I question my existence
Year after year,
Month after month,
Week after week,
Day after day
It all feels the same.
The same four walls,
The same quiet echoes,
The same small footsteps
Running through my days.
Don’t get me wrong
I love my children.
I love them with everything in me.
But somewhere between
Becoming a mom
And becoming a wife,
I misplaced myself.
The girl I used to be
Feels like a distant memory,
A name I barely recognize.
So who am I
Outside these four walls?
Outside of “Mom”?
Outside of “Wife”?
When the noise fades
And the house falls still
Who is left standing?
Because lately,
I’m not sure
I know her at all.
Conversation I had yesterday with Gatsheni
Made me question my existence and illuminated loopholes in my spiritual task
Some steps requires one to be bold and embrace fully what my purpose is upon this cosmos, fear and what people will be say stigma, will delay one's progress
It's about time I serve my purpose, pity many will fall off from my side...
Echoing substations from my ancestors, reverberates, bold decisions are to be made, it's time I project without fear of favor, the message is deafening...
trusting the bearers and the process is inevitable, before the damage becomes amorphous for me to contain further...
The sage and candles are burning too low for my aura, but I the voices echoes, it's now or never
The juvenile consent of being fooled
Like the discretionary power was once handed
Blindfolded amist trouble
Shadowed by trust,
Here again I landed
This time the sword of their betrayal
Overpowered the pen
All the education that they had imparted
Within a second came to an end
Ran through the pages of my favorite dictionary
To see if the image of the real man
Had been distorted or was fictionary
Don't question my existence
If your actions were brutally sick
There and then you lost the basic right to live
The respect you gave earth by calling it mother
Was unquestionably impeccable
But MR. Intruder that mother cried today
As it regret giving birth to you
As the hell deserved you.
A heinous day opened my eyes,
A lifeless me slept beside,
O what scary moments were they,
for what I saw was the devil inside.
Their tears were the mirror of my eyes,
That washed away my lingering pride,
I sensed a torment of loss or victory,
Not too unknown for they were mine.
My clip of sins flashed before,
Their pain and wounds silenced me,
That inhuman figure had me disturbed,
A man so cruel I could not absorb.
That fire of guilt burnt my soul,
My deeds had left me forever stunned,
The token of pains my family attained,
Killed my soul yet again.
My body dispersing in the air,
Made me question my existence,
What peace a holy fire could give ?
To a man who never loved his dear ones.
You make me want to jump in front of a train or jump off the tier question my existence why am I still here feel like a failure and like all I do is wrong as If I'm a disgrace and someone you're ashamed of you make me want to be bitter and let my heart turn cold give up on love because you made it seem like I wasn't worthy of it less of a man when I still do more than most I sit as your void while you come and go you make me forget about the world because in my eyes you're all that matters but you treat me like crap because you're so selfish to the point you're like a drug that's no good for me but I continue to inject you I can't wait to overdose you make me wish I was dead
Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Do you have any answers, does your life seem clear?
Have we been created to serve a specific purpose?
Or is it we are waiting for some reason to surface?
Sometimes it seems life is so hard
We put up walls to serve as a guard
Questioning yourself you can only ask 'why'
Will my life be like this until I die?
Will I always have to struggle and fight?
Making ends meet with money always tight
Violence and crime bring suffering and pain
Physically and mentally the stress is a strain
How is it we're even supposed to survive?
So many are living in a state of deprive
Life in this world seems cruel today
One way or another always a debt to pay
I question my existence 'Why am I here?'
I don't have any answers life isn't clear
30/03/2017
I've tried my very best
to be your loving wife,
be there when you needed me
but now, my days are filled with strife.
Sometimes I question my existence
why am I even on this world?
For years now, I've loved you
but, it's only hate you unfurl.
I know your back hurts
it seems like you blame me,
I did not do this to you
from your hate, I want to be free.
You say you don't hate me
but how do I know it's not a lie?
I can see the real truth
when I look into your eyes.
At times you confuse me so
I'm not saying I'm dumb,
one minute it's love, next anger
you leave me feeling numb.
I've tried my very best
to be the wife you want,
you say I'm not good enough for you
your hurtful words always haunt.
Copyright Cynthia Jones
Apr.29/2015
I was told, that I might not be the best looking thing, but I'm basically being pitied. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being bummed out and writing negative ****. Time to try to move onto something else...if I can.
In this world
I was born into
never once question my existence
for such trivial things are not up to me
I exist so therefor I am
what of destiny, what of purpose
for there is no cure for death
who are you to question for me ?
now your standing here with me
We feel, We breath , We see
with our dying breath
everything come into focus
Like peering to a looking glass reality begin to blur
a fractal of what once was
was your life worth living ?
for I have no answer , for I neither needed one
I felt , I breathed , I saw
for I had lived my life
In this world we were born into
I promise you is worth living
If you guys like this poem please check out my poetry blog that i started ! I created the blog to begin my Creative Journey ! I hope that you guys check it out and give me feedback ! at
acjtlpoetry.blogspot.com
The earth took back a part of herself today
It tore you from my heart and from my side
Particles of dust yes
Yet you were more
The atmosphere became thicker today
My lungs gasping
I find it difficult to breathe
Longing to suffocate yet I sustain
I question my existence
Part must be whole I say
Soon it shall be my dust
Torn asunder What then will I be
Fight against time
Struggle beat after beat
Hold on to hope
Til it too has gone
You speak not of me nor question my existence
You walk through life on the path of least resistance
Black sheep am I your name to you I shame
True loss I have known yet you take no blame
Your face now I would not recognize
Take no pride in this ask but neither should you sympathize
For my life and dreams have flourished
With my heart and love my children I have nourished
My gifts from heaven these boys have been
With time I have watched them grow into wonderful young men
Great treasures life has given me
Your daughter and her children you will never see
My father am I buried somewhere in your memory?
Doubtfully which does not surprise me
When your time on Earth has ended
This is one fence you will not have mended
Sadly one thing I am sure we will both share
Neither one of us will care
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