Forgive me, but I have wanted to be a quiet ruin
not the kind you sweep away,
but the kind that makes you pause at the doorway,
hands heavy, wondering where the light went.
I know the cost of such a prayer.
To be missed like a lost limb
is to ask someone else to walk with a limp.
It is a humiliating thing, this hunger:
wishing a cold, immovable stone onto a chest I love,
just to know I was heavy enough to feel.
And oh, I burn with the shame of it.
The secret, selfish urge to linger
to sit like salt in the back of their throat
when they try to name something sweet.
I want them to reach for me against all reason,
to fight the slow, merciful erosion of time,
and to fear, even for a moment,
that they will never again be who they were
when my hands were still holding theirs.
It is a terrible grace to ask for:
to want your name to sit on a tongue
like an open wound that refuses to close.
Call it a sin, if you must.
I know the grief I am asking them to bear.
I only know that just once, before the noise stops,
before the dust claims my name,
I want to have mattered so completely
that forgetting me feels like pulling thread from skin.
I learnt a new word today.
Catatonic.
The vexatious coax of its accuracy sanctifies the burden of my reluctant existence.
The vacant faith of its salvation glorifies the redundancy of my timeworn stagnation.
The inertia of my own consciousness rouses within the weight of my repulsive apathy.
I am absent.
My reflection in the window distorts into a portal.
The pale of my skin shudders, an ashen pallet of abasing beauty.
The tremors of my skin winces, a demeaning pallet of humiliating fortune.
The curve of my lips stitch shut, a confined pallet of overflowing tincture.
The violent, lilac fuse of deprivation pounds my crimson in a bloodthirsty famine of a desperate call for condemn.
Yet, the only paragon unearthed is the vacant, potent inevitability of saturation into the voices of my own void;
I will forever remain in an absence of my own conceded mould.
447.
Prayer Against Adversity
Oh Father God, deliver us from adversity
May we attain our glorious victory
Oh Lord Jesus, save us who are like Job
Grant us salvation from those who seek to rob
Oh Holy Spirit, rescue us from humiliating downfall
Be our hope & strength once and for all
This we ask in our Almighty God. Amen!
-12/20/2015
(Dumarao)
*Gideons Prayer Poems Against Life's Problems
Sometimes I swear that car slowing down is you even though I never even knew what you drive, never had anything real to recognize. Sometimes a song won’t leave my head and I convince myself it’s haunting you too. Sometimes the dog barks at nothing and my heart stumbles over hope, thinking maybe this time you finally showed up. Sometimes I see you everywhere. In audiences. In hallways. In the empty seat in front of me. Sometimes I would bet my life it’s you. But sometimes it isn’t. It never is. Sometimes it’s just strangers. Just noise. Sometimes it’s just my mind dressing up absence in delusion. Sometimes I really think I’m losing it. Like I’ve misplaced my mind, my heart, my grip on anything solid. Sometimes I want to shake myself and say it’s just you. It’s only you. Sometimes I know you are not at the door. Sometimes I know you are not almost here. Sometimes I know you are not coming. And sometimes that reckless, humiliating part of me still listens anyway.
Mr soldier
Drop your weapon, your gun
Here is not a war zone but a city
Use your wisdom, ain't you educated
Harassing a civilian, instead of protecting them
Your duty is detecting the criminals not a commoner.
Mr soldier
You're not stronger than the people
You're only armed and authorize not the mighty
Drop your arrogance, it's not important
Stop the intimidation and pick up humility.
Mr soldier
I've got so much respect for you
Defending and protecting our nation
From oppositions even amidst dangers
But I despise oppression
Humiliating an innocent citizen.
gnarly snarly wharly harly barley troll
when we use his path, he demands a toll
When we protest, he hangs us upside down
The villagers come by and call us clown
gnarly snarly wharly harly barley troll
Humiliating us kids is his ultimate goal
He is good at it, an expert in fact; I know.
He has hung me twice by my largest toe.
In my few quiet moments, I always say grace,
a mother first, trying to find my place,
my eyes are tired, every single day,
I’m praying for peace, to come some how, some way.
A co-worker's friendship is definitely great,
I work so hard, yet my bills are still late.
Im trying to juggle the roles, of being both mom and dad,
sometimes crying in bathroom, not wanting the kids to see me sad.
For them I work long hours, trying to make it all alright,
hiding the struggles that haunt me at night.
I want to be enough,
Why is this life so tough?
As a daughter, I wanted to make them proud,
but I suffer the burden of them humiliating me in front of a crowd.
A true love with someone I hope to share,
someone who means it when they say they’ll always be there.
For all that I strive to give, for all that I try,
here comes my racing thoughts,
asking myself why?
I dream of a moment where love holds the key,
to the genuine heart I have for them all,
something I fear they will never see.
When trust is broken
Feelings start fading
In love you become lazy or crazy
Can't confide in each other
A place of peace, calm or serenity
Now a battlefield, steadily pouring out aggression on each other.
