Best Puns Poems

Fun With Puns*


A shepherd and his sheep once took
A shortcut across a frozen brook
The owner charged a very high price
For pulling the wool over his ice

I didn't know if I were a wigwam or tepee
So I was really depressed and sort of weepy
Then a psychiatrist...

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I was a happy, fluent linguist, fruitfully helping revive endangered languages,
As colorful rainbows walk across the sky, in buttery hours, turned languorous.

I enjoyed doing practical fieldwork, and establishing useful literary programs,
As the honeysuckle sun loves to found days, in silver and gold time, so grand.

Verbal...

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SUFFIX   -  PREFIX    PUNS


Mispronounce inter-family  relationships   *
And we  bury the family   -  its security slips:
Anti -freeze  divorced  Uncle freeze  at last,
After yesterday’s weather fore-cast, (maybe an aft-cast?)
She married an...

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one wearing his homophone                                         ...

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No more poems about poops and bums
Worn them right out, on to jokes and puns
Know what MNDI stands fer
Stands for your MIND out of order
Got bunches of silly groaners to post by the ton


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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Been writing some “not so fun” poems lately
Time to get back to the silly stuff
No matter what we do, nuttin's gonna change
Bad stuff, we've heard quite enough

D'ya hear the one about this unfortunate fellow
Whose whole left side was cut off
Sure sounds to me like an...

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Here'a giggle are you ready for this
Better sit down I'd say
Why do psychics ask you your name
Maybe it's a game they play

Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever
But still got a ways to go
I'm certainly not worried, no not me
Feel good right down to my toes

Hardness...

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On the first day of Christmas
Take Advent age of Xmas countdown

On the second day of Christmas
Holly was a thorn in the side

On the third day of Christmas
Ivy was a real creep

On the fourth day of Christmas
They got a frosty reception

On the fifth day of Christmas
Three...

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My puns are not too punny.
They are puny -
so itty-bitty that they have no bite-y.
Like tiny turtles with no turtle necks
or like selfish shellfish
offering no worthy catch,
what good are they when they’re so poor?
My puns – they haven’t got
a piss to pot in!

I hate luch...

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Most people are shocked when they find out 
how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed
with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!

I used to think I was indecisive.
But now I’m not so sure.

Light travels faster than sound,
which is...

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Here's a giggle are you ready for this
Better sit down I'd say
Why do psychics ask for your name
Maybe it's a game they play

Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever
But still got a ways to go
I'm certainly not worried, no not me
Feel good right down to my...

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Bluebells are a ringin' and springin' up like kites.
Thyme is rustling along, glimpsing at dazzling sights.

Fox tails are a wagin' in the breeze, zig-zagin',
strutting their charisma, to be petted beggin'.

Roses are perfuming, famous scent resuming,
competing with nearby lilac flowers blooming.

Be still, my bleeding heart, absorb...

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Where is mystery
On how Moses makes his tea?
We know, Hebrews it.

It won’t surprise me
If a cartoonist’s found dead 
And clues are sketchy.

I catch it the least
That gossamer lovely beast,
Love still if I mist.

My blood report O
When showed it was type-A blood,
Oh, it was Typo. 

I...

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In prepping for a funeral 
The family gathered in the hall
They sat there all mourning
Even though it was nightfall

He had eaten lots of vegetables
Yet, he passed on in his suite
Must have still had too much sugar 
And not enough heart beets

A farmer by trade, he...

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How much for a snickety?
That's 25 cents persnickety.
Great, I'll take three....

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