Long Excretory Poems

Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days...

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Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable

which poetic product best be affixed 
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune...

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Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... turgid song redux,
a worse hellish fate than perdition really sucks

As of early morning
today - September 8th, 2022,
I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found...

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Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I...

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Ability to defecate wildly swings (both ways)...
between incontinence and constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome i.e.
the former excretory bout I address
the above (polite way to phrase diarrhea)
and avoid moon efficient cheekiness,
yours truly doth buttress,
a literal warranted pain in...

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I seethe with livid rage within the bowels of my being
when sitting upon the porcelain goddess ample defecation doth cling
immediately triggering an internal self hatred 
   charge of body electric to signal an...

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Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... redux
a worse hellish fate than perdition

At least forty eight hour time span
lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry
explaining how yours truly 
felt he would die
an undertaking malaise
found me experiencing physical...

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Purgative debacle debilitated me December 18th, 2020

Hoop fully adequately explains
source of odoriferous dry rot,
ye possibly smell, I jot
within this reasonable rhyme
without putting Johnny on the spot
my absence NOT attending fellowship,
today December 20th, 2020
albeit remotely, cuz...

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Prune juice as effective emetic

Brainstorming yields casting 
the following plumbline 
netting genetic, italic, kinetic, 
magnetic, opportunistic, quixotic,
synchronistic, and universalistic result.

Ofttimes I experience constipation bout,
and thus the missus pours me a class
of natural laxative with clout
nursing...

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While out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
     where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
     despite without doubt...

if closing distance
     (to...

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aye savor the faire genetic blueprint 
   extant unique to each of us 
   with this quite alimentary aire 
   including (that almighty, 
   bottom, cushiony, dimpled,...

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Futile effort to plunger the clogged kitchen sink...
courtesy malfunctioning garbage disposal

which won't be removed
by onsite maintenance man
UNTIL/UNLESS 
fruit fly excreta wiped off
(impossible to access)
areas along bathroom and kitchen walls
so communicated "the warden."

Thus we (yours truly...

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less than twenty four hours after dashing off a poem 
   explaining why i wanted to die
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis, 
   a bowel movement wherein waste unable...

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Less than twenty-four hours after dashing off a poem 
   explaining why i wanted to die
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis, 
   a bowel movement wherein waste unable to...

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(alternately titled:
Pee pee song and dance routine)

Invariably analogous setting
kickstarts schlemiel to agitate
excretory mechanism linkedin,
viz body electric doth actuate
merely upon turning faucet triggers
unstoppable onset to micturate

drinking coffee or caffeinated tea
also functions as diuretic
mimics similar rush'n spate
oh...

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The kidneys are so beautifully organized; 
We are bless to have two inside.
There are two kidneys, each about the size of a fist.
From God it is a beautiful gift.
They are such a positively divine precision.
Such...

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