Excitement building in anticipation
last night when getting dressed
late for a date and in a hurry
yet hoping to look my best
but in a flurry had to scurry
not paying close attention
when doing up my tight blue jeans
tho' it bears not repeated mention
I now know what misery means
zipped the zip fastener sadly far too fast
and not wearing a jockstrap
caught my privates badly in the zipper
also known as a ***** flytrap
there once was a man from Kingsbury
who put on his kilt in a hurry
in a bit of a flap
he forgot his jockstrap
a chill wind put him in a flurry
Three o’clock whistle
Factories let out
Scores on their way
For a bottle of stout
No matter the weather
Ignore the black clouds
Celebrate man of the year
Should be feeling quite proud
Except the man is a woman
She shouts it out loud
No golden jockstrap for her
She’ll have a platinum tiara
And a cake made with lard
Don’t mess with her, man
She’s worked far too hard
So be careful of saying
The wrong thing today
She’s queen of plant seven
She’s well earned her pay.
Who? -- Me?!
I never thought I'd see
This wily jockstrap
writing poetry
And you, Mr. Businessman
Investing ldly in a product
that can't return a profit
on a mini-garbage can...
When our bodies
make their final plans ~
Our souls the farthest heavens scan
I'm sure you've heard the term “artsy fartsy”
It can apply to a person or a thing
Most times expressed in a derogatory manner
Definitely has a “nose in the air” ring
In my lifetime career as a graphic designer
You'd think I'd be one of those guys
But nay nay I say I'm not that way inclined
My pinky doesn't point to the sky
Masculine as a male dude could possibly be
Mr. Jockstrap through and through
Chow down raw meat and stand up to pee
Most times leave the seat up too
It's certainly not a comment on social issues
Some of my friends are artsy fartsy
But most of the time my wee pinky stays put
Except when I'm stirring my tea
I'm sure you've heard the term “artsy fartsy”
Many times expressed with distain
Relax everybody it's not meant to be hurtful
Not everyone travels the same lane
© Jack Ellison 2013
it’s said by women to women
that the most offensive word
(in the english language)
they can be called is
the C word---
this word cannot be uttered by men around women,
it’s said by women to men,
it’s said by men to men
when conversing about the women who told them
amidst other women or
alone
without other women present.
all words stumble round its usage like
a toddler
meandering across a
fresh patch of ice in slippers made of
butter.
as cyanide in your favorite drink or
perhaps something of a barbed wire jockstrap
you know better than to tread that water,
best to swim instead of sink---
but men will call each other this word
like its nobody’s business
especially in england
and it’s laughable
how quickly its forgotten that women still
frequent
these areas said to be inhabited only by those with
penises---
it is still a word isn’t it?
one of many,
whose disgustingness has brought violence with them
for hundreds if not
thousands of years.
so will this word be picked up by women who
feel its usage to be violent, misogynistic & vile,
only then subsequently appropriating it for their own
giving it new meaning?