Long Potty Poems
Long Potty Poems. Below are the most popular long Potty by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Potty poems by poem length and keyword.
Naughty, naughty, really naughty
Oh how I love being naughty
Gets everybody's shorts in a knot
When I write humour that's potty
Relax my friends, they're only words
Let's not get all high and mighty
We all partake in potty humour
With some of us it happens nightly
Helps the love play along quite nicely
Besides the searching and hunting
My palms are getting all sweaty now
Feel like bumping and thumping
This is becoming really quite naughty
The censors are gonna have a fit
They'll surely get a big kick out of it first
Then they'll ban it from the mix
But if perchance I get past the censors
Got a lot more to send your way
If the “word police” knock on my door
I'll say, “Engleez I no parlay”
© Jack Ellison 2013
outside, I usually I keep my stegosaurus Wild Willie hidden,
but if I shriek he comes at a gallop, feeling validated and bidden.
Police have come twice, called by my neighbor Sam, who is full of fright.
I laugh, asking who has ever seen a real dinosaur, right?
Willie cannot got to work with me, because I work at an elementary school.
They do not even allow pets, for fear they might sweat, potty, bite or drool.
He stays at home in his corner eating eggs and rice, watching Netflix.
His tail accidentally opens the curtains, which causes a real conflict.
I bring home eggs and rice, so Willie is totally content and clean.
He has a little poo pile out back, where his poos are used for flower sheen.
We have never had an argument or disagreed on anything remotely big.
Except he did have a hissy fit when I suggested adopting a pot-belly pig.
I used to be a "hottie"but now, I just go potty.
What on earth could be the matter with my ever shrinking bladder?
I hold no affection for my sun damaged complexion. Too many summers at the sea have caused barnacles to grow on me. Alas hoorah, horr ray, at least my
hair's not turning gray..My aging back is not that great and with these hips I negotiate, and try to keep stiffness at bay, just to face another day. I now write
a weekly "to do list", so things don't go awry, things I might miss..I think growing older really sucks, unless ofcourse one has big bucks and can afford those nips and tucks.
The time the children dread most is approaching.
They know the clock on the wall doesn't lie.
They might feign exhaustion, pretend to be busy,
But Mom can see through the ruse.
"Bedtime," she says. "You know the drill."
"Potty, then jammies, and bed," they reply.
Scampering off to fulfill these duties
Fearing the next words out of her mouth.
"Not so fast!" yells exasperated Mommy.
"You know what comes first!" They stop in their tracks.
"Prayers?" offers one. "Snacks?" hopes another
But deep down they know the truth:
It's time for The Clearing.
Clothes in the hallway...
Toys on the bed...
Left over dishes, plates, and cups on the table...
ALL must be cleared away!
No exceptions.
"You know the rules," Mom says. "Get clearing!"
9/10/2023
for The Clearing poetry contest
sponsored by Craig Cornish
Brother for sale.
I'll deliver him too.
I can send in the mail,
Wrapped in yellow or blue.
He's water potty-trained now,
But that can change in a day.
He'll be bundled with Oreos,
So he can eat on the way.
I can mail him by truck, car, or plane.
He's coming with stuff, his favorite toy train.
He's coming character-recommended, highly by me.
He's a pretty good brother, who is almost three.
We need him back when you get him trained.
We simply cannot seem to get through to his little brain.
That when he has to poop, hiding is no good.
Please train him to use the potty with solids, if you could.
Then send him back, to his crazy, loving home.
And this shall be the end of this tiny poem.
Get up and at ‘em be strong,
feeling I am reborn,
coming back and full on
like an atom bomb!
Expose their corruption
my life saw disruption
I’m putting right the wrong
from where I left off,
unsighted and lost,
but I’ve worked it now,
connect the dots,
going berserk (bloaw).
All I needed was understanding,
couldn’t tell, look potty and shot,
standing strong now, shouting all I’ve got.
Giving it back to cowards
for slander attack, you aint empowered,
and this ain’t back handers or slapped faces,
it’s baseball bats and collapsed in places,
metaphor, you fool,
I use words to tell all.
Remember me?
Obsessed with bringing me down,
made an enemy,
left me beaten on the ground,
it wasn’t the end of me,
by you my friend I’ll never be!!
You changed me and strained me,
left me mentally exhausted and drained,
controlling my reputation, like trolls,
shrinking opinions,
Satan spawn minions.
Strolling through life in the free,
silently proud of what you did to me,
living fearless, all clear,
wetting your pants when I reappear,
and I’ve no fear,
alive so all can hear,
survived to get here!!
I’ve so many angles to ring bells,
shake up made up minds in that hotel,
you contaminated them then, now they don’t care,
until one thought they have seems spare,
so they think back to yesteryear,
and suddenly link up as question marks appear,
as lost logic starts to become clear.
What I say will line up, ring alarms,
dislodge your corrupt,
I’m not out for physical harm or have you in a line up.
Telling my story, it’s written,
it’s just this,
come back biting poetic justice,
think I fight just fists,
I've wit and you're just twits.
Now I understand, I drop it move adjust flourish,
understand why I was discouraged,
putting truth on a perch, it ain’t perjury,
my story you got me personally.
and others won’t see the truth if they choose not,
but it’s there in view and now won’t move or be forgot,
so if people refuse they do as they do,
in time they may question clues and ask questions of you.
