You can go to blazes the angry son said
The next day his annoying father was found dead
Son regretted these final words all of his life
Never enjoyed another day, partied or took a wife
Others tried to sense some sense into him
They could not get through to sorrowful Jim
He was determined to punish himself the rest of his days
His life was in grayscale now, everything else a haze
My eyes are sore from weeping,
Heart, not up for drinking,
Hands, cold from writing,
Mind, ached from worrying
Smile, vanished from faking...
These thoughts are dumb,
The colds’ made me numb,
What I thought was within my thumb,
What I thought I’d become...
While waiting for sleep to come
Every thought,
came back,
to you,
pitiful indeed.
Camping in my,
thoughts,
an unpleasant,
nights unrest.
Morning was,
no better,
the smell,
of hot coffee.
The wood fire,
burning,
last nights
desires.
The lake,
ripples,
with sounds,
I remember.
Can you,
hear me crying,
when,
it's storming?
Splashing in the,
waves,
beneath,
the sun's rays.
The smell of regrets,
repulsive,
like dead fish,
rotting on the shore.
The roar of motors,
out boards,
inboards,
the throttles of life.
Sleeping beneath,
the stars,
my heart forever,
aches.
What made this day a chill
suchlike an approaching winter,
where clouds absorbed the lit,
of the melting heat of summer?
What gave the sky a pour
of a storm with gloomy water?
Brought by the dimmed clouds,
was the rain of howling somber.
What forced the light to hide
above the mourn of a day?
Shading the dampened land
with a tone of mostly gray.
Strong wind passes by,
pushing every smile away.
But after this cold weather,
will darkness gonna stay?
(A Regretful Mistake)
Aren’t I doing a mistake intentionally,
By living my life as if I were to live eternally,
When death would take place eventually?
Indeed, I am doing a mistake intentionally,
By deceiving myself mentally and spiritually,
When death is a part of reality.
How foolish can I be,
For not accepting death as a part of actuality?
So, when I reach my grave unpreparedly,
Then who would be there to shelter me?
Now tell me, what can be a more regretful mistake than this,
This life is the only chance we’ve got and no sensible person would want to miss this.
It’d be better if we would ask Allaah for forgiveness repeatedly,
And Allaah is Merciful and Forgiving, exceedingly.
I sat at a table
It was a table for one;
There was a mirror
And a pay phone
Seated at the head,
They had all brazenly said:
"This, is ahead of its time"
- Then someone with an agenda
Started forming the lines,
Behind ulterior motives
To be the first to capitalize.
And pretty soon,
With the grand accessories
Of these mock identities,
We were all just living cartoons;
While our petty self-image
Obfuscated the truth
- There was only one presence,
Beneath the mask of our skin,
An emptiness of being,
Void of existential meaning.
Within the inner circle of youth culture,
Someone passed through
Something was familiar; nothing seemed new...
...Not to sound jaded by age
- But I've seen more recent advancement
In the Police State
Than I have in the common man as of late
- I guess some things really do never change?
I love you isn't an IOU but I was hypnotized by your eyes...
8/21/16
Oh what a dire regret to lose one's love
A play of fate
Would you say?
Or rather a play of my own luck
Thrown upon by the evil sense
To dream and scream
I used to
To throw tantrums
I used to, every now and then
Pounding my fists
And requiring that my needs be met
Now, having lost the lover at hand
For an eternity with no fathom
I have turned resilient
Brave and understanding!
Such a loss
A decade ago
After a yell on the phone
Cause the knot of my heart
To be tossed in a new path
REGRETFUL
Once more and ever sorrowful
I see the bitter past
Can I perceive tomorrow till
The dark of night has passed
With time the damned
Take heed and heart
Past deeds they whimper still
Conscience jams the nutter part
So says the whip-or-will
Don Johnson 2-august-10
There is contempt in the voice internally scolding….
Backlash at memories past as they flash
An inner-war ensues, battle after battle
Revolted steed threw rider from saddle
War rages on, the death toll rises
Death to rationale concerning my vices
Refreshing to see…
But what of this empty…
Empty void seen only through clarity forced
…lacking feeling, compassion, remorse
torn by pain denied, letting sorrow subside.
Smiles worn as masks, masquerade as a lie
Wondering why? No ship seen on the horizon
Only treasure-less chests I keep those lies in
Repression is me…
Steadily mending yesterdays damage
Knowing there is increasing damage to bandage
Counting the scars is harder to manage
Carrying on, leaving me behind in my wake
Hoping my past won’t hinder progress I make
Redemption isn’t free….
At the tender fetal age of six weeks old,
fingers, toes, & a heartbeat he had I've been told.
It continues to hurt so deeply & bad.
This is why I still regret & get so mad!
For a precious life I stupidly terminated,
had only I used common sense & avoided becoming impregnated.
I truly wish I could undo my wrong,
but only prayer & God help keep me strong.
For it's already been several years,
but that selfish act still brings me to tears.
Often I wonder how he would look & be...
perhaps a spitting image of me?
Obscurity, remorse, angst, & pain,
are few of many emotions that in my heart will sadly remain.
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