Long Buyer Poems
Long Buyer Poems. Below are the most popular long Buyer by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Buyer poems by poem length and keyword.
Real Estate Jargon Explained
By Elton Camp
When a house is for sale there’s good reason why
Trouble can come to anyone who advertises a lie
If the sellers certain expressions carefully choose
It will become easy the careless buyer to confuse
“This house is simply loaded with charm.”
Means we hope old and ugly won’t alarm
If you see it’s a “Pet friendly neighborhood,”
Dog manure in your yard should be understood
The praising note, “Easy access to the freeway”
Means thousands will pass your house each day
Beware the notation of “Low maintenance lot.”
Since neither front nor back yards have you got
“Historic house maintained in its original state”
It is a run-down old relic that you soon will hate
“It’s a doll house that you are going to adore.”
The house’s tiny rooms you’ll come to deplore
“The dwelling is located on a fine corner lot”
Then traffic both front and sides you have got
If the place is described as “Ready to move in,”
Then painted with the cheapest grade it has been
“A desirable neighborhood” means that its location
Has made it overpriced due to a snobbish reputation
If of “In-city living” the seller proudly does tell
Not safe to walk after dark it should say as well
If it is a “Handy-man special,” then better look out
The old place is ready to collapse without any doubt
If the advertisement should say, “Lots storage space,”
The basement is nothing but a dark, moldy disgrace
If the selling point is of “Seasonal water view,”
It means water was visible before the trees grew
If the seller says that “All your lot is usable land,”
You can know that not a single tree still does stand
If “Close to shopping” the advertisement does call
It means your backyard is adjacent to the big mall
When the imperative is that you must “See inside,”
It has a horrid exterior that is impossible to hide
If it is happily described as “Cozy, it should be read
That no room is big enough to contain a full-size bed
This is how “Make an offer” you actually should take:
It’s been long on the market so don’t make a mistake
The inviting phrase is “Watch wildlife from your patio”
You can expect to get ticks and fleas if outside you go
So if your house purchase in a year you will praise,
Watch carefully for the real meaning of each phrase
Many British Thermal Units needed...
To heat these lovely bag of bones
more so than required to generate clones
aging musculoskeletal physique groans
kvetching synonymous nsync with exactly
indistinguishable among where generic
garden variety alter kocker and/or like
mummified Pharaoh moans.
Hence, I will beg, borrow or steal,
as profound philosophical thinker
oh no... no... no, this
non smoking bandit, nor drinker
will explain to police officer,
that me willingly doth plead
guilty as freshly showered stinker
without spectacles yours truly
can only blinker
if nabbed do time inside
state of the art clinker,
where ample heat warms hoodwinker
covering mine rickety musculoskeletal,
while escorted to attend requisite
appointment with headshrinker.
Token Doubting Thomas here
resorts to life of
petty crime without fanfare
for this common man
dirt poor bloke who doth air
(not that anybody
will rat's a$$, nor care
a jot regarding me
squalid financial welfare),
but analogous to Scrooge
grossly dislikes Xmas time of year
not always the case, cuz as lad din
Southeastern Montgomery County
one cute little boy with
short cropped hair,
(a 'curse unbiased
opinion), aye declare
Santa Claus and shopping amidst
madding crowd no living nightmare
like today December eighteenth
tooth how sinned nineteen
bajillion people angrily glare
with livid rage expect
whistleblowing thru air
courtesy bull-let-in aiming crosshair,
whereat vendors pushing merchandise
hooping he/she can scare
up brisk business, hence
caveat emptor i.e. buyer beware
aside from aforementioned
hypothetical scenario - won't ever
occur within glorious land
of bilk and money
America, the home of the free..., where
distribution of wealth very unfair.
