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Tiny Tidbits of Madness Part 4

I studied cosmology for 4 years before I realized there was no mention of make-
up or hair styling.

I saw the movir "Superfly", and didn't understand why they never even showed a 
zipper!

I wanted Lasix surgery- but, due to being stupid, I wound up with Latex surgery; 
now I have "boobs".

I love movies- and had my heros- and I was classified a "copy cat".  But I got tired 
of the hair balls in my throat.

I'm probably the only one who considered suicide by H-bomb.

I ordered a "Blair" catalogue, expecting a book about witches.

I had a car I nicknamed "Flattery"  'cause it got me nowhere.

Ever notice that some hospitals have a "detox" ward?  Does that mean that 
somewhere there's a "tox" ward?

I'm a musician-I've been, for years, trying to join a "Rubber Band".  Guess that's a 
stretch, huh?

My house is so messy, I don't remember the color of my carpet.

I used to be a department store buyer.  But I could never afford to buy stores.

I suffered from chronic pain for years.  Then I got divorced.

All this talk about "role models"- boy- just go to the bakery!

I have a very high IQ- but in my case it means "Idiot Quota".

Someone once scolded me about my self-depreication.  I replied-"It's better than 
self defecation!"

Everytime I went to the psych ward I signed in as "Randall P. McMurphy"  true!
confused? see "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest".

Russian? I don't know, they seem to move pretty slow to me.

Napoleon Bonaparte?  I don't know, I've had a number of Napoleons from 
various bakeries; I never found any bones.

I guess the Nazis must'a needed a lot of underarm deodorant.

Cell phone?  I don't know- seems like being in prison is hardly worth it.

If we capture Osama Bin Laden, instead of death, I'd make him watch Billy Mays 
commercials 24/7.  (Too gruesome to even think of!)

Jock itch is a bit_h.  Glad I'm not a "jock".

Wars never end, they just change names.

I once spent a winter in my old home, alone- no heat, no gas, no phone,no 
food,sometimes no electricity.  Ever have your underwear frozen fast to your 
body?  True!!

Well, my friends, till we meet again!  Here's to Soup!

Copyright © Tom Bell | Year Posted 2007

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