'i Think I Killed Grandpa'
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and forgive me for saying
that I hated the music grandpa’s record player was playing.
It was from the forties as if I should be rumba swaying.
So I ran to the player and shut it off without thinking,
poor grandpa falls to the floor I notice he’s not blinking.
Grandma rubbed her eyes from drowning in whisky drinking.
I was in shock! Then I checked his pulse and no throbbing.
Crazy Uncle Stan was so dramatic and began sobbing,
as his hands clutched his face with his head bobbing.
I felt terrible, yet grandpa was a nuisance to only me,
So on my face was a smile hoping no one could see.
For my grandpa kicked the bucket! I was floored with glee.
His cruelty in my youth always gave me a complex.
Always shrugging me off during kindergarten projects.
He’d say, “We’re Slovakian, not one of those Czechs!”
God forbid I be a child who loves being in America!
One time he totally embarrassed my cousin Erica.
He farted loudly at her graduation and caused hysteria!
So when I saw the strung lights fall over him I smirked.
Grandma still so intoxicated she saw him and twerked.
Maybe she was excited he was gone and got perked?
All I know is that Christmas Eve this year I was amazed
at how I think I killed grandpa and grandma isn’t phased.
“For I am now an American hero, not a Slovak crazed!”
Just then I saw grandpa’s middle finger begin to twitch,
I said aloud, “maybe in death you still have an itch?”
Uncle Stan stopped weeping and turned the switch
of the record player on and guess what we really saw?
Grandpa’s eyes open wide; for we were all in awe!
He jumped up and his dentures he began to gnaw.
We were curious as to why the player was the cause
of grandpa dying, then Uncle Stan started the applause.
“O, take him back with you, I beg dear Santa Claus!”
I guess every year forties music will be played, no doubt,
so that grandpa will live another year…I WANNA SHOUT!
“What’s that Uncle Stan? Grandma is still passed out???”
The Night Before Contest
Joseph May
November 29, 2018
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