Calico cat was curiously itty bitty
She had moved to Iowa from New York City
Taking a liking to her was a dog named Smitty
She was playful and fun, extremely witty
Handsome Mr. Mitty said it is such a pity.
For he also had set his cap on this cat named Titty.
Titty the calico cat penned a wonderful ditty.
About how she was moving back to New York City.
she has an ethereal ambiance
not of this earth, the pirates say
this does not keep them from staring
she is a gorgeous wench,
worth the trouble she might bring
get away from the bow, the captain warns
she is a siren, dangerous, not of this earth
she can do damage you will not quickly see
with that golden hair and that luscious body
the men ignore him, thinking he is crazy.
She is a beauty! Smitty argues.
We have not seen a woman for a long time
Not a pretty one! Some of the other men agree
The captain pushes Smitty into the water
a shark gobbles him up right away
What did I tell you? He says to the others
They finally get away from the bow.
A song in my heart is punching to get out
It flies out of my throat with a giggle and shout
A nonsensical ditty that makes me feel good.
I feel a leap in my soul, I am in an incredible mood.
Kitty witty ditty smitty whoo dee dugger day
Playing with rhymes is my most favorite play
I skip and I hop along the brook’s bing bower bay
Kitty witty ditty smitty who wants to be me today?
Smiling Smitty has had three wives and counting
He is still cute and engaging, now, but is getting older
He courts women who own their own house and have careers
Because he likes to spend his days on hobbies.
He has had six or ten jobs, but has never kept one more than a month.
Because going to a job every day is “boring”.
The women he marries think he is cute.
He tells clever jokes and stories; he is engaging.
That lasts for the first ten years or so.
Resentment sets in about the eleventh year
Because he does not shop, cook, vacuum, dust
or help with any chores.
He might do the lawn work, but not on a regular basis.
As soon as Smitty gleans that he might get the boot
He finds his next potential mate.
Another woman with a home and a career.
Smitty isn't Schulte.
He doesn't drive a Cadillac
and doesn't hit his wife
often any more.
Schulte, on the other hand,
drives a Cadillac
and hits his wife
usually on weekends
for no good reason.
He's been doing that for
more than 40 years
ever since the boys
came home from Viet Nam
not knowing they had been
touched by Agent Orange,
Monsanto's gift to war.
They had a double wedding with
girls they liked in high school.
Smitty says therapy
has helped a little.
He hasn't struck his
second wife in years.
But Schulte hasn't changed.
The police have come again
tonight, sirens blaring,
gumball lights swirling.
Two big officers,
matched like bookends,
march Schulte out in cuffs.
He's cursing at his wife
who's in a nightgown
bawling on the porch
as if Schulte's going
back to Nam again.
Smitty swears Schulte
never left the paddies, that
he's still knee-deep in water
bright with Agent Orange,
Monsanto's gift to war.
Donal Mahoney
Anchor down, wind at ease all the sailors out to please, one by one they step off deck and into the arms of who knows heck.
For a night of drinking, a fist full of titty, and a bottle of good ole smitty, to drowned out their long and grueling lives and sink in pity by those beer goggled cuties who in the end get their share of good ole boys that breathe the sea as if it where air, waiting for someone who's never there, just to care.
By Leah Munoz
Pen name (Leloo Pair)
Home
Such a long time ago
So very far away
The true memories fade
Replaced by idealistic thoughts
Streets change
The ones you walked are now dead end
Dug up to make room for a new dance club
Even the street you grew up on doesn’t look the same
Buildings change names and shapes
People move away or die
Even the love of you teenage life is long gone
Your favorite food has long past gone
Smitty always made the best chili burgers
Where is he now?
His placed closed up decades ago
There no more family run food joints
They changed into national burger stands
The local personality has died
They say that you can never go back
That home will never be as you remember it
For once they are right
You can never go home again
At twenty, a sophomore in college
I bought my first car
A forty seven Chevy club coop
It was clean and up to par
Of course, it had to be personalized
So I lowered the rear end
Put on fender skirts and a Smitty
That rumble would make me grin
All the interior lights were blue
I thought that was cool
But everything wasn’t so perfect
At times that car was cruel
The car had what’s called a vacuum shift
A faulty design at best
It would lock in gear, you couldn’t shift
What causes it, a guess?
The only way to get it unlocked
Is to rock it forward and back
That was more than a one person job
It would unlock with a crack
It would happen at the worst of times
Like when I’m out on a date
Asking your date to help rock the car
Didn’t always turn out great
Something special about my first car
Just getting it was a thrill
But at the times when it would lock up
It’s a car I could just kill
The Secret Life of Wally Smitty
By Elton Camp
Wally is as ordinary a fellow as they come
His life, to him, seems dull and hum-drum
But once he gets home from work each day,
It’s to his computer where he loves to play
His picture he will gladly send upon request
He’s tall, handsome, and has hair on his chest
To be a movie star Wally surely looks to be fit
In fact, he has a big resemblance to Brad Pitt
His daily work is, Wally is just so proud to say
In the CIA or some days he is a Green Beret
Although he has to drive an older Kia sedan,
He claims a Corvette because he’s “The Man”
And Wally also asserts that he has money galore
How could any girl he meets ask anything more
But at times his secret life he truly comes to hate
Because it’s so hard to keep his stories straight
A symphony escort named Brute
Was charging each man with no suit
He must have been witty
To dupe Maestro Smitty
He also made off with his lute