Yukon still enjoy of beauty,
this po' witless can bet
dollars to donuts without
spending yourself silly
garnering mountain due of debt
subsequently weeping
(think guitar coming
unstrung at every fret),
thus... ya gotta get get
aware simple pleasures
experience mindfulness, such as
zipping across globe on private jet
hobnobbing with rich and famous,
then swing by utmost secluded un convent
chin null monastery, and meet...
nun other than one cell bated abbott.
A true story.
Here I was,
23 or 24...
Classed an "Executive"
NYC Dept Store Chain,
"Executive" label meant
I could work overtime
For one half of my normal salary...
But a fool sees stars
Where he should see crime
Promoted "Furniture Buyer"....
Big Ticket spot....
They seemed out to prove
Smart I was not.
Big Furniture Market,
High Point, N.C.,
Invited out to dinner,
By big shot vendor....
Oh...whoop, whoop, yea!
Of course, my stuffy boss
was there,
In the next chair
At this odd restaurant...
"The Factory" it's name,
After that night,
I was never looked at the same....
Big shot, Big City....
Big Fool....
It wasn't pretty....
The menu did start
Entrees priced more
Than my annual salary
And I'm confused
There's a boiler next to me!
So this Big City Buyer,
In his $99.00 suit
Ordered a shrimp cocktail,
Oh, what a hoot!
Lights flashing....
Like Studio 54
I had no idea
What I was in for!
Got my shrimp cocktail,
Oh, I do love my shrimp!
But the lemon wedge,
Was wrapped up
My mind now a' crimp
In this decorative yellow stuff,
All fit with a bow....
How do I open it, I wondered...
I wanted to know...
But I'm a Big Shot NYC Buyer,
Sure, I've seen it all....
How dare these dumb hicks...
Have such a gall!!
I took my fork,
I took my knike....
I started trying to open
This thing like....
It meant my very life!
I was struggling,
And sweating,
And frustrated and mad
Got some of the weirdest looks
I ever have had...
These Carolina Hicks...
Out to make a fool of me...
Slowly I realized
Everyone looking at me...
My boss's eyes swollen
In shame
How dumb his young buyer
Should be in a cornfield
And call himself "Town Crier"
Eventually I learned....
This stuff was called
"Cheese-cloth"
Ridiculous I thought...
No cheddar or swiss
Like this had I ever bought...
In silence I remained
Through the rest of my meal....
To me the biggest embarrassment
To me the biggest deal....
Big City Hot Shot Buyer...
Dumb as a farm hand.....
Put in a Manhattan restaurant...
Without but a strand....
Of what was, what wasn't
Of how, and of why...
All I wanted to do
Is to crawl under a rock
And die!
(This is true!!!)
Paternal grandmother's headstone - Beth David, Elmont, Long Island
Shaindel (Sadie), variant of Shana Harris
died May 13th, 1959 exquisitely chiseled
alphanumeric characters legibly engraved
sepulchral casket entombing lovely bones
deoxyribonucleic acid repurposed into me
Matthew Scott Harris patronymic protector,
when I die taking family surname to netherland
who unwittingly named his youngest daughter
after his recently deceased father's mother.
Mortality encompasses subsequent cremation
never mind death of yours truly unbeknownst
mine soul will migrate towards deceased kith
kindred folks only known courtesy genealogy
descendents called Eastern Europe homeland
upon landing at Ellis Island émigrés hugged
immigration officials and illegibly scribbled
unpronounceable/ unreadable birth names
subsequently adopting common shorthand.
Chromosomes reconstituted genetic material
gifted from forebears ecstatic immigrants apt
to be regaled by relatives hustling newcomers
into fast paced frenzy, the latter gesticulating
at cityscape marveling over hubbub jabbering
babble synchronized in tandem with hawkers
and vendors selling, peddling comestibles,
gewgaws, papers, et cetera predating buyer
beware analogous to innocents abroad say
by George an American in Paris humming
Rhapsody in Blue.
