Long Potty Poems

Poem revised Memorial Day May 30th, 2022 at 1500 hours

Flagrante delict adulterous sordid behavior 
automatically linkedin with Lothario;
an unscrupulous seducer of women, 
based upon a character 
in The Impertinent Curious Man, 
a story within a...

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Flirt with Whitney
Flirt with fear 
Life is good
But I rather be anywhere but here
Body aches from pushing out tears
Driving on the road of life
Eyes is watery
So I can't steer 
And I'm getting dizzy 
Stomach very...

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Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time 
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks 
on porcelain throne id est 
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening
to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself...

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They called her Cookie at Animal Welfare, she had a white body with one black ear and a black spot on her upper butt. She had a friendly face and was 
pretty girl. Could not...

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She dresses the land down
in a virginal bridal gown 
a masterfully cut and sewn chenille 
shines brightly with a fine crystal appeal

Her assistants work quite diligently
to add special touches and then flee
they decorated the mountain peaks 
using all their...

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The remnants of August 2024 Hurricane Debbie

Like a humane huntress, she
(the anthropomorphized storm)
brought a spate of cool Autumn like
temperatures and gentle soothing rain
here within my neck of the woods
for the last couple of days.

No matter...

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I am playing with my dollies
And my princess pram all pink
I'm nearly 5
A big girl now
No more nappies
Or plastic pants
I think

I outgrew the potty
When I was only three
My mum says it's because I am brave
Now...

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BROKEN DOWN ANGELS

It disny seem that long ago
Toddling and having fun,
Crawling then walking along the floor 
And learning how tae run.

Potty trained and full eh life
They’d run you af yer feet,
A kiss on the cheek...

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Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable

which poetic product best be affixed 
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune...

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silently wailing analogy to Moby Dick 
regarding how yesterdays 
prurient laced introductions 
to rhyme in retrospect embarrassingly blows.

Herewith to enliven anecdote ever further,
I inject humorous tidbit
just gimme moment to unload and reach
into psychological metaphorical knapsack
particularly...

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100% Natural psyllium husk delivered solid ecstasy

As of late - I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found yours truly
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony

as if elephant or red (livid...

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New draft Zimbabwe’s 




Tribute Documentary Zimbabwe’s Forgotten Children


Mama will be left behind when I die
I’m too sick to survive
My education was put to an end
When papa had no more to spend
We walk over sewage water
And...

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Can I go to the bathroom? This place is full of jackasses. This place is full of jackasses jerking each other off. This place is full of ignorant, parochial, zit-sucking jackasses undeserving of their place...

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Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig...

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Open Plea

Lord, please forgive me, but the devil constantly tempts me. You gave me a body full of life, but at times, my soul feels empty. 


These demons are relentless. Life's a  and a...

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Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up one morning
To find you were still a child
So much energy jumping up and down upon your bed
So many wonders and thoughts swirling through your bed
No responsibilities
Just fun and...

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We're okay, okay?
God is awesome
I must-must pray 
I am - should I say this? - handsome
I have low self-esteem issues 
Nothing new...listening to my muses of blues
Without having any clues...
That I'm in the similar shoes...

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A Tribute to Jan Allison, I miss her on PS!


There's a sweet woman I know as Jan,
a valued member of the soup clan.
Her limericks are the best,
Poop humor above the rest!
Her long absence has been...

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Dozing before take-off. Patients etherized and unable,
Evening  spread into the distance
Silly solitaire cards spread on pull-down table. 
I  hate toves with  imagined importance
Giving direction to momeraths who do not need  it....

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It's sister dramatic verse is: The Entertainment Rating System.**

Because we have debased the word 'mother,'
by adding onto to it the F***Bomb!
Because we have debased both the words:
adult and maturity to also mean 
pornography!**

Because we have...

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I don’t have asbestos fingers and my blisters come from the garden
Toiling the soil and growing fine ingredients for such gourmet cuisine
Like ‘throw it all in the one pan dishes’ and crystal ball cooking galore
Never...

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It was just an ordinary maze of a day unlike so many others

An array of multitude hanging from intersections of fortune

Aberrations cul-de-sacs opposites shadows cautious anticipation

Tentative expectations inspiration expiration holding their breath

Tim was aware that...

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.....Mommy walks and Jamie toddles inside the BIGGEST plane. 
Jamie thought he was inside its belly. The storm roars outside. 
The thunder is loud inside the metal beastie. They sit. Lightening flashes. 
Jamie screams “No!”...

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Defecation clogged toilet bowl...
courtesy prescription laxative AMITIZA

and found (me) zee papa pooped out,
thus embarrassing communiqué I post,
a reasonably rhyming poetic shout
to air grievances
concerning outsize bowel movement
hoping (fat/slim chance)
Mike Rowe happens tubby about,
though shadow of doubt
he...

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The Kung Poo Master, he literally, lives the ancient art of Kung Poo.
He senses and knows, before you do, that’s there’s going to be a poo.
Living with depths of concentration: that we can truly, only...

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