Disguise
A while back i had a "drug" tha used to fix all my pain
flashback to 11 months ago, when i swore id never again play this game
I remember phening for the blade
Terrified that my feelings would overflow and i would no longer be the person my addiction made.
With no dope Im sight, and an endless sea of time
I grabbed my knife, closed the door , and let the smile creep across my lips as i payed for my disguise
The grinding of the blade leaves me fearless, painless, conceited, and everything i needed to be
I open the door with a smile on my face ,head held high , and let my daily medicine control me
Indulging later on that night, i am caught by my closest friend.
I quickly hide the smile on my face as tears fill his eyes to see my thighs blood red
I didn't plan on listening to the lecture he was about to give me, the words were so cliche
But instead i looked up and listened as i heard him say
"What is your secret ? Please tell me how you make pain into no pain. It doesn't work for me. I don't think that's fair for me to watch you higher than a kite happy every day, and for me to hurt because theirs blood down your legs , still chasing a needle to try to feel like you. "
I looked down at my thighs , studied the scars upon scars dating back to 10 yrs old.
I looked back at him and said "I don't know what your talking about, but I'm sorry and i swear i wont do it again. Now let me get cleaned up."
Simple as i said it, my mind was screaming different things .
The difference Was my heart couldn't see my best friends eyes full of pain ,and his mind knowing that i was a freak, and a phene .
i picked up the pipe ...and as long as stayed away from love, i got the same transformation
But theirs a reason I'm typing this tonight, and theirs a reason my fingers are impatient
I'm high as a kite, but i haven't touched a pipe in over 3 weeks in the line of sight
Guess i couldn't take the pain of being let down sober , cuz just like a phene... I got my blade grinding tonight.
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