Long I dont even know Poems
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Life had fallen all apart.
Is Their a hope or not.
I had a women that I loved a lot.
Their was something in her eyes
don't know what it was about.
I loved her mind,body, “n” soul.
But one day she suddenly changed without been told.
She was a blanket for me when I was cold
such love I gave her
such time we spent together
when I was close to her
I wanted to go more closer
when I had her for one day
I wanted her forever
but one day I try to get closer and closer
she was running away further and further
she was worth more than time
wanted to make her mine
not just for one day
but for hoel life.
No matter what other says
she was one of a kind
always thought of that way in my mind
but one day she broke my heart and it look like it didn't even worth a dime.
Time change people change
what happen to me its me to blame
I left my heart door open for my love to claim
but she broke it without any shame
time by time wanted her by my side
if it was a morning or it was night
never wanted loose her out of my sight
always wanted to look at her till I die
never hope for her to say goodbye
always want her to say hi'
and see her face by the light
ever tho before I met her my life was dark
we went to watch movie call radar of ark.
She hold my hand so tight
it felt like a tree falling down by lighting spark
and my heart started beating fast
I always hope that wont never last
god had send her to take my test
but I dont even know the result
did I fail or did I pass
I always thought you learn from your mistake
but I never thought I will learn it when its break
such as my heart fall in love with her mind
never thought it was that blind
I told her time by time
I love you I love you I love you
but she never believed and broke my heart
because only I knew it was true
I introduce to her all my friends one by one
all the time spent together it was fun
but all that happen in the end
she says it is done.
Always thought we gonna be side by side
watching moon and sun
but I never thought she would left me behind and run
its far more then race for me
but now she have run so far
now I cant ever see
I always wanted to make her happy
and do things like she always wanted to be
always dreamed to kiss on her lips and feal the taste
but never would of thought in the end
she would lie to my face......
Too fast! It hurts!
It travels at lightspeed!
Ruins calm. More than I need!
Help me please!
This monster brings me to my knees!
Wild eyed. Animal's panic.
No reason. Life is just Titanic.
Too much to see, need, read.
Copious substance.
Im a glutton when I feed.
I would give anything to be basic!
I would give anything to erase it!
This twisted mind is my gift.
Still it warps my heart.
Tears it bit by bit.
I feel it as physical pain.
Shakey hand searching in vain.
Sanity sand in cerebral hourglass.
Answer me! How long will this last?!
Broken record of my life.
Deathmarch tune of it's fife.
Calls me from slumber often.
Hoping in time it will soften.
Harsh assault on my senses.
God hated me enough to give this sentence.
I'll see him someday.
I have a few things to say.
Why was this spell cast upon me!?
Too much for any brain to see!
My central motor runs too fast!
How long can the hardrive last?!
Sometimes I think of my creator.
A hand deserving a slap!
Made a creature crave love and calm.
You loaded him with a confusing psalm.
Pulled from the inside out.
To many directions to account.
Sleeplesly I suffer at night!
I weep!...enduring the blight.
Panic stricken I'm too full!
Why can't my life be more dull?!
Why can't the thoughts be culled?!
Everything is overly mulled!
I just want to rest and find respite.
I'm too tired to put up a fight.
Give me slumber, its not fair!
Show me, god, that you even care!
I feel wind scattered.
Its never really mattered.
I sullenly sit completely shattered.
This is my life's chatter.
Often this feeling makes me feel crazy!
Respect me the truth!
Why and for what did you design me!?
Answer me!
Where is the key!
You gave me this foreign map.
I can't read it!
My mind slips darkly,
And I dont even know how to bereave it.
So I stumble on.
Sanity taking hit after hit.
Either you're dead or you don't see.
Pretty lame product,
For such an exorbitant fee.
I guess it will run it's course.
My manic mind tortures
with extraordinary force.
You left me again, on my own!
...........Maybe you're not there.
............You never answer the phone!
Maybe, I speak to the air.
I guess we all live and die...
having existed...
.......quite alone.
-Angel Fatale-
Breaking me down , With every word they say .
Breaking me down , Til i start to hate my self for being different .
