Long High as a kite Poems
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Far off the beaten track and trail
on quest for music’s Holy Grail
led pilgrims on biblical scale
more than can be counted.
With midsummer sun on our cheek
in tents to shelter we did seek
and pitched them at its highest peak
on a hilltop mounted
As we climbed the lean of the hill
my beer I would try not to spill
and sat with the great unwashed till
olé and adios.
It was I, El Skeet, amigo,
in my poncho and sombrero
half-cut like a loco gringo
who waved “vaya con dios!”
We lit yet another hash bong
all up in smoke like Cheech & Chong
and passed it to each one along
under the cop radars.
Till late as wasted brain cells flag
with every mind trip headfu-ck drag
I tucked in to my sleeping bag
on the hill ‘neath the stars
As music and mayhem did rage
back in next summer’s youthful age
we camped closer to the big stage
by a shallow hollow.
I’d sit and watch the crowds go by
in the hot sun and dust and dry
under a big Waikato sky
from our camp on tent row
And as I ripped in with the guys
to our grog trailer of supplies
we made a hanging chain of ties
with every pull tab rent.
Waiting for Cold Chisel that night
with a superdoob glowing bright
I was fuc-kin’ high as a kite
and lurched back to my tent
The next day I woke in a daze
and walked off my drunken malaise
when I heard singing songs of praise
in some weird sh-it I saw.
Tambourine hippies, punks and geeks
and chanting Hari Krishna freaks
burnt incense in clay painted cheeks
so I got high some more
Yet in a hot wet and wild hour
stoned in the unisex shower
I gazed many a sweet flower
in their naked splendour.
We bathed too in waters that flowed
down where the lazy river bowed
lest my head spontaneous explode
on my three day bender
That night by the stars we were led
as above a smoky sky bled
when out The Enz rocked “I See Red”
and fired a burning flare.
In the spirit of Sweetwaters
we lived among at close quarters
sons of Bacchus and his daughters
and I so revelled there
Written: November 2009
Sweetwaters was an annual three
day music festival back in 1980s.
I am so mellow and quiet…
As calm as a midnight jet…
I need some sort of outlet…
Give me something more than this...regret
I did not mean to get upset...
I just wanted you to be feeling alright
Remember the day we first met?
It was a wondrous time in daylight
In a daze, I smile shyly at you tonight
I take flight after being in captivity for so long
I trek a mile just to be as high as a kite
In a phase, I frown away negativity all along
Oh, I give praise to the Lord Most High
The love I concealed inside, can't deny
I'm in a bipolar manic, but I still love You
I'm in a bipolar manic and the past, can't undo
I am so yellow and bright…
Like a sun-shining star tonight…
Show me the path that is right
I need your love to be fulfilled beyond...sight
I did not mean to get upset...
I just wanted you to be feeling alright
Remember the day we first met?
It was a wondrous time in daylight
In a daze, I smile shyly at you tonight
I take flight after being in captivity for so long
I trek a mile just to be as high as a kite
In a phase, I frown away negativity all along
Oh, I give praise to the Lord Most High
The love I concealed inside, can't deny
I'm in a bipolar manic, but I still love You
I'm in a bipolar manic and the past, can't undo
Saw what you've been through all along...
Lord, I still believe I have done You wrong...
Flawed from the start like an unfinished song...
Remaining numb in my loneliness, longing to...belong
I did not mean to get upset...
I just wanted you to be feeling alright
Remember the day we first met?
It was a wondrous time in daylight
In a daze, I smile shyly at you tonight
I take flight after being in captivity for so long
I trek a mile just to be as high as a kite
In a phase, I frown away negativity all along
Oh, I give praise to the Lord Most High
The love I concealed inside, can't deny
I'm in a bipolar manic, but I still love You
I'm in a bipolar manic and the past, can't undo
I'm in a bipolar manic…
Feeling like a maniac…
My muse is abusing me once more
But, I will endure to the deepest...core
Drunk by shots
Of shameful delight
I'm in a bipolar manic in a panic…
I'm morbidly a forlorning fanatic…
You accuse me with abtrusing thoughts,
Leave me feeling sore as my soul...rots
I try with my might,
But what for?
