Puns Poems - Poems about Puns

My friend - I’ll call her Brandi - asked where do you get all your candy? I said you may find this hard to believe, but I always keep a few Twix up my sleeve. I read about buccaneers in history books, And I thought where did pirates get their hooks? Later, while researching various folklores, The answer came to...

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Where is mystery On how Moses makes his tea? We know, Hebrews it. It won’t surprise me If a cartoonist’s found dead And clues are sketchy. I catch it the least That gossamer lovely beast, Love still if I mist. My blood report O When showed it was type-A blood, Oh, it was Typo. I stayed up all night To trace on Sun’s nightlong flight, Then it...

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Riddles Riddle me this Batman: what is the middle of a fat man? Is there anything clean about a garbage can? If two can dance can Toucan Sam? Is beige the same as ecru or tan? Why -does it come between ex and zee? Is the alphabet a good bet, or is beta better? Are you meant to sweat when you wear a sweater? Or for that matter pant in pants? Or...

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I was a happy, fluent linguist, fruitfully helping revive endangered languages, As colorful rainbows walk across the sky, in buttery hours, turned languorous. I enjoyed doing practical fieldwork, and establishing useful literary programs, As the honeysuckle sun loves to found days, in silver and gold time, so grand. Verbal interactions were very rewarding, like a dawn purple martin serenade, As...

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In prepping for a funeral The family gathered in the hall They sat there all mourning Even though it was nightfall He had eaten lots of vegetables Yet, he passed on in his suite Must have still had too much sugar And not enough heart beets A farmer by trade, he grew Not just beets but onions too When he passed, they...

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Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling! I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure. Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear...

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Here's a giggle are you ready for this Better sit down I'd say Why do psychics ask for your name Maybe it's a game they play Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever But still got a ways to go I'm certainly not worried, no not me Feel good right down to my toes Hardness of butter is quite proportionate To the softness of the...

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How much for a snickety? That's 25 cents persnickety. Great, I'll take three....

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My puns are not too punny. They are puny - so itty-bitty that they have no bite-y. Like tiny turtles with no turtle necks or like selfish shellfish offering no worthy catch, what good are they when they’re so poor? My puns – they haven’t got a piss to pot in! I hate luch slack of imagination – and my spoonerisms that aren’t worth the dime...

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Bluebells are a ringin' and springin' up like kites. Thyme is rustling along, glimpsing at dazzling sights. Fox tails are a wagin' in the breeze, zig-zagin', strutting their charisma, to be petted beggin'. Roses are perfuming, famous scent resuming, competing with nearby lilac flowers blooming. Be still, my bleeding heart, absorb these works of art. Listen to the thistle, performing like Mozart. Healing...

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On the first day of Christmas Take Advent age of Xmas countdown On the second day of Christmas Holly was a thorn in the side On the third day of Christmas Ivy was a real creep On the fourth day of Christmas They got a frosty reception On the fifth day of Christmas Three wise men proclaimed it was crackers On the sixth day of...

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Fun With Puns* A shepherd and his sheep once took A shortcut across a frozen brook The owner charged a very high price For pulling the wool over his ice I didn't know if I were a wigwam or tepee So I was really depressed and sort of weepy Then a psychiatrist with very good sense Explained I was just a couple of...

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one wearing his homophone ...

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No more poems about poops and bums Worn them right out, on to jokes and puns Know what MNDI stands fer Stands for your MIND out of order Got bunches of silly groaners to post by the ton © Jack Ellison 2015...

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Here'a giggle are you ready for this Better sit down I'd say Why do psychics ask you your name Maybe it's a game they play Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever But still got a ways to go I'm certainly not worried, no not me Feel good right down to my toes Hardness of butter is really proportional Directly to how soft the bread...

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