Tell my self either i have to be nice or be a hoe , So this group of girls can like me or this boy but i am not being my self though ,
Following the crowd because i don't know who i am yet , Following the crowd soon i will for get ...Me .
The person i see everyday in the mirror aint me thought , She is just some basic girl trying to fit in and the only way she dose that is by pretending .
Like this is a movie and she just trying to play he part .
On the out side she looks cool , But this world is picking her apart .
She trying not to explode , But everyone thinks they know who she is but they don't .
Telling all these fake story , but when the time to confront comes they become a ghost .
They are no where to be found , But they don't know that these words are breaking her down making her hate her self .
And she's seeking for help but there is no one to help her , So she scream at the top of her lungs Help ! Help !Help , She is becoming some one else ! Help ! Help ! Help !
And she wait and she wait , But no one comes , No one because she ran the all off .
But all she can think about is what her mother told her , baby girl that mouth going to get you in to some big trouble ... !
But she never listen , This young girl caught up in the world , Not knowing what she want . Really knowing nothing at all . Realized something , That is she if started to think it might just save her life.
And she argues with her self i do think and her self answer why don't you think twice .
And when you do think why don't you think about what is going to happen tomorrow no just at that second .
Why don't you think about you future , You claim you got one but at this rate i see you not having one , I dont even know if i see you alive . Unless you can change for the better , Unless you can change .
Its not always the people AROUND you sometime the problem can be your self .
And she knew that , and after she ask for forgiveness and ask for gods help .
She stated on the journey to finding HER SELF !
-April Jones
2.28.13
Form:
Here we are, there we go
here i am, there you are
how can we be the cause of each others pain still
"Everytime i think about you i dont know its either im happy or sad
hoping not just to play you, but hey you try to do the same thing
im sorry if i seem weak or if i try too hard
my heart hurts to see an old friend when she looks at me with her head down
oh i dont know tomorrow i might go to jail
all in one night i jeapordized my freedom
cause im so hotheaded, hotblooded passion that pulls up, with your hair pulled back
then you let it fall down and then i get out this mess im in, you know i will, u know i will
i know with me everyday its something else,
im always trying to be good but i always end up doin bad things i know im mean to you in a bad way. i guess im not right in the head becuz all i see is a vision of a man when i lay down, except last night when i talked to you , you looked so worn out stressed out, why would you be with him when you could be with the man that u love still, its okay whatever you want its your choice, just please consider how much hangs in the balance, i dont even know if its talent, if im talented, or just sick of these lame conversations that people have with me, talking about all their troubles,but i have so many i cant even think straight
but i concentrate on the solution and i usually dont treat you with the love i feel becuz i dont love you if you dont love me, im sorry im a playa, im a crook, convict con-artist, tryin to find a way in your heart just so i can hurt him, i flip and turn words twist and bend the truth, make up *****just to send to u, becuz im trying to break down the fortress of your heart, count my attempts add em up, cross another day out on my calender, there goes another month, cross another month off my calender, and we collide so different then what we use to be, use this use them but dont try to use me or put me in their group girl, no enemy can stop me, even when men set the net, let their own foot be caught, slip and slide away, not trying to be slick with, or run game on you, so dont try to run game on me,
You know you matter to me.
You may think you don't because of how i act.
But if you saw my heart, im sure you would think differently.
You all.
Everyone of you.
We've been through so much.
The fights.
The arguments.
The sorrow.
The happiness.
The hate.
The love.
The forgiveness.
The maturity and immaturity.
I know we are separated now because we can't forgive each other..
But why...
You guys are the only people in my life..
And you chose to walk away from each other just because you didnt like something.
We are family for crying out loud.
FAMILY!!!!
The only time we come together is... i.... i dont even know anymore...
We barely come together... even on holidays...
You guys used to be so tight.
You guys would share laughs.
And share adventures.
You guys would go places together and when i sat back and watched, i saved those memories.
Because now all i can do is cry.
I look at us now and we mean nothing to each other.
When will you all realize we matter to each other?
When will you all see that with out each other we will fall and we will never get up because we... US!! Its all that we can believe in. We are all that we can believe in now.
You guys used to be my happiness.
You guys used to be my smile.