Two hearts that caress and defend each other
Start bruising or humiliating each other
As they wrestle
The children watch, then start screaming
Don't forget it's a programming
Scrambling their imagination
Thinking marriage is a warfare not a welfare.
Domestic Violence
A stigma, a mind disrupter
That needs time and love
To eliminate the trauma it caused
Many more to say, but when words are too much;
It becomes void, say no to domestic violence!!!
He left her for a bony
with halitosis.
She thinks of humiliating him
recalling that final orga...
hears again his sob of pleasure.
Then his hurried dressing, his coldness.
She wants to humiliate him,
to stomp upon his bullcrap soul.
One cigarette after another.
she draws the smoke into her lungs,
into her belly, feels the fumes
turning to vengeful wraiths.
Imagines pleasuring him once more,
using him up.
One last warm splash,
then leaving abruptly, yet a look back
to relish his wide-eyed undoing -
junking him from her body forever.
Life without money
Very boring and funny
But educative
No company to commune with
Solitude your best friend
Constantly reminiscing and relearning.
A broke man, a lonely man
Bitter many days, always angry and worried
Many label him lazy
Forgetting hard times humble people
Many call's him crazy
When caught laughing and happy all alone.
When a man is down
If there's no leaning shoulder
It takes God and miracle
No body understand
Every action or reactions
Makes him lazy and crazy
If you listen and support people
Instead of condemning or humiliating them; They're liberated from whatever.
Shattering the Unbroken Cycle
Bully's shadow looms, a pervasive stain
across all sectors, absurd, yet sustained
Governments and schools deny workers' rights
incentives, facilities, and dignity's light
Seniors torment juniors with blows and pain
emotional scars, hunger, and shame's stain
Educators wound with words, with physical might
abuse and fear, a toxic, endless night
Domestic walls conceal violence and despair
husbands, wives, and shattered vows laid bare
Governments neglect, oppress, and deny
basic rights, humanity, and a chance to thrive
Even sacred spaces hide oppression's face
wealth and power, a sharp, humiliating knife's pace
Do we bully for fleeting power's sake?
Is happiness not our purpose, our heart's ache?
Can't we choose kindness, unity, and love?
Break bully's chains, send humanity from above
The confirmation hearings are lowbrow theatre.
Wolf packs of C actors and bitter stone-throwers.
Getting off by degrading, disgracing, and humiliating.
Transparency and truth are a pale afterthought.
Do let your children watch the theatre, though....
Explain that this is how not to treat another human being.
Then take them to a playground.
Leave your cell phone behind.
Let them teach you the art of playing all over again.
"Referencing an old poetic imagism sort of poem I wrote some four years ago--almost to the day---wherein lies a paradox," ... by The Poet.
MIRROR, MIRROR
I was in a room,
there, I saw a mirror,
and then I saw him,
I told him to get out,
and he did,
and he took the mirror,
and I was no more.
--The End--
Albeit, natheless
of no consequence
admissible ... thing
humiliating
how now brown cow ... speak
named ... must be unique
imagination
generalization
easy, perspective
yours or mine, fictive!
that stretch, what is there,
images ... despair
strays loss memory
rare remembering
instantaneous
matter strenuous
reason of drainage
mayhaps some carnage
yes answers reason
purpose--intention
... a dreamer affects
... or schemer effects
telltale prophecy
image precisely.
June 3 Praises to God Bible Meditations Based on Job 13-15
Key Verse – Job 13:3 Surely I would speak to the Almighty, and I desire to reason with God.
PRAISE BE TO GOD WHO LISTENS TO US
WHEN WE SPEAK TO HIM
Praise be to God for listening to us
when we speak to Him by His:
Grace about our guilt’s struggles
Goodness along His gift of salvation
Grandeur upon His granted strength
Guidance, girding our spiritual sustenance
Greatness, governed through His sovereignty
Job 14:20 Praise be to the Lord for prevailing over us with His:
Help against our helplessness
Holiness along His heavenly heralding
Hope to hover before our hopelessness
Honour that humbles us for our health-happiness
Hoisting against humiliating and hampering hindrances
Job 15:11 Praise be to the Saviour for
His consolations always:
Inspirational along His virtues
Innumerable and victorious
Influencing valiant vows
Important, never vain
Instilling values. Amen!
June 3, 2024
Being so awfully insecure
among confident people
seems ridiculous and brittle;
I'm very humble by nature,
it will not take me anywhere:
I'll end up gathering crumbs!
I'm too stubborn, still refusing to pay
for these silly and shameful faults;
I would cry out loud to feel anger,
not sit at a corner counting doubts!
I should blame you instead, dear:
because I'm getting hit hard by reality!
I won't cry on your shoulder, just be forgiving
when I seek some empathy, it's too humiliating;
if a man cries is because is a liar when he swears:
he'd rather carry inside silly and shameful faults!
Admit that you've been constantly cheating,
sneaking out at night while I was sleeping;
you dropped a sleeping pill in my Martini,
snuck out and flagged down a yellow taxi!
These silly and shameful faults
have given me sleepless nights;
don't kiss me to cover up the ugly truth:
it's a parody not as sweet as Baby Ruth!
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