I'm looking for knickers and it's a worry;
What'll I do if I'm caught in a hurry?
(These days my signals have got a bit blurry.)
I've looked in the closet and under the bed.
I know that's strange but who knows where I'll shed?
I've found only two and I know there were more.
They're not in the dryer nor in the wrong drawer,
Not on the line or in the fridge door.
(You'll gather by this that I've lost things before!)
What have I done? Have I made a mistake or
Could it be that I've harbored an underpants taker?
O' boy; have you all heard the street gossip today
Mrs. Pringle at No. 9 is having a bad hair day
Mr. Ellis at No. 4 had a shave, as cut his chin
Danny at No. 21 threw his cat out in the bin
Her at No. 30, preggers yet not a man in tow
No. 11 the neighbours from hell really need to go
Postman is having an affair with her at No. 5
No darn wonder, our post is so late to arrive
Johnny at No. 37 has got himself a new motor
Him at No. 41 drains have got a funky odour
The knicker thief at No. 59 is kinda of weird
Her at No. 3 all her bloomers have disappeared
Who am I, I’m not telling, you know how the street gossip
But I did hear No. 47 on passing, say morning trollop
Piss
I tell missy for class say;
Aunty, i want to go and piss
Naim everybody con begin to de laugh,
Auty coman get angry and get up and shout
'Class if i hear pim again'
Anty na look at my side and talk say,
You this child;
You can not come and kill me in this school,
Now correct yourself in good English
Before i flog your bum bum,
'I wan to go outside and wee wee anty' please
As the piss don catch me well well
I now run straight from inside class to lavatory.
In the lavatory, i see many many big big ;
Some black, brown, water - water and
small small worm everywhere,
It is not working again
So it is smelling bad bad
And teacher say dirty environment
Is germs and disease place
I now coman run to the bush
In the back of lavatory to piss
Kr kr kr kr
The zipper didn't want to open
So i now draw my school knicker down
And lowered my pant,
'Pss psssssssssss pss pss.
Pr pr pr pr prrrrrrrrrrrrr
Leki kettle way de blow whistle.
After i now finish pissing,
I shake my thing very well so the last drop
do not stain my cloth
So my Classmate will not say
I piss on my body and start calling me
"Pissi pissi for body".
Ghops
We’ve done our weekly shopping
and I need to use the loo
arriving at the ladies
There is a massive queue
I stand in line cross legged
there are six in front of me
I wish people would hurry up
Cos I’m bursting for a pee
A mum arrives with her toddler
who is doing the wet knicker dance
she cries out very loudly
'I’ve gone and peed my pants'
We usher them in front of us
It’s the kindest thing to do
at least it’s only urine
and not a smelly pooh
Finally it’s my turn
and I sidle into the stall
then I notice the loo roll dispenser
which is fixed onto the wall
There’s a minute amount of toilet paper
poking out of the hole in the middle
I find emergency supplies in my handbag
I keep some spare to use when I piddle
My hubby will be patiently waiting
he’ll be playing spider solitare
next time I’m gonna use the gents loos
because there’s never a queue in there!
4/18/19
bougainvillea vine
tendrils crept up balcony
t’was our washing line!
Inspired by but not for Contest
100% true story no poetic licence at all!
Many years ago my parents had a villa in Spain, my sister and I would go and stay. We’d wash our smalls and swimming costumes and drape them on the balcony wall to dry. One windy day we discovered them adorning the Bougainvillea. It hadn’t escaped our neighbour Zac’s notice and from that day on it was known as ‘the knicker tree’
3/23/19
First,he opened the door,
The door of his deflowered ear.
Yea,he wants to be sure,
Sure of the languorous fairs.
Locked suit,dready boots,moistured knicker,
Grey sock,plastered brows and holy snickers.
Set for the journey,
Listening competition,listening/idea hunting.
He has no idea,
No idea of success;for all life cares.
No one to accompany him,
None!; heir,hermit,priest nor cherubims.
Myopic in the journey ,he fell into a laterine.
Note: Still listening!
You can't,in this life,hear all,
Assimilate little and go,else you fall.
c.2017
Old Jack the knicker stripper
Took his well-oiled snippers
And off into the night he went
To cause havoc he had intent
Looking for ladies of the night
& give them one 'ell of a fright
A glitter of a coin brought 'em close
Soon they were left in a faintly pose
He'd snip their garments head to toe
With an intention we will never know
Next day each lady was found knickers adrift
A price they paid for doing their immoral shift
The coin that glittered - no longer to be seen
As Jack the knicker stripper was far to mean
He may of left them with their dignity in tact
But never would they get their knickers back
Some whom may say he’s related to our Jack
The one in the park who wears out but a mac
Rats rats rats
I’m scared of creepy crawly rats
Thay have beedy eyes and a long slivering tail
And the ones around here are as big as cats.
Rats rats rats
There’s countless millions everywhere
Nesting in your knicker draw
And crawling trough your hair
Rats rats rats
I was staggering home pickled from the pub last night
When I saw the whole ground move like a giant carpet
It gave me such a fright
They can crawl from the sewer into your toilet bowl
And bite you on your bum
So always check you haven’t one.
Rats rats rats
Their dirty and have fleas
They breed and multiply so fast
And they say they spread disease
When I'm in my bed at night
i get under the covers
Holding my pillow tight
Just in case one crawls through the window
What a fright..
Rats rats rats
Their intelligent creatures so they say
I’d never hurt a tame one
Just keep them rats away.
peter dome. Copyright.2015.Dec.
First read Jan Allisons, "One lonely musky tear"
One Lonely Musketeer
Tiss true I have me comrades
Men at arms, one for all and all for one
When it comes to love, seems I ride alone
A big nose of whiskey, the ladies seem to run
My sword may latch on to a knicker or two
Those lassies sure do run fast, they do
I serenade them with inebriated rhymes
They laugh and say I am out of me mind
I shall conquer armies on horse and sword
The thorn of the rose, and scorn of me mistress
Shall be my ultimate demise
One lonely Musketeer
Knobby knees unfold
Awkward & wobbling to n fro-
The colt tries to stand,
Gently caressed by
His dam's soft prodding nose-
He falls down again,
Instinct pushes him
He must try and try again-
Moms knicker assures,
In an effort grand
He does it! Does it right then-
Staggering he falls....
And
As the hours pass
The colt burns across the field-
Mother at his heels!
motif: Natural
Mum..Why did you give me lego hair.?
To upstage my Alan Carr teeth
And stretch that grey nylon pinefore
Tight
To ridicule my chubby young knees
And why dear mummy
Was my elastic bands so tight
As they struggled around my chubs
Was Battleship grey
The fashion
Of socks those days..
Dear mummy
.
Me thinks not!
He hit the downbeat, found the blues,
Not to mention having no clues.
The jazz man could improvise and drag,
'Bad Penny Blues' an infamous rag.
Slurring between riffs with such ease,
Trumpet proud he stood out from the sleaze.
Vamp chords repeated for our delight,
dissonance of students in bars each night.
Jazz club hero Humph always will be,
Jam sessions when all tried to follow thee.
And though no fun for your vetting,
His music alone was knicker-wetting!
If you'd see what I see
On sunny afternoon
Someone bathing half naked
Licking ice-cream from a spoon
Another wriggle, there she is
Nudging up her bra
Trying to adjust knicker elastic
Up whose bum has gone to far
A caterpillars life
Is far from bored I'll have you know
Politically correct it's such a hoot
Wow, way to go!