Short Golfing Poems

golfer has two shirts 
play it safe on "T " says he— 
if a hole in one!...

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Jars of shards laid across the greenest 
Of yards filled with holes meant for pars....

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Golfing golden-age gentleman gladly gives go ahead-
gilds golf game, gets glory,
goofball glitzy gold digger girlfriend giggles
...

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When playing desert golf I parch easy
Which then means I don’t get pars easy
So when I am done
I hide from the sun
And play eighteen whole games of Parcheesi...

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While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,

       his head bowed in prayer
       at this somber affair

to pay last respects to his wife!...

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sun.
vacations.
winters cold delay, is faded.

waded through the luggage.
motels swell with vacationers.

golfing , swimming.
scenic tours, fishing lures.

guides to the sights....

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Trump Fool with Loose Tool

Not only is Trump a terrible fool,
Things about him are miniscule;
Golfing he went;
Our money spent;
Played around with a loose tool.

Jim Horn...

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A Golfing Lover

Have remembered being golfing lover;
His ball over stands did start to hover;
Tiger told tale,
Without fail;
Hit someone and was hard to recover.

Jim Horn...

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My brother is so obsessed with golf, 
he even struck the nose of poor Rudolph.

Thursday, November 18, 2021
YOUR FUNNIEST COUPLET EVER Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: L MILTON HANKINS...

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Self-employed and partner in life
He "hired" some other guy's wife
Making golfing balls
Now he has two holes
My new business ?...Surgical Knives...

for Carolyn Devonshire's "Horrible Bosses"...

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I dreamt of playing golf in Covid times
I cannot play actually as virus confines
Bereft of clubs we threw our balls
Ignoring fairways they hit tree walls
Lost balls make for stiff golfing crimes.

22.9.2020...

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Why won’t you speak to me?
Can you at least tell me where
my checkered golfing socks are?

I said ‘sorry,’ made a hang-dog face.
You laughed.
Then phoned your mother.

Now the  town knows
about the socks....

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There was this Scots golfer Sir Percy Hoar

    Who dinged a poor bloke nigh hole number four

        This made the dude mighty sore

            And after Percy he tore

                Forsooth, Sir Percy failed to bellow FORE...

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When out golfing and ready to tee
I sometimes feel a strong urge to pee
With no bathrooms near by
I throw my golf club high
While I run to find the nearest tree

10/12/19


(This was originally written for and inspired by Jan's " A Poem for the Ladies"-collaboration)...

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Nikko…will you go?
Will you go to prom?
Will you go to prom?

No?

Prioritizing?  Gym!  Kickboxing!  Golfing! No Nikko!
Nikko…will you go?
Nikko…will you go?
Nikko….my pinup tomboy tycoon!

No?

I will comb my wig for you!
Will you go?  
Will you go?

Nikko will you go to prom?...

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pool of dead pool movies
catogry 5
cant remember my last line
should be golfing all the time
line by line
correct my spelling
it might be wrong
for give me from my past
going to be dirtry then ever
the look i should look
so bate your hook
stoke the fire
 sorry
but if i were there
i'd be there...

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Excluded Trump for Being Excruciating

Making someone very weak and infirm
like a "debilitating back pain."
Tending to weaken something.

Again excluded Trump for being excruciating;
He never was humble and always humiliating;
Poor golfing game,
And him to blame;
Back stabbed with pains that are debilitating.

Jim Horn...

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When I went golfing with Sir Isaac Newton
He hit tee shots that were not comput’in
Though he struck balls sound
They stayed on the ground
Never making it to where he was shootin’

When we went inside to, have a tea
He showed his disgust with, gravity
I said, “That round went to pot
Coz for each hole’s first shot
For some reason you didn’t, grab a tee!”...

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I reckon my prime sport is tiddlywinks

   Don't take much energy and little thinks

      I can sit and flip the disks

         Sans cracked skull and other risks

            That might occur while golfing on the links

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 1 in Royal Trevino's "My Favorite Sport" Contest - Feb 2011...

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Smarter than a dolphin golfing a par five with two raging rabid bears

Smarter than a blind man walking up seven uneven stairs

Smarter than a clunky monkey who takes your quarter at fairs

Smarter than a genius that keeps his mouth closed because no one cares

Smarter than a species that is not found and still out there

Smarter than Einstein's brain so step into my lair.   -TA...

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    Another loss for my favorite team
       The season just isn’t picking up steam
    First it’s poor defense, then listless offense
       Sloppy fundamentals make us fans scream

    I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel
       or a pot of gold at rainbow’s edge
    So I think I’ll go golfing at an easy par-three ~
       Just hit three balls in the lake with my old trusty wedge
...

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Lockdown has forced us to stay home for long
I cannot play golf but can eat and sleep    
Social distancing wants us not to throng
No one understands that my pain is deep
Need to practice my swings for their upkeep
No play may retard muscle memory
Making me lose golfing trajectory
Coronavirus, why you give such pain!
Golfing time wasted on cleaning bag accessory
Checking your spread though is a vital gain.

15.4.2020...

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Sookie said (as she stood at the tee),

"Though this golfing is boring to me,

Its odds can't be beat.

Of golfers I meet,

for each woman, the males number three!!"


For the Limerick Contest of Carolyn Devonshire

*Note: Female golfers number fewer than 23% in this sport.
With the many doctors and lawyers that seem to enjoy this
activity, I can't help but think it would be a great place for a
single lady to meet rich men!...

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In golf's serene domain they lay,
The ball drainers by fairway's bay.
Lakes and ponds with silent grace,
Reflecting challenges golfers face.

Beneath the sky of azure hue,
Glistening mirrors, waters true.
Whispers ripple through the reeds,
As golfers ponder their golfing deeds.

Yet in these depths where golf balls sink,
A challenge faced, a challenge to think.
For every stroke lost in watery depths,
Nature's hazards, where the golfer tests....

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Green has become my greatest goal, 
When I am golfing from hole to hole, 
And to survive and remain alive, 
Depends on distance of delicate drive. 

When with golf game have all the goods, 
No golfer is better than Tiger Woods, 
Some even gave Obama the blame,
And said he had a great golfing game. 

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
www.story-telling-around-the-world.com
Read more at: http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/ thomas_kinkade_633515#comments...

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