I don't choose the muse
the muse chooses me
and when she appears
between my ears
I adopt the writer's role
and follow her
down the rabbit hole
never knowing
what I may find
is on my mind
but in time if I'm content
when penning punny poetry
with what passes for a poem
then it's good enough for me
With apologies to Lewis Carroll (1832 – 1898)
I have an old friend who enjoys a good pun,
a play on words that's both humorous and fun.
I've known her for many years. Her name is Joan,
and it's rather fitting that her name rhymes with "groan".
FUNNY CANNY PUNNY
The great guy Punny
makes fun, yet funny.
Witty and canny.
Spontaneous laugh
much more than enough,
serious on bluff.
Jokes not to explain
Pun doesn’t go in vain,
but to entertain.
Humours to be spun,
not grave ! Cheerful pun.
Real joyous fun.
Sure to feel sick,
true meaning to seek !
Punny the guy descent
Actually absent
on own wedding date.
To bride, he didn’t pay debt.
03/04/23
Was going to look for my missing watch
But just couldn't find the time
Simply no telling where my mind is going
This very strange mind of mine
Here's an ultimate groaner, my friends
I used to be a good tap dancer
But then one sad day I fell in the sink
Asked how I was, couldn't answer
D'ya hear about the crime that happened
In a downtown parking garage?
It was so damn wrong on so many levels
Heard it was a case of sabotage
With the scary approach of the apocalypse
Armageddon out of here
That's silly, whoever's coming up with these
Is more than just a little bit weird
A man had a difficult time bouncing back
From a serious bungee cord accident
Been to the dentist and I know the drill
Tells me toothaches you can prevent
Reading a great book about anti-gravity
Find it almost impossible to put down
It's floating around the living room all day
One time it bonked me on my crown
Dead batteries are sometimes given away
Free of charge I've heard
Think someones's trying to brighten my day
Now that is downright absurd
The little old woman who lived in a shoe
Wasn't the SOLE owner
Apparently there were strings attached
Wow that was a real groaner
I have never been a big fan of archery
Too many DRAWBACKS, for me
Rookie pirates make terrible singers
Can't really hit the HIGH SEAS
For plumbers a flush sure beats a FULL HOUSE
And I'm not talking poker here
Have you heard about that origami store
The damn thing FOLDED it appears
In a room where the curtains were DRAWN
The rest of the furniture was real
“Love” means ZERO to tennis players
That didn't have a lot appeal
The butcher backed into the meat grinder
And got a little BEHIND in his work
Heard it before but it's one of the good ones
Let's celebrate and pop the cork
Do you know the real definition of a will
It's a DEAD giveaway
Here's a giggle are you ready for this
Better sit down I'd say
Why do psychics ask for your name
Maybe it's a game they play
Gotta tell ya, gonna live forever
But still got a ways to go
I'm certainly not worried, no not me
Feel good right down to my toes
Hardness of butter is quite proportionate
To the softness of the bread it is
But with toast you have a fighting chance
Will be testing you later in a quiz
What if you get scared half to death twice
Gonna leave that one alone
What’s a cat’s favorite Shakespeare quote
“Tabby or not tabby? That's the question
Death is most definitely a hereditary thing
How many still have parents living
What do you feed an invisible cat?
Evaporated milk which takes much cattility
A dear friend of mine is so optimistic
Bought a burial suit with 2 pairs of pants
Until we know exactly where we're going
Why should we take the chance
You laugh because I'm a little bit different
I laughed coz I just let one go
One of my better ones I gotta tell ya
A joyous expulsion to behold
What would you call the young hatchling, for fun,
Of a buzzard crossed with a flamingo?
The answer is moot ’cause it couldn’t be done,
So the joke is on you: Buzzingo!
---
(For the Buzzards and Flamingos contest sponsored by Anthony Slausin.)
Explanation, for those who might need it:
Sheldon Cooper is the nerdy character on the TV sitcom "The Big Bang Theory" who popularized using the word "Bazinga!" to signify you've played a joke on someone. So, yeah, this poem is pretty much only for people who enjoy a pun-induced groan. :-)
The Higgs observation just ran up the score on
Mere mortals who can’t understand what it shows; on
Attempting, I feel like both bozo and moron,
Which makes me relieved that they call it the boson.
I know it’s shocking, and you’ll be like “Watt!?” but it’s true and i’m ex-static and you should be too. Light it sink in Faraday or two, don’t be so direct for there are alternative views. Let’s charge towards a higher current, and flow with The Field. Ohm not relatively speaking, we have to heal so wave goodbye to those conditions and give them no further energy, electrify your life transcending entropy. conduct the truth like a Tesla coil, resistance is futile, striking down from the divine- if you only knew the magnificence of 3, 6, and 9. It won’t divert, or subvert to the outskirts, the truth Herz. Once you understand the gravity of the situation you’ll transform your habituation to one of productivity, synchronicity and synergy. No re-Morse or regrets, peace be with you for infinity.
© Copyright Ash Grimshaw 2017. All Rights Reserved.
It is a wonder what the mind can come up with....
Me and my friend Mary from school,
sat at the table with all of our tools.
These boys walked up and started to chat,
and me and Mary learned about their bats..
And how playing with their baseballs was cool.
They talked of twigs and berries,
of innocent secrets they carried,
about experiences in sport camp.
And in the light of a lamp,
i giggled to myself and Mary.
They had no idea what was done,
how much they provided for puns,
Mary and I were dying,
stories of spelunking and mining,
and how their pet snake weighed a ton.
I couldn't hold myself back for much more,
trapped words inside made me sore,
so i opened my mouth,
and prepared to shout out..
And THEN I opened THAT innapropriate door
Thought up on 6/17/2015 for a contest on this website, hope you enjoy!
Was going to look for my missing watch
But just couldn't find the time
Simply no telling where my mind is going
This very strange mind of mine
Here's the ultimate groaner, my friends
I used to be a good tap dancer
But then one sad day I fell in the sink
Asked how I was, couldn't answer
D'ya hear about the crime that happened
In a downtown parking garage?
It was so damn wrong on so many levels
Heard it was a case of sabotage
With the scary approach of the apocalypse
Armageddon out of here
That's silly, whoever's coming up with these
Is more than just a little bit weird
A man had a difficult time bouncing back
From a serious bungee cord accident
Been to the dentist and I know the drill
Tells me toothaches you can prevent
Reading a great book about anti-gravity
Find it almost impossible to put down
It's floating around the living room all day
One time it nearly broke my crown
Dead batteries are sometimes given away
Free of charge I have heard
Think someones's trying to brighten my day
Now that is downright absurd
© Jack Ellison 2013
The little old woman who lived in a shoe
Wasn't the sole owner
Apparently there were strings attached
Wow that was a real groaner
I have never been a big fan of archery
Too many drawbacks, for me
Rookie pirates make terrible singers
Can't really hit the high seas
For plumbers a flush sure beats a full house
And I'm not talking poker here
Have you heard about that origami store
The damn thing folded it appears
In a room where the curtains were drawn
The rest of the furniture was real
Love means nothing to tennis players
Doesn't have a lot of appeal
The butcher backed into the meat grinder
And got a little behind in his work
Heard it before but it's one of the good ones
Let's celebrate and pop the cork
Do you know the real definition of a will
It's a dead giveaway
... grrrrooooaaaannnn
© Jack Ellison 2013
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