Short Gassy Poems

A gassy stomach isn't funny
If you fart it comes out runny
Your pants are  full of liquid gas
That wouldn't stay in your a--...

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Kitchen
Mission

Savage
Cabbage

Digest
Regress

Stomach
Toxic

Pepto-
Bismal™

12/16/20
written words by James Edward Lee Sr © 2020...

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Bless me horseradish
                                     Make me gassy and pungent
                                          I hate shrewd people...

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I once had a dog named Carter
Who was a hell of a farter
I stuck a plug up his butt
To stop the farting mutt
But Carter just pushed 'em out harder!...

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I once wrote a letter to Santa,
I'm gassy.  I need some Mylanta.
Then Santa wrote back
asked, Are you on crack?
That's one stupid wish I can't grant-a!...

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Stuck with gas, no antacid had Santa
as he flew Christmas Eve near Atlanta.
When Santa Claus farted,
the reindeer all darted.
And poor Santa cried out, "Oh, Mylanta!”

...

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Let us
Lettuce

Rancid 
Salad

Savage
Cabbage

Digest
Regress

Stomach
Toxic

Corn beef
Raw meats

Pepto-
Bismal™

12/16/20
written words by James Edward Lee Sr © 2020...

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Our Holidays! 

Grandpa is gassy and grandma passed out 
Uncle Joe’s drunk and Aunt Emma no doubt 
Can’t believe her eyes 
To us, no surprise 
All this drama makes my mom want to shout!...

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Drop them in water
You got a sweet, gassy drink
“Fizzies” were a hit.

We watched them dissolve
into bright rainbow colors
with flavors of fruit

But where did they go?
What a disappearing act
leaving all your fans!

Bring back the Fizzies
I really miss them so much
I am not alone.
...

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Stinking, dirty money
Foul, festering money
Putrid, gassy money
Rotten, disgusting money
Oppressing, cruel money
Castigating, merciless money
Admonishing, finger-wagging money
Subjugating, stone-faced money


Aah, money…
That your kiss is so sweet,
Your embrace so sensuous,
Your possibilities so tempting…
I am dirty with your scent...

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as I lay on a grassy field in the Maine
I begin to smell rain. 
a tropical storm approaches as I
drown in pain.

my lungs collapse in pain 
I have nothing to gain
my eyes roll back, sweeping 
through my veins
a light shines, and said my name
I wake up with no more pain
but at the end, the gassy field
only reminds me of pain....

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Dream To Real
Kiara Lebel

Inhale the gassy air
Running through your lungs
Hearing the mystery tunes

Running through your lungs
Toxic gases taking over your body
Wanting to know when the dream will end
Slowly falling apart

Toxic gases taking over your body
Hearing the mystery tunes
Slowly falling apart
Inhale the gassy air...

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Stinking, gassy
Lady of the night
Flinging your hate
Sharing your plight

Succubus of want
Soft and perfumed
Angel from the depths
How close you have loomed

Syrupy kiss
Dripping with pleasure
A pleasant subpoena
To a fertile treasure

Black double helix
Dressed for the ball
Come on, Witchy!
Give me a call!

Yoked and complete
Drowning in my shame
Dark and lonely son
He knows who to blame...

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some people make good prisoners
I would not be one of them
most people never get caught
I would be in the unusual half percentile that does

Some people like a roommate
until they see their open toilet
a roommate would hate me
I am up and down all night and gassy

I try to tow the line
I do not break into houses
or hurt people or steal things
for these and hundreds of other reasons...

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Gassy globular leap
splendor in chromatic tone
golden brown hues race,
leaping waters of delight.
Beneath prolific waves
A humpback whale
birthing.

A newborn rocked
in mother earth as womb,
discoveries come as sands shift;
The timeless sea has secrets,
she shares with only her offspring.



1-18-2020
STRAND any form any theme Poetry Contest
Brian Strand...

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Freddie junior was thrilled to graduate
Family on their way to congratulate
Jubilation easy to demonstrate
His sister brought herself a crazy date
Whose biggest talent was to flatuate
A detriment to fully celebrate
So they got rid of her boyfriend named Nate
Started the big feast with a whole new slate
Freddie’s relatives set to masticate
Eating a delicacy on every plate
Freddie Junior met his future mate
Beautiful sister of gassy Nate...

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I ate;
I ache;
Now I smell up the air;

passing those flatulent gassy breeze;
Inhaling warm air, burping a bleach;

Constipated, concentrated dreams;
Reality pinching me at the seems;

Evacuated;
Re-leaved myself;
Now I deposited wasted products;

Inhaling warm air, burping a bleach;
Biodegradable stents;

Reality pinching me at the seems;
Constipated, concentrated dreams;

Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2018 ©
11/15/18...

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Coke

Coke

It’s

The

echt

thing

always

coca-cola

invigorating 

gassy sudsy

Lift nostrils up 

forcing you to wheeze
 
Red Coca-cola logo

C  O  K  E

Have coke and smile 

Can’t beat the feeling

Hot?  Tired?  Thirsty?

Drink it you’ll enjoy it

Now in new flavors

Cherry, lime, lemon

“Refresh yourself”

to the new zero

coca-cola means 

To make mouth happy

5th place contest winner...

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mental constipation.
pen strains against paper
as i close my eyes
and imagine the inspiration
of nature -- a dewy petaled
flower glittering in early light,
a tall waterfall rushing, a
vertical river in the trees --
flowing through me, out
as words beautiful enough
to be spoken eloquently
confidently, vibrant enough
to leave lasting marks
on the souls of all
who hear.
but nothing.
not even a fart,
a gassy haiku.
not one.

must feed my mind
better things....

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Dave Grigger is marinating in the tub.
Stopped by the Dollar-General and
got some bubble-bath. Feels like a
a jacuzzi at a midget night club filled
with gassy-ass dwarfs.

Reach for the cigs - wait - 
dab hands on towel to dry.
Cool.
Now reach for the cigs, draw
one, like a blunted dagger
of delectable carcinogens.

Got no matches.

The head of a German Shepherd emerged
from the bubble bath.

My work was not finished, damn.

Gotta picket a few more abortion clinics....

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My stomach was feeling grumbly and gassy 
As I dressed for my meeting, looking classy
My hair up in a bun, my black suit on in wool
My breakfast still making me feel too full

I ran into the crowded elevator, my portfolio in hand
But then dropped it, and at my boss’s feet it did land 
I bent over quickly trying to pick up my portfolio paper
And gasped, when I loudly let one loose in the elevator

8/1/21

Contest: When I Let One Loose In the Elevator
Sponsor: Charles Messina...

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