Agog regarding novel sights never seen within
father/mother land, viz supposed New World
blitzkrieg eventually quieted, relegated, shelved...
analogous by Dickens perusing tchotchkes
commonly found within olde curiosity shop,
yet no matter acclimatization arose espying
eye opening merchandise, the dirt poor status
regarding bloodlines a couple generations ago
immediate deterrent experienced by Aaron
Harris (papa's father) as a boy, who provided
for his family, their hardscrabble existence
only somewhat alleviated thru hook and crook.
Please pardon poetic license usurped,
especially slight exaggeration of penury
promulgated concerning up by bootstraps
scenario evinced by paternal grandfather
after he attained and emerged out boyhood,
though destitution imprinted thru his infancy
until growing up hardened qua hard school
of knocks limiting him to eighth grade education.
It all started when I took a typing test
I did 95 words per minute and made two errors
The requirement was 50 or more words
Human Resources was impressed and set up the Department interview
It was my history in becoming 33 years ago
This is my personal streaming flow
Now let’s start the show
The date was June 21, 1982
The name of R.H. MACY & CO., INC., but consumers know the company as “MACY’S”
My venture beginning on the 14th Floor at FLAGSHIP HERALD SQUARE TOWER
My schedule was 9:30 AM to 6:00 PM of my precise hour
The Division was the CORPORATE BUYING OFFICE
The task was Telecommunications under the title of TELEX OPERATOR
I was communicating all around Macy’s and the Globe
There is much more in suppose
Later the Department was changed to a Document & Financial Word Processing Center
I was typing Documents & Financial detail as a Lead Operator
Now I must move fast forward
But I must move onward
I worked in numerous departments such as Financial Planning/Budgets, Legal Office,
Administration, Executive Office’s and much more
Remember “MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET”
Well I actually lived the actual event of the days of MACY’S AND GIMBELS era
There was competition between the two companies
Rivalry was also accompanied
Because of a Macy’s Buyer and a Gimbel’s Buyer would often have lunch and discuss what both companies were doing
We were sent an email from our former Macy’s CEO that we are not to talk to Gimbel’s about Macy’s Business
1985, I communicated as a Telex Operator with NBC-TV of the MACY’S THANKSGIVIING
DAY PARADE
I have been trained under the LEADERSHIP OF CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER AND SENIOR
VICE PRESIDENT OF OPERATIONS
I have been exposed to two mergers first being FEDERATED DEPARTMENT STORES, INC. AND
Later with MAY COMPANY
Since those 33 years, FEDERATED DEPARTMENT STORES, INC. changed their name to MACY’S, INC.
But the funny part about that is, Federated often said they don’t want to see anything with the Macy’s name on it, but being Macy’s had the name is what brought Federated Fame
Because of the change, my future will be a rearrange
Four years from now, I plan to retire
There’s my year’s of full tenure employ
Eyes on retirement will be my joy.
A brush paints a picture like poetry on a page
Colors; for faded love but bathed in the brightest rays
It paints a picture of two lives, fading in graying years
Painting on a worn-out canvas, happiness and tears.
A portrait painted with pride, once worth taking the risk
Strokes painted in splinter, but underneath cracks exist
A picture hiding deception from a life unraveling in fears. A portrait painted on canvas and stained with a million tears. Memories, try to stitch and pull a sagging canvas in vain. Too much pride to cover the cost, answers back with pain So clean around the edges, through the heart, a knife, a slice.
With so much bad to tip the scale, the good must sacrifice
A painting of a sad, sad story and hangs there until the end.
Each kiss that caressed the canvas slipped away by the stroke of a pen. Hearts, peeled and broken, good times fall to the past Dreams left on the canvas. fading love that failed to last. Smiles conceal the hurt that’s tailor made to weep. Hangs there on a wall of honor but shades of pain bleeds deep. Bright colors camouflage the flaws, for beauty, a portrait thrives to betray. Now, the brushes are cleaned and conditioned and carefully put away. There remains a picture, tossed away for the buyer to collect
A blacken hue, cracked and stained, no conditioner can correct
A love now lost to memories and fading away with time
Golden rings under the looking glass, the seller’s grandest find
I studied cosmology for 4 years before I realized there was no mention of make-
up or hair styling.
