Short Plumbing Poems

my spigot
is dripping

slide on an
O ring to

tighten 
the fixture...

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Lord, sometimes
My words 
Need plumbing 
To flush out and restore 
The sweet residue of my faith...

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'Twas so hot that I shivered
     My lips so dry they quivered

  Salty tears clouded my eyes
     my plumbing bowdlerized...

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Fido was a little doggy
Who's brain was getting old and foggy
He frequently forgot
Where he had marked the spot
Everywhere he looked was soggy...

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The midnight warning of Paul Revere:
"Liquor up front, poker in the rear!
The British are coming
To do their own plumbing
So ensure you leave a souvenir!"...

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Our neighbour is plumbing Mum's drain
As some drips were causing her pain
But mum is no fool
And his "special" tool
Like Dad's, will just make yellow rain...

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There was a plumber from South Vernal
Who collected plumbing items supernal.
He loved them greatly
With devotion saintly
And slept every night with a urinal....

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For years historians dismissed it.
Calling it nonsense,a fairytale,certainly not a mystery.
Its the first reference to Medieval plumbing.
The Bayeux Tap History...

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My alto voice sang while soaping up
sudden plumbing problems did disrupt
water turned ice cold
voice soprano bold
soap opera cold shower luck.




9-17-17...

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Have you seen the part time plumber?
He plumbs in winter and a pop-star in summer
During a plumbing job, he will thrust out his spanner
Singing into it “Copacabana”...

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Dear Plumbing I am extremely vexed.
I never know where you will burst next.
I took a nice bath,
And incurred your wrath.
Why you won't turn off has me perplexed.

Came in no.7...

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Plumbing problems in several a nightmare,
closing stores for 6 months which is rare,
gutting them out,
security abound,
shoppers unprepared and downright scared.








11-21-16...

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Cracks in the floor,
filled with old cardboard.

Plastic on the windows,
blankets on the doors.

Newspaper on the plumbing,
wood stacked by the stove.

Preparing for the winter,
when I was just a boy....

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The plumbing is leaking, all hell's breaking loose
Hell, no morning coffee, think I'll vamoose
Head for the coffee shop
Where the coppers hang out
Order a barrel of that delicious morning juice...

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The plumbing is leaking, all hell's breaking loose
Hell, no morning coffee, think I'll vamoose
Head for the coffee shop
Where the coppers hang out
Order a barrel of that delicious morning juice...

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Preparing for the winter,
when I was just a boy.

Newspaper on the plumbing,
wood stacked by the stove.

Plastic on the windows,
blankets on the doors.

Filled up with cardboard,
Cold cracks in the floor....

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Our pipes are leaking, the horror of it all
Not mine you silly, it's a kitchen waterfall
Some shoddy plumbing
I find it quite numbing
Ridiculous price for some work by neanderthals


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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I called a handyman whose name was Mack
For fixing plumbing, he had quite a knack
Mack became quite renown
Cuz each time he bent down
Fully exposed was his nasty butt crack!


November 4, 2022
A Funny Limerick -Make Me Laugh Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin...

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Dear Fido spies the snow, at which his nose, he's thumbing ...


          For now there's Christmas trees, and that means ... indoor plumbing!







~ 2nd Place ~  in the "A Cute Christmas Couplet (In Rhyme)" Poetry Contest, Andrea Dietrich, Judge & Sponsor....

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Females and males have different plumbing, that I
think it is just wonderfully celestial.

"Whichever" bathroom logos on bathroom doors...
dismiss God's creations as inconsequential.

These are not only highly PC inane,but in the main, 
totally, and uniquely.....irreverential!


September 28, 2019

...

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When shopping I espied my plumber 
I’d dallied with him in the summer
We’d meet round the block
I’ve seen his ballcock
He ditched me, I couldn’t be glummer

He’s laying pipe with my friend Mary
I advised her she should be wary
Because I do not think
He’ll be fixing her sink
But bonking her down in the dairy

2/23/19 ...

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Vestments of yesteryear
dotage's gone vague
zeitgeist's heart
wound up clock like
ticks laboriously
errands run through
veins seasonally
in the plumbing
till they 'fall'
ah, but that's 
the cultural attache' 
bound by render
on the wall
ghostly meandering
through the mist
the haze
the humidity
makes the window
fog up so that what
lurks within is obscure....

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The Plumber

By Elton Camp

When the pipes under sink began to leak,
Help of Big Bubba’s Plumbing I did seek
Bubba promised he’d be there right away
And he showed up later that very same day

He said, “Big Bubba is here your pipes to fix.
I brought the tools to help me do the tricks.”
Wrenches, pliers, solder—nothing did he lack
But, so sad to say, he also had plumber’s crack...

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Spare a prayer for my fair Lady Spouse
Her last sigh was as shy as a mouse
She died in the snow
A moment ago 
Frozen numb coming from the outhouse*


*Many Native Americans live in homes without electricity, plumbing, or heating,  and Trump's shutdown of the BIA ( "Bossing Indians Around") prevented the sale of permits which allow Native Americans to collect firewood on their own land. ...

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Fresh dust
bevels the
stagnant rot
of complacency
hollowing out
better purpose.

Are we
the imaginings
of seraphic
spirits and
demons rivaling
the majesty
of living?

When plumbing
the shaft
of consciousness,
linear thought
corrupts with
persistence the
notion of
time elements

folding membranes
with complicity
most jaunty
without regard
to infinity
within each
daring creation
etched firm
upon clay....

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