I admit tubby distracted by a modeling
female physique when attempting to write,
an aching agony rips thru this son,
gripping with hard on – tight -
by Dickens constricting sensation,
who orbited the sun LX times
coon sitters himself heterosexual male,
where slumbering testosterone forces unite,
no matter my libido feels
deadened, this despite
the above mentioned
asthma ordinary devoid sexual drive,
when these eyes (brown and myopic) sight
even just a picture
oven an attractive gal fanciful flight
evokes dormant longings
crashing thru concentration
without any invite
sparring dueling animal urge,
I know ain't right
since being married,
and all (witches nothing to celibate)
boot even if aye hapt tubby
dim witted with cerebral blight
prurient predilections, would
nonetheless prevail causing affright,
whereby the photographed lovely lady
dashes out like shuttered image,
though only so few inches in height,
would make a bee line into an
unreachable cubbyhole,
not totally airtight
just enough breathing room
to await darkening hour of night
than with lightspeed akin to meteorite
off into the farther reaches with a blink quite
invisible this quasi
holographic like pseudo sprite
leaves yours truly in the lurch ignite
ting a supposed sexual propensity gone cold
nay, no can do, cuz
untethered high as a kite
electrifying animal desire forced to bite
the dust, though thankfully concupiscent pang
ordinarily not the least bit aroused, aye attest
nope, not lascivious provocative
Barenaked Ladies can NOT excite
an older fellow, whose adolescent body
seethed with hormonal secretion,
and any pretty young thang did alight
a stick up between still skinny legs,
hence people watching
(particularly gals), a birthright
even migrant and/or
teenage mutant ninja turtle doth delight
tool hook, but NOT touch
most times an effortless fight,
yet every once in a while atavistic
pulsations, asper call
of the wild bobwhite
overrides instagramming, snapchatting,
and twittering uber with such might
even erupting sexless interludes of eunuch
or "FAKE" shining knight
chess moonlighting also as “FAKE” playwright,
hence if perchance a beauty catches me sight
lack of youth in your favor
from my penitent penile plight!
The missus brings me high test coffee...
A cold wintry January 53rd, 2021
at Highland Manor apartments
picturesque snow covered landscape
safely ensconced within Unit B44,
we (yours truly and wife)
occupy bedroom and
television room respectively
comfortably numb and toasty warm
at sixty degrees Fahrenheit
courtesy climate controlled environment.
I practice crafting poetry
(seeking posthumous fame)
while the spouse busies herself
channel surfing putting
down remote control
after espying satisfactory movie
(Fatal Attractions),
about which she knows
every single detail,
and can rattle offer personal tidbits
about cast of actors and actresses.
Aforementioned regular routine
predictable until
onset rites of spring,
where warm weather perfect balm
to allow, enable and provide
antidote to existential woes
coping with being quarantined,
though sensing optimism
regarding president Joe Biden
green lighting living social pursuits
possibly revisiting
following favorite pastime.
Recalling contra dancing
as palliative against bashfulness
life as high school wallflower served me
without any budding female friendships
until lo… agent tulle nudge, yes
my mother over mollycoddled
then uprooted me
mein kampf familiar
bedrock level road terrain,
which venue offered groundswell
to blossom forth into
golden sterling resplendent rod
of natural equipoise,
(an unbiased opinion) and balance
with freestyle improvisational swinging motions
unchained from moors of formality
lit figurative saint elmo’s
Sesame Street Big Bird
winging fiery dance
allowing, enabling and
providing shy awkward self
during his young adulthood
to cast away four ever
self embroidered handsome
straight as an arrow
naturally high as a kite young guy
buzzfeeding like yellow jacket
liberating spontaneity
that je ne sais quoi joie vivre
clamoring headlong toward pollination
healthy packing heat overflowing
testosterone bin laden well nigh
erupting pistol (stay man)
toward opposite gender,
whereby bravado donned as key
to hoe field of whet dreams
fostering initial albeit late blooming
roll in the hay hormonally
rooted rutting squeal!
I hated myself.
I hate myself
I am hating myself.
Torture.
Is what I do to myself at 2:33am when I'm thinking about how much of a waste I've become, am becoming and how I think, think about how no difference will be made if I was not here. Walking, talking, eating, breathing, living.
Just take it all away - it turns me upside down, inside out when I can't stop those wheels from turning in my head; they never stop - like some unstoppable tape record playing in my head- over and over and over again.
I don't sleep to good.
Maybe it's the way I say your name at that present moment in time and my mind automatically swells with
Nostalgia.
Or maybe it's the way I always think of your pretty big eyes that are the perfect shade of brown in the midst of my sorrows.
We once shared those.
