I heard
what you said
But not
what you meant
Your words
but a smokescreen
Belying
intent
Each one
deftly crafted
To lure
and delude
Anointing
your weakness
Blaspheming
— Saint Jude
(Chicago’s South Side: July, 2026)
All of the apostles forsook him.
Peter denied him.
I betrayed him.
Jesus never stopped loving us.
I gave him a kiss of death.
He still called me friend.
Peter was later convicted
And cried bitter tears.
He returned to his Lord.
I acknowledged my wrong,
But refused to live with myself.
Peter received God's forgiveness.
His name is loved by thousands.
I never sought God's forgiveness.
Do you know any who have my name?
There it is
Shadow rising to the top
Like scum from a fresh milking
I can not turn away
Glimpses flash
A rattling doorknob
My body feels heavy
Terror
My bedroom window
Footprints in the snow
Laughing at my suspicion
But it happened
My womb fell out
My barrenness returned
The sacred moments, scarred
Intimacy, indistinguishable
Fog, so much density
Questions without answers
Accusations without provocation
Grief
Smudges on my glasses
A cross stands in my heart
Denial drives the nails
But it happened
My BODY kept the memory, though my mind broke under Judas
Written by Trudy Schrader on 12-8-2025
The Intersecting Lanes of Judas Kiss and Street Justice
Sometimes our greatest enemy is not the person we keep at a distance in our life. It is not even the enemy that lives within us. But is found in the hypocrisy of the one that is in our inner circle that wears the guise of a friend. To that disloyal,back stabbing rat whos lips are lace with the poison of Judas. To that one we take by force through calculated action. Either by by feet, or by hair, we drag that one to the lanes of where judas kiss and street justice meet.
Leather hide-wild eye
What should I do
Blackened mind
Borrowed time
Trading pieces
Of myself
For thirty silver coins
It was not the curse that made him leave,
but the silence in the eyes of the Beloved.
There, in the moment when the wine turned too red,
and the bread lost the taste of forgiveness,
Judas understood that God
cannot be bought
but can be sold.
Thirty pieces of silver,
heavy as a mother’s silence after her son’s death,
cold as the hand that no longer reaches out
when you collapse
under the weight of choice.
He was not evil,
only too human
to forgive the light
that asked for nothing.
He kissed Him not like a friend,
but like a wound
that could not be spoken.
That kiss was not betrayal,
but a desperate attempt
to stop Him
from becoming more than what a heart of flesh can grasp.
And perhaps he never meant to lose Him,
only to make Him remain man
a little longer,
one more miracle,
one more night without a cross.
But God does not negotiate
with fear,
nor with love shattered in the corner of a left eye.
He walks all the way to the end,
even when Judas weeps
in the tree where fruit no longer grows,
only questions.
And between good and evil,
Judas was the bridge,
burned at both ends,
so that we
could cross
without falling.
Unlike Adam, Satan was not made from clay
One day, he chose to go his own way
He appeared to Judas with very little to say
Not even to say, 'Hey'
Nor did he come to play
Not even for a day
He did not come to pray
But only to create disarray
Could Judas have said. 'Nay'?
Or was it too cloudy and grey?
