Big City, Big Shot Fool (Me)

A true story. Here I was, 23 or 24... Classed an "Executive" NYC Dept Store Chain, "Executive" label meant I could work overtime For one half of my normal salary... But a fool sees stars Where he should see crime Promoted "Furniture Buyer".... Big Ticket spot.... They seemed out to prove Smart I was not. Big Furniture Market, High Point, N.C., Invited out to dinner, By big shot vendor.... Oh...whoop, whoop, yea! Of course, my stuffy boss was there, In the next chair At this odd restaurant... "The Factory" it's name, After that night, I was never looked at the same.... Big shot, Big City.... Big Fool.... It wasn't pretty.... The menu did start Entrees priced more Than my annual salary And I'm confused There's a boiler next to me! So this Big City Buyer, In his $99.00 suit Ordered a shrimp cocktail, Oh, what a hoot! Lights flashing.... Like Studio 54 I had no idea What I was in for! Got my shrimp cocktail, Oh, I do love my shrimp! But the lemon wedge, Was wrapped up My mind now a' crimp In this decorative yellow stuff, All fit with a bow.... How do I open it, I wondered... I wanted to know... But I'm a Big Shot NYC Buyer, Sure, I've seen it all.... How dare these dumb hicks... Have such a gall!! I took my fork, I took my knike.... I started trying to open This thing like.... It meant my very life! I was struggling, And sweating, And frustrated and mad Got some of the weirdest looks I ever have had... These Carolina Hicks... Out to make a fool of me... Slowly I realized Everyone looking at me... My boss's eyes swollen In shame How dumb his young buyer Should be in a cornfield And call himself "Town Crier" Eventually I learned.... This stuff was called "Cheese-cloth" Ridiculous I thought... No cheddar or swiss Like this had I ever bought... In silence I remained Through the rest of my meal.... To me the biggest embarrassment To me the biggest deal.... Big City Hot Shot Buyer... Dumb as a farm hand..... Put in a Manhattan restaurant... Without but a strand.... Of what was, what wasn't Of how, and of why... All I wanted to do Is to crawl under a rock And die! (This is true!!!)