Long Puns Poems
Long Puns Poems. Below are the most popular long Puns by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Puns poems by poem length and keyword.
The astrolabe – how it depresses me!
The thing’s too perfect, no room left to grow.
Repeat, refine, reduce – a legacy
from which no vital spring can ever flow.
The thing’s too perfect! No room left to grow,
no seas to sail. The time is out of joint.
We made it our religion just to know,
but failed to think we’d reached this nadir-point.
No seas to sail. The time is out of joint!
We once sought distant moons and unknown suns,
but failed. To think – we’ve reached this nadir-point!
The Sultan’s poet plays around with puns.
We once sought distant moons and unknown suns,
while shallowness possessed us, unawares.
The Sultan’s poet plays around with puns,
as modern aesthetes shape the harem stairs.
While shallowness possessed us, unawares,
Venetian warships anchored off the coast.
As modern aesthetes shape the harem stairs,
the fortune-tellers fail to spot, engrossed,
the palace guards, abandoning their post.
Repeat, refine, reduce – a legacy
that stultified a people. Yet we boast
the astrolabe. How it depresses me!
Varying tactics to deftest tongues,
I find it a futile taxing of tired lungs;
She hears finer tropes with disdain,
And loves lips that deal daring pain.
For fibs she sworn truths exchanged;
At once dazzled by such fiddly verbs
As paint fabled shades of gilded gold,
And cozy castles agleam in airy hubs.
When I say our love shall solidly dwell
Upon fidelity's firm bed of pure candor,
Smooth-tipped rivals juicier idioms tell
Of better treats and fairy Idylls grander.
To blur by guiles and gimmicks worse
Pledged long kiss on meadows green,
Feisty adversaries yet shameless vow
To garnish her with blues' fairest stars.
She in wind-chasing fantasies shuns
Her sincere love to fall for fizzy puns.
Speak with clear voice, speak with sure grace;
Pick a bold cause, pick a fine norm;
Expound a poise, expound a face;
Charm fits each pause, charm puns grand form;
Incite fond heart, incite wise mind;
Align warm feel, align right play;
Love what you start, love what you find;
Soul works goodwill, soul words array;
Choice starts the flow, choice fills the need;
Reap what you sow, reap what you know;
Imprint bright glow, imprint prompt feed;
Plant joy that grows, plant poise that sows;
Trust in the truth, trust in love's sphere,
See ample proof, see beauty here.
Leon Enriquez
04 September 2014
Singapore
Most people are shocked when they find out
how bad I am as an electrician.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed
with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!
I used to think I was indecisive.
But now I’m not so sure.
Light travels faster than sound,
which is the reason that some people appear
bright before you hear them speak.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation
for revenge. We’ll see about that.
A termite walks into the bar and asks,
‘Is the bar tender here?’
I always take life with a grain of salt.
And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
I don’t suffer from insanity... I enjoy
every minute of it.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you;
but it’s still on my list.
Today a man knocked on my door
and asked for a small donation toward the local
swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line two
who says he’s invisible.’‘Well, tell him
I can’t see him right now.
Last night my girlfriend was complaining
that I never listen to her or something like that.
People who take care of chickens
are literally chicken tenders.
What’s a frog’s favourite type of shoes?
Open toad sandals.
Blunt pencils are really pointless.
Two wifi engineers got married.
The reception was fantastic.
One of the cows didn’t produce milk today.
It was udder familiar
If attacked by a mob of clowns
go for the juggler.
The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
Pollen is what happens when flowers
can’t keep it in their plants.
A book fell on my head the other day.
I only have my shelf to blame though.
When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet,
they gave him the cold shoulder.
A blind man walked into a bar… and a table…
and a chair…
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
The other members of the group would tease Lambent Shroud.
They’d speak in groans n puns too.
You’d sense lambent was a little uncomfortable with it all.
The other members of this amazing group were all tall, had numerous quirks, and spoke with crystal clear clarity.
They stood out even when alone.
Their high IQ, articulacy, and physical presence were obvious requirements for this enterprise.
They were constantly with each other hatching plans.
But Lambent may have had a begrudging “one who leads” complex.
But was the cordiality apparent and only for appearances?
Team leader Renee is Hazy and Albert is Rainbow.
The brain sessions were more often than not impromptu.
Hazy, Halcyon and Amber would seem like cerebral archers the way they bounced informal sessions off each other.
The other pairs, bright spark subgroups would have these on the spot conventions.
“Sparks would fly.
High IQ flashes sky high.
We never ever say die.”
Eerie notion, pie in the sky.”
The smart seven chipping in one by one generating a certain heat.
Even fleeting cabals.
Their brain cliques they nicknamed “Bouncers,”
Or “Pools.”
“Blessing and a boon. Under a shimmering moon. You’ll be lifting trophies soon.”
Lambent the awkward rhymer.
Wonder world had a strained crease on his face.
“Crackpot scheme, halbaked dream, eccentric team.”
In reply.
And so the banter used to go until someone ran out of ripostes.
There were daily meetings also on security updates devised by the team.
But there was much nod and wink, subterfuge.
Amber Leaf the accountant controlled the cash flow, dividends, “watertight insurance,” wages, general outlay.
But one got the impression that there was something afoot.
Amber and sylvan nudged;
“Should we rhyme as we speak or maybe tweak til next week.
Isn’t Lambent leaning a lot on his Shadow.
The Alter Ego.”
Who is this Shadow to begin with Amber asked?
An umbrella term
It’s funny how things that used to be funny,
Aren’t allowed to be funny no more,
What was once a joke that heralded laughter,
Now seems to set off a small war.
Jokes about blondes, Irish and mum’s,
Jokes about folks that you knew,
Got replaced with: PMS jokes aren’t funny….. Period! or
I hate peer pressure, you should too.