I saw the movir "Superfly", and didn't understand why they never even showed a
zipper!
I wanted Lasix surgery- but, due to being stupid, I wound up with Latex surgery;
now I have "boobs".
I love movies- and had my heros- and I was classified a "copy cat". But I got tired
of the hair balls in my throat.
I'm probably the only one who considered suicide by H-bomb.
I ordered a "Blair" catalogue, expecting a book about witches.
I had a car I nicknamed "Flattery" 'cause it got me nowhere.
Ever notice that some hospitals have a "detox" ward? Does that mean that
somewhere there's a "tox" ward?
I'm a musician-I've been, for years, trying to join a "Rubber Band". Guess that's a
stretch, huh?
My house is so messy, I don't remember the color of my carpet.
I used to be a department store buyer. But I could never afford to buy stores.
I suffered from chronic pain for years. Then I got divorced.
All this talk about "role models"- boy- just go to the bakery!
I have a very high IQ- but in my case it means "Idiot Quota".
Someone once scolded me about my self-depreication. I replied-"It's better than
self defecation!"
Everytime I went to the psych ward I signed in as "Randall P. McMurphy" true!
confused? see "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest".
Russian? I don't know, they seem to move pretty slow to me.
Napoleon Bonaparte? I don't know, I've had a number of Napoleons from
various bakeries; I never found any bones.
I guess the Nazis must'a needed a lot of underarm deodorant.
Cell phone? I don't know- seems like being in prison is hardly worth it.
If we capture Osama Bin Laden, instead of death, I'd make him watch Billy Mays
commercials 24/7. (Too gruesome to even think of!)
Jock itch is a bit_h. Glad I'm not a "jock".
Wars never end, they just change names.
I once spent a winter in my old home, alone- no heat, no gas, no phone,no
food,sometimes no electricity. Ever have your underwear frozen fast to your
body? True!!
Well, my friends, till we meet again! Here's to Soup!
Salesman: “Can I help you? Yes sir. Yes Sir!
Well, you’ve come to the right place.
Our own lineup has won awards
We lift you up through time and space!”
Buyer: “Why, yes, I am. That’s a fact.
But I’ll be careful to decide.
When I do buy, I want the best
So don’t take me for a ride.”
Buyer: “No cigars or reflective globes,
I want style and sharp and sleek.
And it must swirl just out of range
They might come up to take a peek.
I need a ramp to shoot straight out
Or a pod that will reach the ground.
I would like a quiet downshift
So I can land without a sound
From zero to post light warp drive
It must hover and not just float
I can not deal with under steer,
I want sports car without the bloat.”
Salesman: “We integrate one straight from spec
And customize it to your needs
You should know our reputation
We are the one who really leads.”
Buyer: “It must have the finest force field
And nova lights across the tail.
Phasers and disintegrators
Must be standard or no sale.
Does it contain a COSMOS map?
So I can go anywhere I please
No incidents with the natives
I want to come and go with ease.
I want the newest type of GORT
He can shamble or he can stride
I want some muscle in the ship
When I suit up and take a ride.”
Salesman :“Of course, yes sir, of course you do.
Your choice of suits is here for you
Well, first there is the standard white: Buyer: “(No, that’s too passé.)
Shimmering like the Robinsons: (Ahem, much too gaudy.)
Subtle silver much like Klaatu: (No, that’s not really me.)
Or the basic Roswell glimmer:” (Okay, I’ll take it.)
(That’s the one for me!)”
Buyer: “I have a trip, I wish to make.
Away so far, a yellow star
There’s an orb, the third one out
So blue and green, it must be see!”
Salesman: “Very good! Congratulations!
Sir, you’ve made a splendid choice
Will you pay for that in Vorax?
