Fretfully Aching To Feel Fit As a Fiddle

Fretfully aching to feel fit as a fiddle After experiencing a severe, albeit violent near lethal bout of irritable bowel syndrome (yesterday night August 30th, 2023) triggered courtesy dulcolax caplets plus healthy portion of lentils, I (a beatle browed, foo fighting, night ranger needing nirvana) imperiled me to twist and shout as a whirling dervish analogous to F5 tornado bread a deep purple to kiss earth, wind and fire hopscotching across terrestrial plain. Irritable bowel syndrome in my pinion wracked lower abdominal area (mine) bubbled, gurgled and ballooned sub stomach gastrointestinal tract vis a vis flatulence crooned in tandem with subsequent expulsion explosively eliminated fecal waste witnessed this scribe forcibly zipping, sprinting, jetting to bathroom, self propulsion (a race against time) nsync with contraction of sphincter muscles' spasmodically, desperately braced body electric of mine hurled at light speed across the universe courtesy unpleasant symptoms that mimicked anxiety/ panic attack, which tortuousness, odorousness, insidiousness, horrendousness, gaseousness, arduousness... played mean game of (gastrointestinal knick knack paddywhack havoc. Ofttimes in the past irritable bowel syndrome affrighted, afflicted, and affected me, hence yours truly no stranger to making light of offal plight and even managing to craft poem else my alias not mister rhyme stir, who found himself held hostage self barricaded in the water closet, where thoughts about mooning did not crack a smile, more explicitly baring derriere tubby more exact humor did little to cheer me up - matter of fact no source of laughter manifested, (despite usual presence of chuckles from this fan of good humor) hijacked for what seemed a maternity leave from all mothers tub be thus envision, a bevy of pregnant gals aching with cramps heave ving (times square of the hippopotamus) with cervix fully dilated key ping alert, when mother nature ready to pull out all stops (via umbilical cord) to deliver bundle of joy followed in quick succession with after birth re: placental sack, hence said effort to expel newborn the closest scenario experienced ill suited to Saint Vitus dance afflicting this anxiety prone lovely bones, an all expense paid (seat of the pants) accursed bane of proletariat grants no truce to attend found me pampered doubled over stance. Modus operandi to distract against acute pain crisis yielded impossible mission exhibited courtesy haphazard poem awaiting unsolicited feedback across rock of ages woke beguiling ghostly busty spectre courtesy Marie-Antoinette, (i.e. bride of France's arty choke King Louis XVI) bespoke let him eat cake, and (sic) send back the bloody bloke, aye suddenly begot idea rye Jack Corner of zee desk didst impale and provoke moderately painful injury right side rib cage analogous to intriguing unfortunate circumstance mysterious secret shrouded as dagger and cloak (think Alfred E. Neuman, viz MAD Magazine), yes no joke lovely bones of me body electric, (particularly right side rib cage) severely traumatized, nailed, injured... crucified oft told umteen times, yet omitting key mirrors and smoke, significant Dorian Gray parallel, when former antique, viz secrétaire looking glass reflection, spider hairline fractures radiated resembled bay of pigs in a poke ham handedly oinked, quaked, shattered... broke into bajillion pieces deafening, exploding, glowering thunder stroke jagged shrapnel size shards unleashed cosmic force lacerated, gnashed, beribboned... impeaching flesh with one engulfed masterstroke, no rhyme nor reason aiming to choke off promising poet (ha) of corpse resembling scrambled egg yolk posthumous fame besmoke salvaged mine besmirched reputation courtesy humble cartoon character bugs bunny and kinfolk spoke daffy fully goofily eulogizing humor did evoke.