Long Wheaties Poems

My stepdad’s name was Eldon, but his best friends called him Jake.
“Missoura” born, he loved guy  things like fishing on a lake.
He’d gone into the Navy after having grown up poor
and then got shipped...

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9/8/16


Are you a Mac user or PC?

Do you prefer Justin's or Reese's?

A few times, I saw the movie "E.T."
And I once slept in a teepee

Shouldn't be sleazy
Or greedy

Got to get after it daily, weekly
Monthly and...

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Bruce Jenner, Wheaties Winner

Can you imagine Bruce Jenner being a Wheaties winner
Becoming a women wanting to be much thinner
With quite a fine, attractive, adorable face
Wearing dress, high heels and blouse with lace. 

What is world...

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Where are my old white corsets
  Right next to your candy cigarettes

Hey! We didn't get today's edition of 'Grit'
  It's canceled. They use bad words now like 'Guck' and 'Spit'

Oh, and I can't...

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Cereal Killer

The story of his life
a made for TV thriller.
Title in blood red
life of a cereal killer.

He don’t want no fried eggs
or peanut butter toast.
He killed a box of grape nuts once
but he don’t like...

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Now I’m not a guy likes to dunk,
But this overseas backboard is junk.
For the costs I’ve incurred,
I should beat Larry Byrd,
Or hit a three-pointer, I’d thunk.

See, the front of the rim always droops,
And that makes...

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cereal, great when you're in a hurry
and know ya gotta eat...
open up the cupboard
to chose your morning treat,

Capt. Crunch? nah, too much hard gristle,
Fruit Loops? nah, the colors make me dizzy
Grape Nut Flakes? yah gotta'...

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If I go a whole day without my Wheaties
I'm miserable, grumpy and mean
My Wheaties are really the only thing
Between me and a very bad scene

Beat up little kiddies but they must be little
Like two or...

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I just won a medal
I wasn’t in a war
I think it’s made of gold
I don’t know what it’s for.

I’m shocked at what it weighs.
They threw me a parade
I got an honorary degree
Jimmy Fallon had me...

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Wearing Great Smelling Deodorant

From Trump each and every word
We heard from him was totally absurd
After hearing him came to conclusion
Was optical illusion in mental institution.

With what he wore would try to impress
And also occasionally he...

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Broken TV Revelations 

Alone, countless ancient uncles
linger in confessional apartments—
stare into virgin wombs
of empty TV screens, reciting 
lines from old John Wayne movies.

They know the words
like pearls cast -- sip communion coffee, 
swallow mute manna...

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At sixty I was saying I’m not forty any more.
Muscle doesn’t come from a magic wand.
You have to work hard, for there’s no store,
to purchase muscle, only atrophy is beyond.  

Now at seventy four,...

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Some days I have a Wheaties breakfast 
With strawberries and milk; I love the way it turns pink.
Other days I am in a hot warm cupcake sort of mood.
I warm one up in the microwave...

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As white as the driven snow.
Coming back from a lot.
Chosen to be around.
Bubbly baking soda, region of snow.

Playgirl bunny, lil playboy star.
Than again too much confetti.
Black lives matter to the confederates.
Bedazzled diamond cut.
Coma snow white...

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