I’m done with it now anyway,
spoke and exposed,
my link to all this now disposed.
All I needed was to understand, now I do,
I’m a rose re-rose and roses grow,
with thorns that warn,
I’m done now, letting go.
And I’m feeling good too,
I’m living life, and I’m not you.
Once upon an outhouse dreary, while I strained there, lank and leery
of creatures scary down beneath the privy floor--
As my veins were close to popping, suddenly there came a whopping
rush of air, but nothing dropping, dropping from my nethers sore,
“'Tis but a sputter", I then mutter, “popping like the thunder's roar--
only this and nothing more!”
Ah, succinctly I remember - a distinctly warm September;
for bath tissue I dismember - an issue from the hardware store.
Eagerly I wish for passing - that which had been amassing
in my numbles far surpassing - any grumbles heretofore
A gassing foul and shameless to deplore
Nameless here for evermore
Then, methought the air grew smelly, perfumed from my askew belly
The fumes of fish stew from the deli, like the breath of Balthazor
“Wretch,” I cried, “as God hath bent me—by what devils hath he sent thee?
Respite – respite! No more! Some forthright output, I implore!
Purge, oh purge this burning urge I'm yearning for!”
Shall I potty... Nevermore?
With apologies to EAP.
My Cousin Chaos
What cousin incest I am my own chaos
too much unpredictable prediction not to be cosmic
comical maybe the anarchy the drive for comprehension
and so much honest serious hilarious enjoyment
I am related to myself brother in arms mind and legs
on the journey to what where and because of
which fallacious fragmentation reconstructed
polar posited complementing contradictions
She or he who searches seeks the clown jester uncertain certainty
father mother sibling offspring un-othering completion
takes domination pseudo-science’s conjectures
concatenating refutations of the blinding path and vision
The butterfly who flaps the wings the roots to fly
propels the grounded theories of places times
in foresight hindsight blind-sight sentinel sensation
full of telling meaning narrative enlivened imperceptibility
Embraces cuddles rejects rejection rediscovers lost
and lonely loving horizontal longitude the lateral
collateral imprisonment of iron cages rational irrational
emotional confinement liberation freedom from and of
Enshrines in effervescent transcendental condensation
of what perspires inspires transpires in the illuminated
darkness boxes ignorant lamenting shallow high rise entities
makes love to sensual cognition consensual chaos
Or is it co-sin cuisine havoc’s Karma dishy chaperone
and chastised illusion disordered fusion fission
elemental monument harmonious disintegration musky
tall minuscule order rising falling standing firm
When thereafter now again before and yet again I loose
the plotting pot containing potty madness sane insanity
I ask my cousin and the loopy loops and square shaped circles
question the Universe that stays aloof precise and altogether mine
02nd June
While out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
despite without doubt...
if closing distance
(to reach rental abode)
beaten out by loosening sphincter muscle
transmitting excretory code
set sights on prowl for outlawed, secluded,
and wooded make shift commode
and essentially for naught negating
toddler toilet training, sans
getting potty trained undone
via my tushy ready to explode
and blast immense solid waste byproduct
(oh...close to the size of Rhode Island)
thus a marathon race against time
found immediate readiness to pull off roadside
to access make shift water closet
generating image firmly in pooping mode
grabbing hold of a tree trunk
(a mini rocky horror picture show, -
this analogy included for no particular reason
other than as a non-sequitur)
and also to convey, how I tried
to allay distractions
while painful contractions flowed
(perhaps approximating woman
on verge of giving birth)
but...no matter, aye could envision,
an ever increasing heavy m*****f****** load
hence approaching Highland Manor Apartments
this chap abandoned
prior simultaneous evacuation plan
starkly aware probability for secluded spot sunk
(nonetheless, thy darting darting
anguish, futile lizard like lookout,
a geico Gekko whose cheeks did blush
even for a measly Georgian bush
quickened nsync with rectal spasms
visual scouting industrialized
where backhoes didst crush
once a time sacred happy hunting grounds
of native Americans, now royally flush
with newly built vinyl city re: urban sprawl a gush,
where cookie cutter houses long since bringing hush
puppies muzzled, yet never the less and mush
a doo doo about nothing) except sprint
ting to the verizon with a void push
immortalizing indigenous tribes ghosts rush
peopling infrastructure affixing
urbanization with lamb basted,
and sigh lance warrior whoosh!
Wake up fresh in the morning, free from daytime's infections
Splash a pot of coffee on your pristine complexion
Rev up your car's engine: Send a cloud of smoke into the air
Motor off to work: Emit toxic pollutants over the road everywhere
Sprint to your desk: Turn on the computers, the a/c and the lights
Ratchet up enough current to frazzle countless insects and mites
At break, leave the office: Enjoy a quick smoke
Then smell your clothes -- a tar-and-nicotine cloak
Back at your desk, sweat pours down your body
Mingled with the smell of your cloak, you're off to the potty
Where you befoul the toilet, the hallway and office
With tincture of excrement, exotic odor so nauseous ...
**********
Now this poem's not going to sink, burn or crash
Here's how to remove gobs of rubbish and trash
Step into the shower at the close of each day
Turn on the water full-throttle: Blast those germs away
Let the welcome droplets cascade down your head, face and arms
Wash the stench away with H2O's charms