Puns Poems

Fun With Puns

My friend - I’ll call her Brandi -
asked where do you get all your candy?
I said you may find this hard to believe, 
but I always keep a few Twix up my sleeve.

I read about buccaneers in history books, 
And I thought where did pirates get their hooks?
Later, while researching various folklores,
The answer came to

Haikus on humour - I

Where is mystery
On how Moses makes his tea?
We know, Hebrews it.

It won’t surprise me
If a cartoonist’s found dead 
And clues are sketchy.

I catch it the least
That gossamer lovely beast,
Love still if I mist.

My blood report O
When showed it was type-A blood,
Oh, it was Typo. 

I stayed up all night
To trace on Sun’s nightlong flight,
Then it

Riddles

Riddles
Riddle me this Batman:
what is the middle of a fat man?
Is there anything clean
about a garbage can?
If two can dance
can Toucan Sam?
Is beige the same as ecru or tan?
Why
-does it come between ex and zee?
Is the alphabet
a good bet,
or is beta better?
Are you meant to sweat
when you wear a sweater?
Or for that matter
pant in pants?
Or

Punctilious Puns

I was a happy, fluent linguist, fruitfully helping revive endangered languages,
As colorful rainbows walk across the sky, in buttery hours, turned languorous.

I enjoyed doing practical fieldwork, and establishing useful literary programs,
As the honeysuckle sun loves to found days, in silver and gold time, so grand.

Verbal interactions were very rewarding, like a dawn purple martin serenade,
As

The Pun Fun In Funeral With a Little Onion Breath

In prepping for a funeral 
The family gathered in the hall
They sat there all mourning
Even though it was nightfall

He had eaten lots of vegetables
Yet, he passed on in his suite
Must have still had too much sugar 
And not enough heart beets

A farmer by trade, he grew 
Not just beets but onions too
When he passed, they

Puns X2

Most people are shocked when they find out 
how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed
with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!

I used to think I was indecisive.
But now I’m not so sure.

Light travels faster than sound,
which is the reason that some people appear 
bright before you hear

The Puns Just Keep Coming

Here's a giggle are you ready for this
Better sit down I'd say
Why do psychics ask for your name
Maybe it's a game they play

Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever
But still got a ways to go
I'm certainly not worried, no not me
Feel good right down to my toes

Hardness of butter is quite proportionate
To the softness of the

Snickety

How much for a snickety?
That's 25 cents persnickety.
Great, I'll take three.

Puny Puns of Word Play

My puns are not too punny.
They are puny -
so itty-bitty that they have no bite-y.
Like tiny turtles with no turtle necks
or like selfish shellfish
offering no worthy catch,
what good are they when they’re so poor?
My puns – they haven’t got
a piss to pot in!

I hate luch slack of imagination – and
my spoonerisms that aren’t worth
the dime

Bluebells Are a Ringin'

Bluebells are a ringin' and springin' up like kites.
Thyme is rustling along, glimpsing at dazzling sights.

Fox tails are a wagin' in the breeze, zig-zagin',
strutting their charisma, to be petted beggin'.

Roses are perfuming, famous scent resuming,
competing with nearby lilac flowers blooming.

Be still, my bleeding heart, absorb these works of art.
Listen to the thistle, performing like Mozart.

Healing

The Twelve Puns of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
Take Advent age of Xmas countdown

On the second day of Christmas
Holly was a thorn in the side

On the third day of Christmas
Ivy was a real creep

On the fourth day of Christmas
They got a frosty reception

On the fifth day of Christmas
Three wise men proclaimed it was crackers

On the sixth day of

Fun With Puns

Fun With Puns*


A shepherd and his sheep once took
A shortcut across a frozen brook
The owner charged a very high price
For pulling the wool over his ice

I didn't know if I were a wigwam or tepee
So I was really depressed and sort of weepy
Then a psychiatrist with very good sense
Explained I was just a couple of

Two Puns

one wearing his homophone                                                   

On To Jokes and Puns

No more poems about poops and bums
Worn them right out, on to jokes and puns
Know what MNDI stands fer
Stands for your MIND out of order
Got bunches of silly groaners to post by the ton


© Jack Ellison 2015

The Puns Just Keep Coming

Here'a giggle are you ready for this
Better sit down I'd say
Why do psychics ask you your name
Maybe it's a game they play

Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever
But still got a ways to go
I'm certainly not worried, no not me
Feel good right down to my toes

Hardness of butter is really proportional
Directly to how soft the bread

• Short Puns Poems
• Famous Puns Poems
• Best Puns Poems
• Read Puns Poems
• Long Puns Poems
• Puns Quotes