Long Weiner Poems

FICTIONAL BIO:

The missus asked me
(hitherto known as her bozo)
just mere moments ago
to craft humorous poem to glow
nsync with the shiny nose of Rudolph
keeping syncopated metrical flow
thus methought to crow
about being equally as foolish
streaking naked outside...

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To Kill a Wild Rabbit - FICTION

The small winding valley was cold and dank.
Nothing stirred as darkness descended quickly.
Dusk brought an ominous cloud of evil fog 
that, like a black shroud, spread itself over the...

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We Are Who We Are

We are the HFB
All my crazy and loving friends and me,
Everyday I try to relax and chill
And share my day and chat with Jill,
When I’m really down and feeling lowly
My best...

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I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner....cause then I'd be in somebody's buns.

"I shall return!" I said to my last wife, last time I saw her in 1989.  McArthur I isn't!

Why are women...

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The Answer to All Problems

By Elton Camp

There’s no concern you can tell
That’s not solvable from e-mail
Blood pressure running too high?
Here’s a remedy you should try

Cholesterol more than it should be?
Then this herb is the solution,...

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Transmit transpire anti social copious methods of blank balled fissures of disastrous mistruths on the border of hell raiser dispatch piss filled like rats on a stinking/sinking ship, inbred senate cowardice akin to the O.K....

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Queen Hillary's election to the presidency seems a foregone conclusion,
Brought about by back-room deals, magical tricks and considerable illusion.
I thought I'd offer suggestions for her cabinet officers (as if she cared),
To surround herself with top-notch...

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My somewhat outsize ears and longish neck 
(I swear exist, which contrary to popular myth 
never seen by living persons) support this egg shaped 
(fried or scrambled some might argue) head.

A mostly flat and hairless...

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Here is something to brighten up your day.
Our technology is great, like twitter and what people say.
When celebrities tweet and prove they are a little slow in the head.
 “Why do people take pics of...

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good ol' gibbs

good ol’ staff sergeant calvin gibbs
(whose dick just wasn’t big enough at home,
who couldn’t make it bigger with a big truck or a large
stereo like the other boys),
tried to compensate for it by...

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“Karlsruhe Hbf”

A man wore a bib on the outside of his down jacket
at Weiner Feinbacher.
Struedel doesn’t drip.
Poinsettias from Blumen leaving on the next train,
maybe from the same platform where 
945 Jews departed.
Citizens unwillingly embarked. 
The...

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Hey boy it's the 4th come over & hang
We can celebrate go out with a bang! 

We can keep it casual just us two
CUZ baby you light my  sparklers fuze! 

I got ice cold...

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Each day it is get up before the sun, prepare the cart
Stock until it’s full and it is on with the day.
Mr. Johansson now has his work cut out for him
Selling dirty waters on the...

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You wake up one morning,
And what to your surprise?
You look down at the package,
Seems like it shrank in size!

You order this new product,
What else are you to do?
It's guaranteed to give you growth,
Perhaps an inch...

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They look for a patsy or a dweeb without orientation
Pointing their finger at the little guy
Try to make fun of him and cause much distress
They say:

HEY..GAY!!

And the name sticks around in your lifetime
Thinking to yourself:

YEAH!!...

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George Foreman is a friend of mine,
Of many times we chill.
Times together that we dine,
But not the man that you assign,
For George, he is a grill.

Of grills, he is the number one,
Which helps make meals...

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Smile At A Stranger
by Jeff Weiner

Smile At A Stranger
By Jeff Weiner

The world is only cold if you let it be
Sharing the warmth of our heart
Reaching out to give a hug
Will make a day bright,

A smile...

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Sharing My Life With You
By Jeff Weiner

I sit here content with my life
Though never producing children or a wife,
Many trials and troubles I have seen
Walking my way through inbetween,

With family standing strong by my side
Keeping...

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The Treasure of Love
by Jeff Weiner

The treasure of Love
By Jeff Weiner

The warrior searches the fields
Hiding from those who shall harm him,
The treasure he seeks is priceless
Chances of finding it seems slim,

Hate is looking along with...

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Gargoyles
By Jeff Weiner

Gargoyles perched upon the ledge
Watching the city by day,
Flying as protectors at night
Seen in motion by few they say,

If you are chosen as one
The story goes not well,
Its said that only the evil
See...

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Tasting The Flower
By Jeff Weiner

Such a pretty flower, smooth and sweet
Down on my knees I`m ready to eat,
Licking my lips, moistening for taste
Opportunities like this were not meant to waste,

The nectar flows down the chin
More...

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The Day You Said Hello To Me
By Jeff Weiner

You bring hope and sunshine into my life
The friendship and love unmeasurable,
Meeting was a blessing I treasure
Knowing you are there for me,

We bonded quite quickly 
Talks that...

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Confused
By Jeff Weiner

Does confusion set in or just get uncovered
Today I am lost but comfortable being there,
Brain spinning around with no intention to stop
Waiting for clarity to share,

With one step forward and two more back
Walking...

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Meeting My Dream Girl
By Jeff Weiner

Anticipating when we will meet
Tomorrow cant come soon enough,
Hoping that our dreams come true
Starting with that first touch,

The talks we had on the phone
Brought me so at ease,
Comfort I thought...

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Resume For Love
By Jeff Weiner

Tease and tease is how they play
When we react they stay away,
Love is not a game to me
Don’t play with feelings, let me be,

I seek a heart with true desire
Burning hot...

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