My love and my kindness.
My humbleness and peace.
You guys are what kept me going...
And now... i sit in my room, and these memories flood my mind.
Sweet... amazing memories...
And i can't help but cry.
Cry, because i realize we have fallen so far from each other.
You guys dont care anymore.
Why dont you care..
What is so bad that you all stepped away?
Please... please im begging you...
You all are my family...
Please come back to me.. I want to see you guys..I want to be with you all again..
please.. i need you guys...
Please.... I can't do this by myself anymore....
Sharp breath cuts through my diaphram
I fail to breath, gasping for air...
Emotional blood flows through my veins
I get the desire to scream with pains
My pulse rate suffocates me!
Bitter lumps swells within my chest
Im heaving with a load of pressure
All I want is to cry at the top of my voice
But my eyes are dry
Within me I want to cry.
I didnt know until now
That Im choosing a wrong vow
Allow me to bow before u
And ask God for strength and guidance
Because I alone wants to deny my heart desire
Until now, I realised
How much it hurt
To completely cut ties with u
The agony is the same that I had
When I lost my only pet.
Until now I realised that
You became my closest companion
Unfortunately time did not warn me
The daily chat truely used to warm me
Now ims falling in deep pit of melancholy.
You are like a book that I just started reading Before I arrive in the next chapter,
My heart is already bleeding!
Until now, Im forced to close the book
Yet I dont even know what the next chapter holds.
The take off was intense,
Unaware we accelerating in a weired sense
The adrenalin escalated with great response
Everything was mesmirising
Until now...
Yes I did not realise how much I care
Until now... this is insanely rare
Yes I know what im feeling
But can't bring myself to utter the words
Until now, I know what I want
I made up my mind,
Im coming back to claim that book
And want to see the look on your face
As I resume that chapter..
Until now I 'll read to the bitter apogee
Lest you forget im an obscure writer,
The only writter who writes what she forsees
Until now, im being driven
by the acrimony in me
Until now i ll just be me.
ByLeboGFaith Samson
25/09/18@11:23
Day and night,
I think about the truth,
Behind those hidden curtains,
Trying hard to understand,
How He thinks and do things,
Why is that that our mind so small,
Its hard for us to think beyond?
Why did He made everything complicated for us?
I sat down my dad called,
To make me face the reality,
My heart started beating fast,
And tears run down my cheeks,
As if there was hail,
I didn't know what to say,
He told me he might not last long,
How am I going to see him?
He is on the other-side of the world?
I am worried about him,
I wish I could die with the people who I love,
I am scared to loose them
And the hard part is I dont know my dad,
I miss him!
I feel like time is close by,
And I didn't live my life as if I wish to,
I can't because things are not the same,
When I see an apple on the tree,
It feels like blood dropping beside my eyes,
I feel strange in this world,
I don't think or see the things I used to,
I stand amongst people who are changed,
In a bad way and yet the worst hasn't begun!
I can't even write my poems the same,
I can't make it rhyme anymore,
I feel like I am all alone in this,
I feel like this is a big challenge,
And I am lost in middle of no where,
I feel like nobody understands,
When the words come out my mouth,
All they hear is bluh! bluh! bluh!
I am disparate to find someone who I can talk to,
Yet I am scared to trust anybody,
I been hurt so many times,
I dont even know how to end this poem if you called it,
I have so much anger that is in me,
That no matter what I say there is still more,
That will never end,
One thing I know is I hate to be here,
And live in a place full of strangers, selfish liars, and untrusted people!
Form:
I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO BREAK DOWN
WITHOUT EVEN A WORD OR SOUND
THIS LIFE I LIVE THE TEARS IN WHICH I DROWN
IN THE PAST IT IS TEARING ME DOWN, AND STILL IN 2011 IT IS TEARING ME DOWN
I FEEL SO WORTHLESS, I FEEL PAIN AND SAD
I CAUSED ALL THIS SADNESS, BECAUSE I MADE PEOPLE MAD
AT TIMES IM ALWAYS A LOSER AND KEEP GETTING USED
WHENEVER I GAIN NEW FRIENDS OR HELP THE ONES I CARE 4 I GET SCREWED.
