Let's not lose our lunch
or get our undies in a bunch
when apprised of
all those male vicars
compelled to infiltrate
choirboys' knickers
they may think it jolly
but I believe
they're off their trolley
at best they're jesters
at worst molesters
within the hierarchy
no matter what ranking
deserving of more than
just a damn good spanking
indeed why not weed them out
and of all the unkindest cuts
below the belt
relieve them of their nuts
An underwear brand called “Indian”
The reason for the name is simple so listen
They tend to CREEP UP
In the crack of my butt
The commercial shows this guy 'a-pickin'
To boldly stand before me nude
Is something I consider rude,
Your secrets presenting like food,
While the very act is damned rude…
What you might achieve I can’t say
But I could swear you did not pray:
Against Temple of God ‘Treason’
At a time judged Holy Season…
High time you edged out of my way,
Though I’m very sure I can’t stray,
Even as my knickers now quake
With its First Tenant wide awake…
Very clear the way we reason
Could our world turn into prison…
Her knickers are frilly and red,
she wears 'em except in her bed,
she's known in the town
for yanking 'em down,
and whirling 'em high overhead!
written 12th May for Tania's limerick contest
'Twas an unpleasant night for Santa Claus
When discovered he had pooped his drawers
From a rooftop he fell
Spread around was the smell
When he frightfully landed on all fours
Poor Santa was in such a lot of pain
For his knees had opened a sewer drain
He was cleaned with a hose
From his head to his toes
But the red pants of his suit had a stain
All the reindeer tried to hide their snickers
Rudolph's nose blinked off and on in flickers
Good thing Santa wore tights
To cover his 'delights'
Which were exposed when he dropped his knickers
I'm looking for knickers and it's a worry;
What'll I do if I'm caught in a hurry?
(These days my signals have got a bit blurry.)
I've looked in the closet and under the bed.
I know that's strange but who knows where I'll shed?
I've found only two and I know there were more.
They're not in the dryer nor in the wrong drawer,
Not on the line or in the fridge door.
(You'll gather by this that I've lost things before!)
What have I done? Have I made a mistake or
Could it be that I've harbored an underpants taker?
Are you missing frilly knickers
Trimmed with lace for city slickers?
Japan's panty line
Will lead to a shrine*
Blessed with love and local liquors!
*Everywhere we lived, my wife's
frilly knickers disappeared from the
clothesline, so I LOL when NHK reported
a Japanese shrine with a "Drop Your Drawers
Here!" slot for women to stuff their panties
so a priest could sniff out appropriate prayers
and ablutions to ensure pregnancy. 2,000-years,
and Christians couldn't think of that?
Eye contact that releases “Sweet Hello”
And as many times “Sweeter Cheerio”,
Budding love sung with optical stereo
The kick started by A Romeo.
Eye Contact that says “Nice to Know you”
Though I’ve yet to be told “who”
Wires of love spark in her eyes,
Speedy request for his names wise
A longing to have her number
His first call to be sure a Bomber!
Eye contact praying for the others E-mail
And this goal achieving without fail
Plus the Spellbinder's residential address
One’s first visit in adorable dress.
But suggest I won’t eye contact
By Adam and Eve disdaining Tact;
Mine happened to have been a rushed pact
That Lord God and Christ lacked…
To soon a relationship enter
With libido at its center;
A love affair start having,
With a precious lot waiving…
Chiefly, knickers, dropping on the floor
Just beside a hurriedly slammed door!
A young girl who lost her knickers
Grew tired of hearing the snickers
"Well, urine luck!"
Cried Donald, "Duck!
I have Hello Kitty stickers!"
She wore high-heeled, pointy-toed kickers
Like American city slickers
Walked out on the ice
Against all advice
Promptly fell down and soiled her knickers
Sweet Sundae has got windy knickers,
No she hasn’t been eating baked beans,
It’s a game for her lovely daughter,
And it’s not about farting it seems!
You must help granny peg out washing,
Because today it’s her washing day,
If you land on the sun you can help her,
But a tornado will blow clothes away!
If you land on a cloud miss a turn,
A rain cloud means your washing comes in,
But landing on a storm you should spurn,
All clothes blow off much to your chagrin!
Now Sundae’s enjoying these ‘wash days’
As she sits with her huge glass of gin
Sundae watches as her daughter plays
Both are happy you should see them grin!
Thanks to my sweet friend Sundae for telling me about this game … she said she saw it and thought of me!
09/21/20
Houdini was a master of illusion it's said
Escaping from handcuffs while chained to a bed
Like the sex games we play
When our partner must obey
Wearing a mask and her knickers on my head
The ladies are the blessing of all mankind
If all of us were male, who'd be there to remind
Us to change our knickers
Or trim our whiskers
So thank goodness for all ye ladies so refined
When I courted my Valentine
Frilly knickers hung on the line
But now that we've wed
Its bloomers instead
Although starkers suits her just fine!
There was once a lady called Mable
Whose knickers were up to her navel
Her cupboards were bare
There was no underwear
So she nicked them from where she was able
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