Long Farted Poems

They were gambling in front of the house.
Manservants and pages bustled about
Serving Suitors who just curse and carouse.
Few mix wine with water. I heard one shout,
"Clean down the tables with wet sponges! Rouse
Yourselves! And when...

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Sonnets XC-XCVII

Artificial Smile
by Michael R. Burch

I’m waiting for my artificial teeth
to stretch belief, to hollow out the cob
of zealous righteousness, to grasp life’s stub
between clenched molars, and yank out the grief.

Mine must be art-official?zenlike Art?
a...

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These are prophetic poems and apocalyptic poems about the earth, climate change, global warming, extinction events, and mankind's role on an endangered world ...



Polish
by Michael R. Burch

Your fingers end in talons?
the ones you trim to...

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The Tale of the Duck

The morning was crisp and in need of assist
    from the sun to warm up the day.
The Dragon needed some food to lighten his mood
   so...

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Dear friiends those who first read my poem i left an important line out in the donkey story

The first dance after our wedding,
Was absolutely exciting, intoxicating,
My darling whispered in my ear,
My wedding present to you...

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Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig...

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For contest Sponsored by: (Destroyer ((Poet
My worst poem ever

The sights and the scenes that you might have seen
Will hold no great power or trill
When tonight I regale that wondrous tale
Of the farmer that lived in...

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When someone gives me a penny for my thoughts
They end up putting their two cents in
Because by then they are actually caught
Deep in the intense, immense conversation
How would you handle my situation?
Better be firm when...

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As they hurried to the door, the sounds of laughter and shouts from outside faded but never completely disappeared. They could still hear the teenagers chanting and the Bunny making sarcastic comments to keep the...

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Thanks for grabbing me a "RED BULL,"
because I don't like the way your slams taste.
The creativity in my head stays full,
and your poetry is such a waste!

"PLAYBOY," you got that right,
at least that's what your...

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and forgive me for saying
that I hated the music grandpa’s record player was playing. 
It was from the forties as if I should be rumba swaying.
So I ran to the...

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An old gal applied to join Mensa
Gee she couldn’t be any denser
She went in the wrong door
On the thirty third floor
And there she enrolled as a fencer

When attending her first fencing class
A man scored a...

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Poe was always revising his prose between publications. Here are the longest extended versions of sentences he shortened for their final publication in his lifetime:

"We loved each other with a love that was more than...

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laughing club 
                                ...

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Crypto Redeemer is here
Thanks to the golden votes
That the Moor 
And the silver ones that the cow .
His republican and sacred fascist people
Turned into horrendous braying, stunning
He burst into the mass of the Jumento
Or the...

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We laughed and moved in oneness
We played and chatted in happiness
Until the life became darkness
My Friend refused to chat
He said a no! without saying no!
He gave me the best answer for a fool
He remained calm...

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Power Point Presentation on Meditation was underway
Eyes, ears glued to central points, narrative was on
Suddenly someone sneezed, concentration frittered away 
Missed the Point, presentor thought, yet went on

Came in pointless sorry, presentation went ahead 
Breathing...

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Two rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific

You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted...

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Two rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific

You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted...

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The dream and the truth
I have told those who wanted to listen that once I swam
in the blue lake in Iceland and walked hand in hand 
with a blond Huldra to the dramatic waterfalls asking
to...

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Our Darkest Day Is The Last
Has it really came that fast?
I remember wen I was young 
Playing with friends... Just having fun
But nowadays I have new friends
Even though I know my first friendships will never end
The...

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(What Susie Did Next)






Little Susie had peed her new pants 
Such an unfortunate circumstance
In front of her mother 
She blushed a red colour … 
Then invented the ‘Wet knickers’ dance!

Mum's reaction to this was not...

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as i go to bed,
i lay down my little head
so many dreams in my mind,
if they were real
i would be blind,

my thoughts go wild 
when i am asleep.
dreams of places
and people i meet, 

so deep...

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Rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific

You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted for...

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My garden backs onto a farm
Which shouldn’t cause any alarm
With so much fresh air
I’m glad I live there 
And only one thing spoils its charm

I feed the birds and feral cats
At night I enjoy watching...

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