
.
.
Each year I made a Christmas playlist.
If you like Christmas tunes, please enjoy the Christmas feels!
daweb.us/xmas/Christmas_35.mp3
Happy Holidays Everyone!
How do you love me?
Let me state the ways...
you're there to lean on
in my darkest days,
you rock my world
but not my boat
and leave no stone unturned
to keep me afloat.
It's nice to know,
at the end of the day,
you're only
a stone's throw away,
and, no matter how near
or how far,
for me, you'll always be,
my very own rock star.
A stepping stone,
not a stumbling block,
my Uluru...
solid, you are my rock.
STUMBLE AND RISE (Gravity and I)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gala event, a minefield of hope and dread,
Winners announced, toward the stage were formally led.
My name was called; I tripped, planting my face on the floor,
Embarrassed was I, my ego damaged, my pride done for.
“Gravity and I are in a toxic relationship,” I said, my face turning red.
Around the kitchen
I was bumbling
with pots and pans
see me fumbling
for something yummy
with an empty tummy
it was rumbling
took a long hard look
and now I'm mumbling
as there's not a lot to cook
but bread crusts crumbling
long past their sell-by date
it's ever-so humbling
but there's no point at all
this late in grumbling
about standing the heat
or beating a retreat
but better yet than
simply stumbling
out of the frying pan
and into the fire tumbling
The edge is close, my steps are slow,
I shouldn’t look, but still, I know.
I told myself I’d just come see
But now the fear is holding me.
The ground’s too far, my hands feel weak,
My chest is tight, I barely speak.
The railing’s there, but what if not?
What if it slips? What if I drop?
I take one step, then stop again,
The panic rising in my skin.
The wind is sharp, it stings my face,
I feel too small for this high place.
I take a breath, I step away,
The edge behind, I make my way.
With every step, I feel more free,
The fear is gone, I’m moving, see?
I don’t look back, I don’t regret,
I take each step, no more to fear.
The fear still lingers, but I survive
I’m off that path. I’m still alive.
traversing a feeling
is like a drunk walk home
not very appealing
my words mix like loam
stumbling through silence
each thought’s a misstep
I’m haunted by shadows
by things left unsaid
the weight of my doubts
clings close like a shroud
wishing for courage
to speak out loud.
but here in the quiet,
my heart’s not alone,
I hope you don’t hate me
for things I’ve not shown.
Everyone is like that
Looking for happiness
Hope for peace, strength and sufficiency
Should grow up, be mature, be mindful
Telling myself to try to live well.
Entering life, stumbling is better enough
Just realized, living a good life is not easy
Be yourself, focus on the go
The whole world is a strawberry pond
Already a boat must accept the float.
never really liked the way I stumble
stumble, stumble
stumble and stumble
where’s the song we used to stumble over the words
because at least i could enjoy the jumping and stumbling
of the tape
it was a red van, not a white one
so we always knew it was him who was giving the good
kind of candy, and not type that makes you fall asleep
you know what i’m talking about
so now i’m stumbling over words
stumbling over people
i didn’t know there was a dead squirrel on the stairs
why is there a dead squirrel on the stairs??
now i’m stumbled and stumped
thinking about that red van
who’s driving it now
does the tape still jump
or maybe it’s jumping back to the same place now that he’s gone
it never jumped like that when we met him for the first time
i guess all of the cassettes had to stumble for a while
now he’s got the unstumbled cassettes of all our little adventures
nothing missing, nothing broken
live on channel 37
You only stumble if you take your eyes off the path
INTERNATIONAL!!
Criminals a'caught here.?
Send masks to cover faeces.)
Dog
stumbles on steps
old age
I hate that what I want to say
Wants to come out two different ways.
“Have a good day”, “thank you for the compliment”
Have a thank day. …what did I say? Is that what I meant?
Stumble and bumble when my lips won’t work
Sounding dumb, seeming stupid, seeing a smirk.
That’s why it’s on my body. It’s written in ink.
My hand captures better than my mouth what I think.
I hate that what I want to say
Wants to come out in different ways.
I hate that what I meant to say
Made me feel foolish today.
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