But now they're just unequally balanced upon my shoulders, wreaking havoc in the last of the ruins that have been provided.
Oh look what I've gone and done.
I wanted to be alone not lonely.
I hate myself for what I have done to myself
Sadness is what I have become,
Consumed me in a way that is not visible to the naked eye- so only I can see.
It hits me at any given time of day - it slams against the mental capacity I have for the self loathing I have assimilated throughout my tiresome life.
All the self regret and self deprecation that has surfed through my mind during those lonely nights I laid there motionless and bitter have finally come and took over.
My mind, body and soul.
My troublesome inner demons taunt me. We are no longer shy acquaintances, we are the best of friends who spend each passing hour of the day together.
I don't want to live this way. Nor do I want to die this way, I'm entitled to spend the days of my life as openly and freely as I please but I still have sinking feeling - this clawing sensation, drawing me back to my sadness. Like a heroin junkie high as a kite - I'm addicted. And I don't know how. I'm addicted to my sadness and there's no cure for that.
I have to go now.
I have to cease this sharp self afflicted pain,
With the only way I know best.
There is a saying that says,
Destroy Anything That Destroys You
So I did.
Form:
Flinging open the passenger door - I retreat
Deep behind my sinuses - I feel the sensation to weep
On and off all day and night - PTSD - I wanna cry
'Cause after 7.5 incredibly long and difficult years - just why?
How could you supposedly unwrap the condom and put it on?
Let alone sticking it in someone else after my faithfulness this long?
And then to follow-through and finish the entire adultery session
Then expect and force me to remain with you without a lesson?
You expect me to look the other way, forgive you, and give you chances?
While you're still betraying me with your dedication songs and fake dances
While you continue to effortlessly lie and have dark and shady secrets from me
Yet you claim I'm your witch - and it is my duty and purpose to set you free
You continue to humiliate, use, hate, and abuse me - like a pattern
You remain using me for a "below average" piece of ass - but it doesn't matter
Not only are you my longest, but you're the only one I've done right
Now you're popping me like a water balloon - from soaring me high as a kite
You came into my life, and launched my world into a diamond paradise
But you'll never be happy or satisfied with anyone - you're too easy to entice
It's easy to get you to believe some young, random hoe
And after all the betrayal you put me through - you expect us to flow
The guilt and sheer disgust would eat my soul alive if I ever would cheat
I couldn't do it without feeling slutty and dirty - openly or discreet
You're not understanding me when I say with cheating that I am done
I can't believe you'd even think to be that heartless - considering all you've done
I'm telling you in that moment, I felt all that love expell out of my body
The second my brain recognized it as downgrading - disgustingly naughty
Your ego will never allow us to masterfully work out our kinks
'Cause 7.5 years were snuffed out so quickly - when either of us blinks
I don't think that we can possibly repair the pieces this time
'Cause every day it haunts me that you even cheated - now you'll never be mine
A while back i had a "drug" tha used to fix all my pain
flashback to 11 months ago, when i swore id never again play this game
I remember phening for the blade
Terrified that my feelings would overflow and i would no longer be the person my addiction made.
With no dope Im sight, and an endless sea of time
I grabbed my knife, closed the door , and let the smile creep across my lips as i payed for my disguise
The grinding of the blade leaves me fearless, painless, conceited, and everything i needed to be
I open the door with a smile on my face ,head held high , and let my daily medicine control me
Indulging later on that night, i am caught by my closest friend.
I quickly hide the smile on my face as tears fill his eyes to see my thighs blood red
I didn't plan on listening to the lecture he was about to give me, the words were so cliche
But instead i looked up and listened as i heard him say
"What is your secret ? Please tell me how you make pain into no pain. It doesn't work for me. I don't think that's fair for me to watch you higher than a kite happy every day, and for me to hurt because theirs blood down your legs , still chasing a needle to try to feel like you. "
I looked down at my thighs , studied the scars upon scars dating back to 10 yrs old.
I looked back at him and said "I don't know what your talking about, but I'm sorry and i swear i wont do it again. Now let me get cleaned up."
Simple as i said it, my mind was screaming different things .
The difference Was my heart couldn't see my best friends eyes full of pain ,and his mind knowing that i was a freak, and a phene .
i picked up the pipe ...and as long as stayed away from love, i got the same transformation
But theirs a reason I'm typing this tonight, and theirs a reason my fingers are impatient
I'm high as a kite, but i haven't touched a pipe in over 3 weeks in the line of sight
Guess i couldn't take the pain of being let down sober , cuz just like a phene... I got my blade grinding tonight.