(But we also accept quasars.)”
My realization of Miracle on 34th Street that came to life
My years working for Macy’s Corporate at the Flagship Herald Square Tower
It was the Macy’s and Gimbel’s competitive era
The miracle started with Macy’s was planning a big advertising campaign
The story begins with a Macy’s Buyer and Gimbel’s Buyer having lunch
Both Buyers asked the same question of what was happening at both companies
Macy’s and Gimbel’s were foes
Being both dominance on Herald Square back then, and Macy’s still is
They always had to outdo the other
As it turned out, the Macy’s Buyer told the Gimbel’s Buyer exactly what was happening at Macy’s
So how, Gimbels heard about the advertising campaign that Macy’s was going to illustrate
For Gimbels that was an appreciate
Strategy beat to the punch
Gimbel’s presented Macy’s advertising campaign making it there’s
This made Mr. Edward Finkelstein, Macy’s former CEO President frustrated
Mr. Finkelstein had another theory with another idea
Counter attack being that Mr. Finkelstein had someone spy on Gimbel’s to see what they were planning
Ready, aim and observe
Gimbel’s had their plan so sophisticated and complex that Macy’s own couldn’t figure out, but presented only a portion the best they could
The Gimbel’s plan didn’t come out the way Macy’s encountered
Macy’s loss on that score
Later that morning at precisely 10:00 am, Mr. Finkelstein had email sent to everyone at Macy’s that we are not to discuss any Macy’s business with Gimbel’s
Miracle defeat in devastation of disappointment
Nonetheless, miracle seen through both companies of Macy’s and Gimbel’s
My yesteryear back
I worked in Mr. Edward Finkelstein’s Executive Office at one time assisting Veronica, Mr. Finkelstein’s Secretary in various Typing projects
I took a Typing test at Macy’s and tested at 95 words per minute with only made on error
Because of that, I was asked from time to time to assist in his office
M. Edward Finkelstein is deceased
Miracle through being competitive
My history in exploring
My story
Miracles have it for all to remember
They can happen anywhere
Miracle on 34th Street
Upbeat and neat
daybreak calls off moon's whitewash
in the wee of this morn I startled up from what quite seemed like a crash landing from midair plunge of a fledgling's first flight—thanks to my false 'alarmers'; the plantain eaters, I take them for angry doves, and yet, the laughing doves do coo me down in these dawns. Yeah... few months ago I stood behind my window bars, peering on as usual to catch a view or Olympic squirrels hopping from branches to clumps when I saw this floundered bird, soaring downwards, dipped through and crashing into razor leave and needle sharp branch nodes and some weather eroded bamboo sticks—the first time I might have witnessed a fallen angel, it was like a burning out star, this time shooting upside down.
emergency
circling above leaf falls
hawks siren
the day getting fast heat up as noon approaches, there's a whole of this host of hawks, rounding up the clumper and close by rooftops with squeaks and squeaks upon squeaks; what I thought at first was a catch that got dropped off grasp has become the target for rescue—like a fledging hanging frail and exhausted, trapped. But, the mating season of the African Harrier Hawk is just on, so could it be a male who got attacked by another male who tries to protect its territory as these hawks are found to be monogamous? I still focus on this rare scene in the air by the arboreal.
saccade
distorts in the dry wind
dragonfly drifts
eventide's in a frenzy and row, black and white mannikins chirr and ambience suppressed as squirrels chirp, join the coucal's moans and a choral flock of yellow warblers that doesn't wobble in a field of bromes—no ventriloquist's effects. Haven flown in wavy slides up and down, skimming near to claw and drag the victim out of the snare-like nest unsuccessfully, some hawks perch to catch a breath between the laughter of doves, the plantain eaters, claiming territory on the mango tree too, crackle and chase the hawks one by one, so I wondered if the hubbub had been intended for a jeer against the predators.
jungle marketplace
each seller and buyer bears
his woven basket