Long Aldi Poems

It's always Aldi on a Sunday afternoon.  You're always waiting with your shopping bags in hand, slowly trudging along with your walking stick.  It takes you ten minutes to get into the car....

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Juniper’s Daughter Picks a Man 
On a cold rainy early winter night Juniper’s Daughter landed her flying disc on the car park of Aldi and went for a beer. She was dressed in casual attire...

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Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecake - oh yum!

Hard knocks Methacton school alum
ofttimes finds ruining his fate
while squarely planted on me bum
nevertheless felt rightly triangulated 
flashed mobbed by disheveled and unshaven, 
foo fighting beastie boys
whereby their...

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I laid me body stomach down atop a grassy knoll...

here at Highland Manor Apartments
earlier today Juneteenth 2022,
(a pitch perfect spring day)
with serious intent to read
seat of the pants suspense thriller
The New Comprehensive
A-Z Crossword Dictionary.

Invariably, yours...

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The spouse betook monthly outing
today May 4th, 2022 
to 3938B Ridge Pike, 
Collegeville, Pennsylvania 19426.

No more bare cupboards,
fridge, and deep freezer
since returning with more than
our share of daily bread,
plus other sundry provisions
referring to this mister,...

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glancing at thee beautiful doll female human, 
   an aggregate of positivity arose. That four 
tut hood toward slender youthful looking chica 
   figuratively took my breath away. She galore
re: us...

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Whit dat tight till - say
yes, aye wool thank ewe
mooch at least for today
hoof fully (this Joe kerr)
can easily bide his time weigh
beef hoar rammy cows come home.

Meantime India interim
lemme clover - reaching
far out on...

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Cyril is a squirrel that comes from the Wirral, 
he looks cute and furry but he's gone a bit feral, 
Cyril dislikes foreign squirrels, 
won't hear no ifs or buts, 
he says the tide of...

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If you ever espy a latitudinally
and longitudinally challenged
older yet shopping savvy woman,
(wedded to yours truly
for almost twenty six years),
who stands approximately
four feet and ten inches
a strong hunch that gal
stacks up as mine missus,
she dons costumed...

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Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecake - oh yum!

Hard knocks Methacton school alum
ofttimes finds ruing his fate
while squarely planted on me bum
disheveled and unshaven,
whereby gray stubble encrusted
with wayward synonymous days old crumb -

after wolfing delectable entitled...

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Joyous rapture awoke sleeping animalistic giant: 
carnal, feral, gonadal horniness in deed, when defiant

this primate crossed figurative 
   paths with a stunning woman 
older than a spring chicken freed 
   via...

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Yo,
I got two titans,
They be fightin' and rightin' wrongs on the sharp curves of Nashville,
Equipped with expressive brakes,
I mean straight screamin',
Irate with hubcaps from 1993, for all to see, 
They gaze and wonda?
Why one wheel...

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Technological glitch with EBT (i.e.) food card...
at LIDL checkout line

At 4:03 PM on November first
two thousand and twenty,
the missus nsync with yours truly,
(an inimitable average Joe - cur -
biden his time at Royersford, Pennsylvania

LIDL food...

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Only six months 'til Christmas...
Yes, just six months to go- 
I'd best start making lists, 
Buying bottles for' ‘rellies' who like to get pissed
And scouring for bargains at Tesco.

Only six months since the last one...

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Six Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my MP had for free
A partridge with all the trimmings. It didn’t come from Aldi

On the second of Christmas my MP had on me
Two vintage Champagnes,...

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entered said market seconds later, 
   and dye motioned (to her) as she sigh 
lent lee reached same idle sturdy cart, 
   which ordinarily requires a quarter to pry 
loose from...

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from the book WOW! TATTOO MY BUTT -
MORE MAD POEMS AND VERSE BY NICK
By Nick Armbrister
 


Zuni
I'm the defective detective.
I marvel at the whiteness of frozen snow.
Left right upper leg.
Do you like beer?
No I like...

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A day in the life of the Evening News
Headline stories and various views
Robson Green, stole the vicars wife
I forgive him said the vicar, that's just life
An aeroplane, is hit by a drone
A girl is mugged...

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PERPETUUM MOBILE

I must go down to the pigging shops again
To Morrison, Tesco, Aldi or maybe Lidl
For I Just went there for the sodding milk in vain

How could I forget! it really is a riddle
To me,...

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