Short Flaccid Poems

There's no waffle axed 
by someone flaccid.

Volodymyr Knyr
2017...

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Uncircumcised 
Hard flaccid member
Statue stands erect


By Richard Lamoureux
David for David's contest...

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red rose price rises
faster than flaccid todgers  ~
a blooming rip off!!!
...

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rain drops weave lattice
on drooping leaves… 
flaccid willow weeps 

December 30, 2021
Contest : Modern Haiku
Sponsor : Chetta Achara...

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The bride complained her perfume
Had failed to seduce the groom
Because she was placid
He found himself flaccid
And quietly left the room...

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Dick Flaccid lived a Mary life
Though Bible teachings caused him strife
He hoped someday
Someone would say,
"I now pronounce thee man and wife!"...

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After

as blanched I lay 
chambers emptied,
pump drained
sinew reduced to
flaccid residue,

am I soul?

©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins
February 22, 2012...

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Pretty Betty was pretty placid,
Until she smelled butyric acid.
She ran out of the lab,
And hailed herself a cab.
And did not stop until Lake Flaccid....

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Rod Flaccid faced up to the facts:
A passionate love life he lacks
Girls come to his room
But leave him no groom
Rod Flaccid just falls through the cracks....

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Let it rain on the 
drought-shrouded 
terrains.
Let it rain on the 
meadow and her 
grains;
For the ember stare of 
the bridled sun
Fiddles and suffuses our 
flaccid corn....

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Security from power’s bars makes one stay alone
luxury so sweet, but a hope for a better clone
beyond the need to succeed
but the pleasures are flaccid
wealth simply prevents freedom from rendering a loan...

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Jake was flabby flaccid and wimpy overall
He is not handsome, truthful, honorable or tall
Why do you date him asked her son Call
Because he taught you how to play baseball
Remembering this, he tried to like him after all...

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What the flip was CeeLo Green
Doing on the X Factor looking keen?
In a dress of yellow and pink flowers 
With flaccid, psychedelic powers?

I felt as if I was back in the 60s,
Drifting high with the hippies,
I was sent to planet Zigzag,
In need of a sedating jag....

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The ghostly grippe on Zorro's goolies,
as the ghostly footsteps fall,
some old bugger called d'hoolie,
jerked his chain and was not enthralled,
gelded by the facination,
would he get her would he fall,
rising, falling, flaccid, hesitation,
Zorro needs some other's balls....
Don...

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Presence of fused endurance.
 Fueled by your strength.
 The break of sweat brought on by diverse motion.
 Course of steady breathe.
 Elevated throbbing muscles ignite.
 Flaccid no more.
 Stress free tranquil mind.
 Gratification sets on this well deserved athlete.
 As to wait for dawn to wake me another day....

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What is it about Sunday night
    that the universe just can't get right

  Sunday days, often serene
    Monday morns, fueled by caffeine

  But Sunday nights, phlegmatic and placid
    as if all of creation just went flaccid

  I guess I might as well cash in my chips
    and ride out this night's eternal eclipse...

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Elvis-worm
Eternity comes when you’re out of breath,
breathless paralytic
 your stone deaf,
when the funny stroke is due,
your body melting too,
all part of the deef n deaf,
an overheated you,
is left, the flaccid blue,
Elvis worm the building left,
Bugger, 
No diddle-dum diddly too,
Bereft,
bay-lou…
Don...

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I trained with Schwarzenegger, 
down Wag Bennets gym
at this school, I was miniscule 
when standing next to him
young Arnie was a quiet boy
so gentle and so placid
his muscles hard as iron, 
where mine were soft and flaccid
The gym renowned around the world
 for training he man titans
where Arnie lifted heavy weights
 but I'd just lift the light uns...

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Trump's Solution:
Ignore pollution
Natural dilution

Our marine life has become plastic
The Japanese claim that is drastic
But Donald Trump said,
"That's over my head;
You know they're just being sarcastic!"

A fisherman on Lake Placid
Screamed that the water was acid
Then he fell in the drink
Like a plug in the sink
When he saw his worm go flaccid....

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Adrift in this vast,
empty sea. Silent,
save for the beckoning call
of  distant gulls,
your only friend. And 
the makeshift mast and sail is
uselessly flaccid.

And beneath,
concealed
by the dangling sway, 
of muddy-
moss-green ribbons of waving kelp,
is the dark murk
of unknown depths.

Then the wind 
panics,
arousing your sail and
it swells into life
and draws you towards home....

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Swirling scuffling newspapers
Scrawling in civilized dirt
Alleyways devouring
Discarded stories of hurt
Sunken sorrel skin
Writhing in distended shame
Ingested figments of food
Decomposing depravity’s name
Corroded cans of compassion
Littering hunger pains 
Kicked into comatose corners
Prodded by public domain
Flaccid fingers of despair
Folded to somehow convey
God if you can hear me
I haven’t eaten in ten days...

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The penis.

Mightier than the sword?
Flaccid ruler overseeing
an asylum of nuts.

The blade may cut and thrust,
yet an organ driven
by lust
can inflict a
deeper scar.

Kingdoms lost in battle,
which would ne'er have been fought.

Herds of women, 
Like cattle, 
strive to bed the King.
For a ring.

To be his wife,
which alas,
rhymes with
Strife.

Let battle commence.
Methinks a scabbard victory....

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The tank's getting low
The needle's on 'E'
And I already owe
A gold mine to BP.

So I look at the prices
Anything under four bucks?
I'll be eating beans and rices
Because this gas guzzler sucks...

...My account dry and flaccid.
On the verge of poverty.
I'll need an antacid 
'Cuz this gas is killing me.


I used to fill my tank with a fist full of ones
But now I have a choice between crying or writing puns....

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Those flashbacks often 
dance holding my heart's strings.
With their curvaceous move,
they usually lost their balance and
their obstinate move further
reduce the tension of those strings.

And then those memories fall, 
releasing the tightly held strings
 & then what happened next 
have been confined only to myself. 
These flaccid strings 
stretched to such an extent 
that they usually choke
my almost doddering heart....

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They held hands for the first time.
She , still a virgin. 
Him , still a virgin.
A beautiful night of companionship,
That lasted a life time,
On that night of innocence,
As the bonding was formed.
A boy tiny in form was made.
Though tiny but a handsome miniature
Very mettlesome a kick to the womb,
Music to the ears of his folks.
This was no flaccid baby,
But a Conqueror in the making.
Showered by love moulded by sacrifice...

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