Hottest Thing in Town
I was kind of feeling merry
Drinking wine and sipping sherry
My mind was ready for a move
My feet were hitching for a groove
I was feeling as high as a kite
My hair was combed, my teeth were white
I was feeling so good
I thought I could, lick anything in sight
I felt the hottest thing in town
I picked myself up and headed for a ball
I was determined something had to fall
I made for the bar and ordered a gin
And eyed up all the girls i cared to win
I felt so good I would get my way
I could not wish for a better day
I was out for fun, I was out to play
I was feeling so good, it felt so right
I felt the hottest thing in town
I danced and boozed away till three
By now I was weary and could hardly see
The crowd was drifting from the floor
Panic set in because I didn't score
I knew why I was there that very night
My pockets were full, the timing was right
I was feeling so good, I had to treatmyself
To one of the damsels of the night
It seems as if I was running out of luck
When out of the blue it suddenly struck
It was my friend from sixty nine
Escorting two broads, who would like to dine
He though I looked lonely, so he would put me right
With a young lady of the night
I was feeling good, I danced again
My anticipitation rekindled for a new game
We chatted and chatted, then walked her to her door
She took me home and bolted the door
Then told me; relax, you know the score
It was just by chance we happen to meet
So lets get cosy, and have us a treat
We haven't got much time to spend together
So lets not behave like a sister and brother
I was feeling so good, things getting hot
My temperature reaching the nineties like a shot
But there was something strange about the lady you see
She had an extra leg where it shouldn't be
As soon as she got home she dropped her frock
Out stood a whopping block!
Man that thing was in a rage
The sight of which I fled the stage
I was feeling so good that very night
But when I got home my black hair was white
That song’s been ringing in my head
For almost half the day….
It’s too late to turn back now.
I believe, I believe, I believe,
I’ve fallen in love with you,
And I have no clue why or
Even how?
It’s too late to turn back now.
I believe, I believe, I believe,
I’ve fallen in love and memories
Of us being together I continue to chow
It makes no sense at all
You and I have not made one vow
I love you but I don’t like you
All because you don’t live the life that’s true.
It’s too late to turn back now.
I believe, I believe, I believe,
I’ve fallen in love: I’ve had no
Real man to ever treat me right
You had a chance for me you did not fight
So why from you could I not fly away as
High as a kite. Every day you call me to
See if someone else is with me. Late night
Calls, early morning calls, noon day calls,
All types of calls but the call you have ringing
To your phone you have not answered at all.
It’s too late to turn back now.
I believe, I believe, I believe,
I’ve fallen in love. That’s all.
He calls. I call. I don’t answer.
He doesn’t either. The feeling is not weaker.
It is stronger and no matter how much time,
We wanted this to be: it has lasted longer.
To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season, turn, turn, turn
A time to be loved is now. No
Matter how much I hate. This situation,
Is destiny way past fate. Three days to
The rest of our lives is here whether we
Are angry or filled with cheer. The season
For our love is here.
It’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
Yes, yes, we played around and
Got stuck with each other for life.
For every action a cost must be paid
Love was never intended in this it
Came in and stayed while we played.
Well the thrill is not gone
We can play like it is all we want
But all I can hear ringing in my ears
This song that I really don’t want to hear
It’s too late to turn back now.
I believe, I believe, I believe,
I’ve fallen in love, wow!
Ah-The Cina-Ma
I love going to the movies -
the big screen is such a sight.
Popcorn, pop, and a picture show -
what a true delight!
From watching westerns as a kid
with grandpa I did go.
Double features were the norm -
you got to see two shows.
3 D's at the old Esquire -
blood curdling, scary scenes.
Then a night at the Drive-in -
hook on them speakers you movie fiends.
I loved to sit in the balcony -
seemed cooler than below.
The weekends always packed them in
through rain and sleet and snow.
And later came the Cineplex
and then the grand I-Max.
the screens get bigger and better,
but let's not forget the past.
Movies make you laugh and cry -
they make you feel weak and then strong.
They'll send chills up your spine
and take you back where you belong.
Thrills and excitement -
passion and sorrow too.
You can feel high as a kite
and then sad, lonely, and blue.
But going to the movies -
it's cool and it's neat.
Sit back and view the big screen -
still one of life's grand treats.