Jesus said, 'woe', to him who would betray
Upon his heart, guilt would forever lay
Jesus called Judas, 'Friend'
But that was before Satan entered in
His trust was betrayed
We followed dismayed
It's not surprising
Judas is rising
Now nailed on a cross
His death was our loss
There's no disguising
Judas is rising
In shame there he stands
With blood on his hands
Justice is calling
Judas is falling
Betrayal's kiss was liquidly subtle, wet with firm
intuition
It's knowing lips soft & unassuming exuded
an aura of lust
Full of temptation it beckoned me portraying
illusions of trust,
but behind the mask were sharp teeth seeking
bloody incisions
The intimacy came with bad intentions closely
guarding its actions,
but being adjacent afforded insight into its
deadliest passions
My reaction were firewalls to be erected
at once,
as I stood in the middle of 2 pillars pondering
destruction of fronts
The aforementioned affront was spoken of to
the deepest of mind,
but was ignored as toxic venom intoxicated
the mind
The silver lining? A coined phrase hanging
like ropes from a tongue
"Make sure that you look before you leap" as more
betrayals will come
The warning was heeded so I escaped by the
skin of my teeth,
as the streets watched the intersections speaking
of the fate I would meet
In the end, I was delivered from the mouth of
the beast, emerging with mindset
firmly intact
I was meat, but indigestible because my peace
brought equilibrium back
Faceless head of coal
Below him arms swing legs steam
Over the apex of a highway bridge
The spooky figure
Cross-country skis on the concrete
Glides right to left across the frost of my windshield
Aura of sky behind this silhouette
An April rust under the rain of sunrise
I approach closer
Hope
Its face will unveil the diamonds of another person
To see its eyes hear its mouth smell its rose
I am full of fear
Tremble at my steering wheel
He is me and He is me
This thing moving that way and me this way
I drive toward work while it seeks eternity
Jesus and Judas in a mirror of Borges.
I looked back to when time had its first bloodstain,
Before the ringing of the first bell;
When grace was pouring like rain;
When envy first unleashed its spell;
And Cain murdered his brother Abel.
It was a time remembered so well,
The wickedness of man unleashed the first hell;
Even the healing effects of time could not just quell,
For it was ingrained like a spell,
Like an endless flow of water from a well.
Then came the time of the great Ceasar
When his friend Brutus co-plotted his demise;
The plague that tarnished
The bond of friendship was unleashed,
Like a lurking predatory beast.
No wonder why in the time of Jesus,
He was also betrayed by his disciple Judas,
For a price of Pesetas,
For the blurring effect of silver spell,
Is as deafening as the ringing of the bell.
So be therefore forewarned,
Even in these days, Judas is around,
He did not change except in name and appearance,
For the luster of a penny he could slay without penance,
Like a lurking crazy blood hound.
I've called you here to break with me this bread,
to drink sweet wine and eat of peppered cod
None here a servant, each a friend, instead
Find on this board the boundless love of God
Come! Sit beside me now and eat thy fill,
while I wash from thy feet the earth you've trod
Though most here are intended of goodwill,
one man who would betray me joins us, too
So knowing, though, he's precious to me, still
Fate never altered course because one 'knew'
As such, I've called you here to say goodbye
Please love each other as I have loved you
And who lives by that love for which I die,
shall meet me in God's kingdom in the sky...
I
She said, "I had no time for death:
Why did Creation give me lungs - two?"
I wonder about immortality, do you?
Yet I ponder, how quickly we wish for death
At 122, we outlive family, stare at lying TV?
II
I have died a hundred times
Without folly or courage to take my life
Do thoughts of suicide come with strife?
I am afraid I respect what Scripture chimes::
Dying by your hands is self-righteous as lying Judas
III
Dying, a seed, brings fructifying life
Living, we haunt fame or perpetual strife
Jesus always has an answer
Be it Covid-19, SARS, TB, or cancer
His cross: surrender to death in life; Revive To Survive
I
The Last Supper and Intimacy with Jesus
His humility in foot-washing, even of Judas
The Pope still does that for ordinary 12
Like communion for other few Protestants
But largely ignored for Friday and Sunday
What and why, Thursday as "Maundy"?
II
Maundy as in Commandment, from the LORD
As he set the example, before His arrest
Betrayed by Judas and my sins (John 3:16)
What precisely? To wash feet in humility?
Or to Love as he loved? Maybe both today?
But the Monarchs of England had warm traditions
To give Maundy money, often special coins minted
To as many citizens as there are years in age
Of the "ruling monarch" of Britain (till 1689)
Even foot washing by the King or Queen
It is fun and sad and wonderful: Maundy Thursday
Thank you LORD, shalom shalom, Peace to YOU
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