AT TIMES FEAR IS SINKING IN
AND WHEN IM ALONE I FEEL HEAVY RAIN AND COLD MIST RACING THROUGH MY SKIN
WHATS WORSE MEMORIES ARE MISSING
AND MOST OF THEM ARE FADING
SOMEHOW IT MY FAULT BECAUSE I DONT LOVE MYSELF
AND I AGREE IT IS BECAUSE IN REALITY I HATE MYSELF
SO MANY THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AND MOST ARE TO PAINFUL TO EXPLAIN
AND IT KEEPS COMING LIKE A GIANT CLOTHES STAIN.
WHY DO I FEEL SO HAPPY, CHEERY, AND HYPE UP MOOD WHEN I GO OUT
BUT WHEN I GO HOME I FEEL SO MESS UP AND I CANT EVEN SHOUT
I CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT THE PROBLEM IT LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM
AM I A WINNER OR A LOSER, A PERSON OR A SHADOW, OR AM I REAL OR A SHAM
SOMETIMES I CAN NEVER HAVE PEACE
WHENEVER I WANT IT SO BADLY IT SLIPPED AWAY LIKE GREASE
IT TRUE I HAVE FRIENDS BUT AT TIMES IDK WHO TO TRUST ANYMORE
BECAUSE WHENEVER I CARE 4 SOMEONE IT BACKSTAB ME RIGHT TO THE CORE
AT TIMES I AM A VILLIAN AND AT TIMES IM A HERO
AND MOST OF TIME IDK WHAT I AM SO MOST LIKELY IM A ZERO
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY HEAD YOU SAY WHO KNOWS EVEN I DONT KNOW
BUT IT SAD BECAUSE MY LIFE IS A BORING SHOW.
IN THE END IT KINDA FUNNY CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I DONT HAVE A HEART
OH WELL MY HEART IS ALREADY BROKEN SO IT TO LATE IT GOT KILLED BY A SHARD.
I continue to think
About the daily situations that happen
In our generation
Hating is spreading
Like the movie contagion
The virus is spreading
Through the iris
Because everything we see
Influences us to be
The very people we
Idolize on tv
He, she, they, we
Are all expected to be
Something other than me
You, them, they can
Never understand the uniquness
Every person displays
Why should you have to change
Gun shots heard by many everyday
Thesame many that dont
Know why Treavon Martin was one of the
Many that didnt get away
From the senseless violence that happens everyday
But whose to blame
In this sicotic game
Then again it happens day by day
People judge people
Just by how they look
But never took a minute
Out of their time to realize
There's aperson
Behind those eyes
You see if i was lying
Then why would you be
Wasting your time talking about my rhymns
Im only speaking because
Everyone else is afraid
About the feedback that might stab back
Stop wasting my time
An go about your life
But ima spend itin this life time
Changing people's life
I can turn a penny in to a dime
An donate that dime
To a kid that starves
Most of the time
Is it really a crime
To want something more
Than a normal life
I might just end up
Writing the most influencial rhymn
It's my time your time an their time
We can all make a diffrence is we just try
Saying that you're
Incapable of being capable
To comprehend what i'm
About to say im almost at the end
Sometimes i dont even know
What im saying but I'm
Praying that for every mind
That is corruppted there is
One that can help change
The next generation
God is great. God is strong, watching over us with love keeping us safe in the shadow of his wings where we belong, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but no matter how sad things are i will thank the Lord every single day, some people come into our life and some people go, but God never leaves us this I do know, so no matter how much
llife tries to make you give in, stay close to Jesus... for with him the battle he always will win. Amen he goes before us to guide our way, he stands behind us to catch us if we fall and stand beside us in everything that we do, nothing can ever seperate us from the Love of God, we grow in his love every day and we sing his praises regardless of how much life hurts us, just keep singing and praying and standing with God, first in our hearts king forevr. price of peace Amen
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you. Amen
i recenty tried to help a friend who I prayed for some time ago for too i tried to do something nice and inspirational and now they are not talking to me at all, I dont get it, the kinder you are the more people just wana hurt you for no reason, I dont even know what i did wrong how sad is that but God still stands strong Amen