To be fair these new puns, with double entendre,
Are funny when said in a crowd,
It’s funny how this Funny replaced the old Funny,
Funny how we are laughing out loud.
Written on 4th August 2017 but not for any contest. This is the only contest this write has been put into. Thought this might suit the contest for Maria Williams "I started a joke"
I watched a prompting feature by a dynamic actor,
his life seemed vivacious with an ardent factor;
today I heard he'd hanged himself to an annulled death,
deserted fears overpowered zeal in his last breath.
I read an exuberant story by a young wizard of words,
he weaved a mystical world of magical unbound birds;
today I read he'd poisoned himself desolate in bed,
forsaken wounds hidden in his entranced utopia bled.
I lulled to sleep listening to a soothing old song,
the vocalist hummed a hopeful melody of spirits strong;
today I found he'd killed himself in a forgotten car crash,
derelict ruins of his past made his symphony backlash.
I wondered why remarkable people succumb to pain,
until I witnessed a neglected neighbor cry amid rain;
he has always been bounteous to those he greets,
with bubbling rhapsodies of witty puns he treats.
I remembered the times I've been withdrawn, glum,
reverberating void rejected flickers of hope so numb;
in times like those my stranded ship found a shore,
when I turned my disowned courage to a meek roar.
While lost souls bask in shimmers of uplifting drops in rays,
their suspended cobwebs in dark alleys lit by smiles in haze;
I wish we hold marooned hands to keep walking ahead,
my unnoticed neighbor gleams with healing tears shed.
*Poet's Note: A promising artist hanged himself to death today which led me to ponder upon something I have felt. I've always witnessed great uplifting souls(even commoners) to bid goodbye to this world when the last drop of their courage evaporated. Most of the people mask their pain behind their courageous, upfront, cheerful selves publicly. The world needs more love, hope and blessings to let people notice and understand each other because every single human being experiences depression at some point in life. It is none but we who can be the guiding light to each other. This year has been a test of faith already. Let's help ourselves and others to heal the souls.*
June 14, 2020
Thesaurus - Abandon or Abandoned Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Constance(Dear Heart)
~Winner: First Place
If all writing is, indeed, a mere ruse,
Why do I need an inspirational muse,
or editor my syntax to masseuse
Mind's eye is vapid and obtuse;
My brain is calling an immediate truce
Inane pretenses no longer refuse,
and with sixth sense consciously fuse
Mundane fare is now abstruse;
Morose wit critics dare not abuse,
or for lack of purpose, design accuse
Metaphors, metonymies tightly noose;
Colloquial sayings, truisms freely infuse
Slang terms, archaic words out of use,
In remediated discourse common, diffuse
Choppy meter, bland rhyme schemes choose;
No rhythmic patterns, contrived forms to confuse
Do not need with limericks, riddles to bemuse;
Trite puns, silly jabs will laughter's tonic effuse
alternately titled: incorrigible lottery dreamer
big plans to relocate self and spouse
to some tropical island paradise
by the dashboard light
(the above line credited
to musician named Meatloaf)
upon arrival of my steamer.
A fool's errand finds me emptying out billfold,
especially as the winnings increase ninefold.
Paradise visage and eyes a bulge with dollar signs
whets imagination with Mega Millions ticket bought
for potential wealth overtakes rational self
with delusions of grandeur caught
allow, enable and provide flirtation
with fate to experience rich draught
envision emancipation proclamation
from penury a distant battle fought
expect the usual outcome
after next drawing to yield monetary naught
temptation for instant millions eagerly sought
human foible to reach until life lesson taut
for elusive pot of riches
streak of universal desire
and tacked clear of shoals,
where hard scrapple existence wrought.
This poor man's pipe dream
nsync with the milkmaid and her pail
where fanciful notions pluck me out
being day late and dollar short
essentially pennilessness in the extreme
story of mein kampf fortune teller
also known as Zoltar speaks machine
said contraption did foredeem
substantiated, kickstarted, corroborated...
courtesy an archenemy Joaquim
(fiend nixed) and his tall sidekick Kareem
both rogues could shine figurative longerbeam
and discern mine ill fate.
Meanwhile creative endeavors
and linguistic pleasure
thru the literary attempt
suitably with poetic third eye blind
palliative, yet less rewarding versus
garnering large sum of money
would be a dog send
delivered by one blessed angel in disguise
redemption and salvation
considered thankful find
with challenges or commiserate
and complement via words of positive kind
feeble attempt where words synchronize
readers may espy hidden puns
(and divine inspiration - ha)
within this rhyme lined
to pry poem or prose from mind
deliberate semblance to communicate
and extract idea from cranial rind
analogous how stitcher doth tightly wind
a tapestry of rich and royal hue
while twittering and tweeting
“better luck next time.”
On the first day of Christmas
Take Advent age of Xmas countdown
On the second day of Christmas
Holly was a thorn in the side
On the third day of Christmas
Ivy was a real creep
On the fourth day of Christmas
They got a frosty reception
On the fifth day of Christmas
Three wise men proclaimed it was crackers
On the sixth day of Christmas
Who is Mary Christmas? Why Carol’s cousin of course
On the seventh day of Christmas
Yule be getting excited – it’s Claus and effect
On the eighth day of Christmas
All presents present but bah humbugs in Christmas stockings
On the ninth day of Christmas
You snow it won’t reindeer on Christmas day
On the tenth day of Christmas
Time for silent night so sleigh bells
On the eleventh day of Christmas
Coffee-loving Prancer and Dancer are Santa’s Starbucks
On the twelfth day of Christmas
Let’s eat cold turkey and peas on earth
Ho Ho Ho!