Long Applicants Poems

By George (burn hing* hard), I Shaw tried to be a stinking playwright

offers his unsolicited tidbits 
as scene courtesy 
the following virtually 
staged philosophical insight.

Arch back like 
a professional ballet dancer 
to stand out from...

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Excerpt from “fake” encomium given years ago... 
at Lake Wobegone High School (my alma mater), 

and recently discovered ridiculous rough draft
amidst plethora of junk emails
while practice reading some lines 
regarding Midsummer Night's Dream 
upcoming performance.

Arch...

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By George (burning hard), I Shaw tried to playwright

offers his unsolicited tidbits 
as scene courtesy 
the following virtually 
staged philosophical insight.

Arch back like 
a professional ballet dancer 
to stand out from other pedestrian applicants 
seeking...

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I'm scheduled to interview a few applicants for the job of master carpenter, and among them is the name of my ex. hmmm... I can't wait to see the look on his face when he...

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Fragmented fairytales, Fermented freedom
There's no remorse for the dead, this I know
For, I've been dead for far too long
While there's not one ounce of sympathy to show
Red Redemption, Rhapsody Right 
I'm bromidic, lost, shallow, cold...

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A wildflower grows on the cobblestoned streets of this dingy town,
Among the dirt and debris left behind by the seasons.
A misplaced beauty working her way up among the cracks between
the rocks of this place she...

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Lighthouse keeper vacancy announced
Envelope delivered; contents read aloud
A smile turned into laughter, then into a shout
Parents and Son hugged before he set off.

Applicants sitting quietly, Into the room strides a man 
Age etched on his...

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They all sit there lined up in a row 
Not knowing when exactly when to go 
Decisions are made on the image they are looking for 
As the applicants mumble at the door. 

Mommas got...

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Random Chance
by Rick Rucker

Should your love life be selected by Randon Chance?
Is that any way to find True Romance?

Doesn't it mean so much more,
Than casually changing your home's decor?

Tell everyone, that you are looking,
That, for...

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(The audience for this is small children who have seen the movie.)

Mary Poppins Makes a Visit

By Elton Camp

When Mary decides she wants a job
Other applicants of a chance will rob
She causes a strong wind to...

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I'm confused, mentally I'm at a crossroad 
due to years of trial & error with failed 
love attempts, a small ratio of my mind doesn't
know if she's an angel in disguise 
disguise or heaven sent...

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Do you know what it’s like
To have your freedom back at last,
To be able to choose new colours
Once pinned out of reach to the mast,
To find tho’ you’ve lost your employment,
You can still retain all...

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I sometimes have job opportunities with very great benefits and incomes,
and I'm often approached more times than none by various unemployed victims,
who ask me if I can do anything for them
to get them accepted into...

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Advice to Harvard Students.

if you pour boiling oil
on your babies head
wait until the oil price has gone down.

if you undress in a public toilet
you may meet Piers Morgan
or the police may join in.

if you steal...

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The task master walked into the room of hopeful job applicants.
All the blacks over there, he said, pointing.  No one moved.
All the whites over there, he said, pointing. No one moved.
All the people with...

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As a former executive recruiter, I used to hear about some incredible things that applicants have said on job interviews.  A few of them are a bit 'spicy' to list here, but here are...

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Seven applied for the position of traveling mayor.
Glorious sunrise shined upon the eager new applicants.
Welcome splurge of information came forth rather quickly.
We appoint watchers to take notes on contenders.

Spit dribble out of a mouth twice...

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As the chairman I invited some people for presentation
Those who didn’t get invited wanted to know the reason
A reasonable thing to know why they were not invited
But there’s something more to it than not as...

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What's fair and right we oft dismiss
While clinging to our prejudice.
But biggest biases of all
Are aimed at us, the short and small.

What's tall or towers people praise,
But opposites get no bouquets.
Short applicants are shown the...

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We have graduated from many prestigious tertiary institutions,
With flying colors,
Competent and resourceful,
But we are roaming around the streets, homeless, penniless and jobless.

We have been trained,
Under the scorching sun and in the rain,
In skill acquisition 
And...

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It’s true.  We are the largest newspaper in the nation.
We are far and away number one in circulation.
We need an elite writer to fill this position.
There must be someone talented for the morning edition.

Mr....

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It’s true.  We are the largest newspaper in the nation.
We are far and away number one in circulation.
We need an elite writer to fill this position.
There must be someone talented for the morning edition.

Mr....

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Job Seekers, Expect a Close Look

By Elton Camp 

Employers now can be highly selective
To investigate they won’t use a detective
However, it certainly is a pretty good bet
They will check applicants on the Internet

If on some...

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Young women pictured on the Net,
Their youth alone breaks hearts and yet
Somewhere that person does exist,
And may, in fact, long to be kissed.

But not by me sir not by me,
Too old for her, in fact,...

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It was a younger time,
a clunky age
a dial-up decade.

Not knowing why
or why he should not,
he sent out needy signals
into the vast unseen
seeking worlds
populated with only females.

Many were drawn into his orbit
many failed to respond.

Eventually a...

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