Long Funnyhouse Poems
Long Funnyhouse Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnyhouse by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnyhouse poems by poem length and keyword.
My wife was in the hospital with a condition rather severe,
Her mother came to care for our son so I could visit her there.
After several days and a few long nights I suddenly needed a break
And headed home late one night for a dip in the hot tub to take.
We live in the Pacific Northwest so you know it was rainy and wet,
But with the hot tub being outside it hasn’t stopped me yet.
I didn’t want the towel to get soaked so I hung it over the chair,
And tiptoed across the deck completely and utterly bare.
Now, our back door locks with a bolt or by the handle on the door;
My wife and I only use the bolt and never used the handle before.
I forgot there was a stranger in the house who didn’t know our usual ways,
So I guess telling you I was locked outside is something I don't need to say.
The guest room is in front and she didn’t hear me from the back;
Around the house I had to trek so on her window I could tap.
Our backyard is very private so skinny dipping is our usual norm
The front of the house, not so much, a bathrobe I wished I had worn.
My mother-in-law got quite the sight when she opened the door
I don’t think we have to worry about her visiting us any more
My wife is now fine and back at home recovering oh so well
And about three thousand times a day this story she likes to tell.
True story that just happened about 2 months ago.
Early in the morning as my feet hit the floor, I jump in my britches and I’m out the door.
Down and around the corner is a mighty fine place to eat. So I hurry down to the diner at the
end of the street. Falling out of my drawers and stepping out of my shoes, I finally make it
down to the diner to share the good news. By the looks of those folks, they weren’t very
impressed and wanted to know why it was that I couldn’t stay dressed. Quick on my feet, I
began to tell my story of this new diet and all of its glory. It’s a liquid diet, I explained, and
they quickly wanted to know what the diet was named. Thinking of the night before and all
that I could recall, I gave the diet the name “Alcall”. When I finished my breakfast, I was off
again. At this time, I head to the house to see the love of my life, my wife and my friend. I
make it to the house and step through the door and I quickly discover that the place I call
home was no more. Greeting me at the door was a woman with hair that was snow-white;
with a rolling pen in her left hand and a shotgun in her right. She loaded the gun and shot me
in the rear-end, I quickly come to the realization that this is not the love of my life, my wife
and definitely not my friend. I run down the street with my drawers to my knees and my
buns on fire; calling to the Lord in a pitch that is getting higher and higher. I didn‘t make it
too far down the street when low and behold it was the law that I did meet. They slapped on
the hand-cuffs and threw me in jail and it was only until later that my wife came with bail. As
she looked at the surprised look on my face, it was the grin on hers that she couldn’t erase.
She then laughed and looked at me knowing and asked how my diet was going. It was then
that I had to declare that my new diet obviously wasn’t getting me anywhere. Due to the
convincing series of events that occurred that day, I vowed to give up my diet of “Alcall” in
every way.
Form:
I need to win the Powerball
For my house is getting small
It's not exactly what I prefer
It's just the size of my elephant herd
Ceramic, glass, plaster and wood
Plush, wax, cloth and plastic
The number of my herd is fantastic
My pachyderm collecting is understood
At first it wasn't about me
I enjoyed the symbol of the GOP
But slowly, but surely there became a need
So gathering elephants became a happy deed
Family and friends send them to me
And I delight in their generous deed
Birthdays, Holidays any occasion
I accept pachyderms of all persuasions
Pictures, carvings, pillows and dolls
Statues, figures, candles and canes
Brooches, clocks, elephants of anything
Can't stop at one so I get them all
My elephants are happy, some are sad
But I never met an elephant that was bad
Trunks up for good luck make me glad
Small elephants, large elephants more to add
My house was once room enough for me
But my pachyderm's population now exceeds
To say my space has been disturbed
No, I just need a larger house for my elephant herd
On the wall of a house I might be
Owned by *Brangelina Jolie.
There’s no real reason why.
I’m just one nosy fly.
Not to mention, Brad nude I might see!
House to house in each fine neighborhood
I’ll spy like a super fly should.
An “enquiring” mind,
Lots of scandal I’ll find.
As I fly over all Hollywood.
When I tire of the “stars,” I’ll fly to
Any place juicy plots might ensue.
Just beware. Flies like me
Are as sly as can be.
Right now I am looking at you!
*Brangelina refers to the coupleship of Brad & Angelina
I'm assuming they are still together?
For the Contest by Michael J. Falotico:
"A Fly on the Wall"